Maybe someone could give me a little advice. By accident last night I found out my 15 year old and her friends and others I don't even know (nor does she I found out) have created webpages of sorts for themselves on some common website, many posting pictures and personal information of themselves. Apparently, their individual pages are accessible for posting messages by others if they get permission. Somehow she had stuff from guys she didn't even know I felt some of the other kids' pictures, as well as the quasi-porn some posted, the absolute worst language they used, and some with sexual or quite violent descriptions of things they wanted to do was totally inappropriate and she (all of them) were setting themselves up for trouble, be it perverts, conartists, whoever. She shut down on me and told my wife alot of it was just people venting or feeling their way in the world and it was harmless. I told her shut it down, delete it do whatever you have to so it doesn't exist on your PC anymore.
Just a sanity check. Am I over reacting? Or does this sound like the kind of thing parents are supposed to do given the internet freaks we hear lurking for this stuff, as well as her (former) friends with serious mental issues. Are these sites harmless? Sorry I can't remember the url here at work.

Not a good idea imo. It's quite possible to have your computer taken over by some perv and not even know about it and have them find personal info on who uses the comp, unless she's pretty smart about these things. I would do a deep thorough check on that hard drive and make sure all the nasties are gone. There's a program called net nanny that will track all the activity that goes on and let you set limits on where she can surf. Sounds like someone needs a stern talking to, good luck!

Its a F'ed up world out there and if she's posting personal info and talking to strange guys i'd play it safe and shut it down. better be safe than sorry these days. Just my 2 cents.

Thanks so far. I feel like I'm not in the wrong. (BTW the site is called myspace.com). A day after we had her shut it down she's not pissed and talking to me as though it never happened, so hopefully she is understanding and accepting of my decision. But there's something else about this that's bothering me. My daughter has always been an honor student involved in school activities since she was able. I consider hor honest and trustworthy and except for a "slut test" I saw she had taken (and fortunately got a score only a parent would appreciate) she posted nothing I would consider inappropriate. However some of these kids, and I've had them over at my house plenty of times, are posting pictures of themselves looking incredibly slutty, like they're drunk or on drugs or as I mentioned before posting stuff that immediately gave me the impression they might benefit from professional help. I'm sure some of it is the hype of beoing able to create a whole new personality just by typing it in, but do I keep what I read and saw about other kids to myself? I have no desire to be a martyr or a snitch, but should other parents have a right to know what I stumbled onto totally by accident?

My Brother had me check myspace.com a few months ago, some of it seems legit, other parts are stictly for adults only. The problem is you never know who's on the other end. My Brother posed as an 18 yr old virgin girl and you wouldn't believe how fast the crap came in. At 15 your daughter is quickly became an adult with the mind of a.....well, 15 yr old. As for the other kids out there on the site, should you alert their parents? I think not, It would take up too much valuable time away from fishin.

I think the important element is to accept there's a line there somewhere in which teens are always going to be doing things you don't want to see. That being said, there are real dangers to exposing too much on the Internet and these rules need to be established and firm.

I'd just make sure she understands what you consider bad and what's acceptable. Taking a slut test probably isn't that big of a deal, but talking about sex with people she doesn't know could be...etc...

-spence

jimbo you did the right thing . cause thats what I would have done too . unfortunately most youguns are not aware of the jerks that are out there just waiting for a chance to hurt them or worse .

she will see the light and understand . Maybe a call to the other parents as a heads up . too many have no idea what their kids surf on the web .

I'm a bit of a dink so you can take as much of this as you want.

1st, the PC would be coming out of her room and moved into the den where I can see it.

2nd, I pay the interent bill so I determine what gets done with it, not her.

3rd, and most important, My House, My Rules. The End

too many weirdos out on the Internet


I think you did the Right thing by shutting it down immediately

One last thing Jim, even though myspace.com may be taken off your computer, the account still exist and can be accessed from any computer. Just a thought, carry on......

Keep in mind kids are smart

You shut down that site? She will find another. My parents just went thru it with my sister... My sister was pissed at first, but they cant keep track of everything. If they have access to a PC anywhere unsupervised, something else will spring up.

Except for supergluing all her fingers together so she cant type, I dont really know what you can do to put out the fire.. Just keep it from going out of control.

Good advice all. It's going to be sort of a The Dad Fisherman approach. She knows I don't BS or back down unless I'm proven wrong about something. She agreed the content was inappropriate, but claims she it wasn't hers and didn't even think of who could get to it. Nevertheless, she's on probation with spot audits at any given time I feel like it. She's got to tell as many of the kids as she can she's not allowed on the site anymore because her parents found out and know explicitly what all of them were doing (big brother's watching scare tactic), but if so much as an IM comes in dropping so much as a hint about sex or a bleeped out f-bomb, the PC and her precious cell phone are history, throwing in that if that happens she can kiss getting her learner's permit goodbye, since if we can't trust her with a PC, driving a car is out of the question. We'll see how it goes.

i have to admit.. i did something like this a few years ago.. the personal info and stuff like that..my dad saw the site he told me to get rid of it... and i did, btw this was back when i didn't know much on computers. i deleted my account on this site, and i'm glad i did cause about a few months later i think it was, my friend had something happen to her by this stupid perverted guy, she was 13, and lets just leave it at that..after that happend i told my dad thank for making me get rid of that site.. so i definitly think you did the right thing by having her get rid of it..

I'm a bit of a dink so you can take as much of this as you want.

1st, the PC would be coming out of her room and moved into the den where I can see it.

2nd, I pay the interent bill so I determine what gets done with it, not her.

3rd, and most important, My House, My Rules. The End

too many weirdos out on the Internet


I think you did the Right thing by shutting it down immediately


I agree on all count's.....it's your roof that's over her head...stand firm, it'll pay off in the long run.

so i do have a different view point... and i think that the internet is a very cool place....in that, you can access data about anything, anywhere like one huge LIBRARY online... but thats where it ends.... because there is the dangerous side too.... that pediphile in san jose demonstrates the bad part
quite perfectly.... scumbags are using it to glean personal info and are trying to arrange personal meetings pretending to be someone else entirely
and they dont really care if it takes a full year to accomplish this mission.

if you stop the internet use completely she will just access it from somewhere else.... and go around your parental controls quite easily... so i think it would be better to give your daughter some specific instructions about not posting her real picture online and anything related to her real address, location ,area she lives in...nothing... thats the real truth to protect herself from those that want to staulk her. If you don't do that...she will eventually leave home and take those habits with her
and set herself up for a rendevue of real trouble.

open google and plug in your daughters real name or handle ...and see what pops up
and it will reveal -> websites with her internet name....if any...

theres a site called www.F__Kmicrosoft.com (http://www.F__Kmicrosoft.com) (fill in the blanks) and in there you can learn to use DOS to look deep into hard drives even if the data was erased... aint gonna work with XP tho.... another method is to go on the NET and find some young guy's picture and or girls picture
of the appropriate age....and create a false identity for yourself to go in and SPY .....even have direct conversations with your own daughter in disguise acting out a role as a teenager....from say ,,,oregon or california.

record every conversation and save them for the appropriate time....
so that your not being bluffed in the future... this isnt fair but the bad people aren't playing fair either.... maybe never let on that you did that
would be a great idea....as your trying not to have your child hate your guts in the process....better to enroll her in a martial arts class or teach other ways to safeguard her personal info or protect herself,,, than just pulling the plug as a solution is my point.

My hole house is wired with 4 computers on High speed. I caught My Daughter (15) looking at some porn stuff one day, by looking into the history of sites that they have been to.
I asked her and she was embarrassed that I had found it!

The router for the hole house is right under my box and I pulled the plug right then!! She went 1 month with out the computer.
The next time, I will throw the thing in the trash!! I maintain all the computers here and I check them at least once a week. In have full control and will pulled at the slightest little thing and they no it!!

It is a pervlige that you give to her!! And one you can take away!

There ARE a bunch of parental control software solutions that do exist and work REALLY well, I've actually done a couple tests with customers giving me feedback. (Brian, I'll let you know about this later, unless the kids are smart enough to find open proxies, there's no way to get around it, it works in safe mode and blocks at the stack level.)

I'll list em a little bit later.

Sites to make sure to block out (for now, you can go, in IE, into Tools/Internet Options/Security tab/highlight Restricted Sites/click on the "sites" button and add any sites you don't want your kids going to.)

I total agree with Dad Fisherman. The only extra thing I would do would be to call the parents of the kids that I knew on that web site. I know in my neighborhood we pretty much all stayed out of trouble because if any of the neighorhood parents saw us doing something we shouldn't they made sure a parents knew about it. ThomT

If you have a computer, any kid that knows anything will look at porn and all the other stuff that makes the internet what it is. Its "natural curiosity".

Why did I do that ? ..Because it was there.

That being said, I pretty much let my kids do what they want, they are smart enough to know the difference between right and wrong, and if there not doing it here, they will do it somewhere else.
I don't worry about computers and what my children do on the internet. If they want to do "stuff" on the computer, they'll find a way.

Still some great feedback and I appreciate it. If there's one thing I am, it's trusting of my kids. I give my older one pretty much much free reign on things because she's never been in trouble, never given me a reason to suspect she's knowingly doing something I would disapprove of, and she's a great student. But at around 15 it's a period for exploration and transition from kid to adult and in some cases I guess they're feeling their way blindly and can get off track without realizing. Most importantly we all cooled off and sat down for a chat about doing the right thing and if you don't know, always remember the expression, "Ask Mom". Mom always knows the answer. Actually, either of your parents or any adult you respect. You might not like the answer, but most of the time it's going to be the one that saves your keester. Well, I'm still too strict a parent though I did get kudos for respecting her privacy, and she seems to completely accept and understand why the site and what they were doing was inappropriate and the potential people they don't even know to share in it or do something potentially worse. Word is getting around that I was on the site and I saw and I know and I may or may not be speaking with other parents. I'm hoping that in itself will be enough for others to make the right decision to clean up their "Internetiquette".

Jim,you are doing the right thing. Age 15 is a year of "temporary insanity" for most kids. They will do most anything to be accepted by their friends at that age. If you remember back friends were the most important thing in your life at that time. Rules need to be set and the reasons for them discussed. Even if kids don't like them,they know you care about them,by setting them It's great she is an honor student and trustworthy but we all need limits set.
Sounds like you are doing a great job as a parent and in the end she will have a great respect for you as her Dad.
Very hard full time job being a parent these days.:btu:

here is some software......that you can download and try before you buy...

to access the kids pc in question from work ....

http://www.pctattletale.com/

(does it all from a quick look at the site.)

just thought to share...

btw----> the statistics were quire alarming ! :doh: