I don't know if anyone knew today was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. At home, at work, wherever, you can start every sentence Arrrrrrrrrrr.
Here's some helpful lines pirates use to pick up wenches, but I think they'll work on most any wench:

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Prepare to be boarded.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I'd love to drop anchor in yer lagoon.
Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrr. Is there an 'X' on the seat of your pants? Because it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. You're just the tasty wench I've been keeping me eye out for!
Bwrrraaaak Polly wanna cracker. Oh wait, that's for International talk like a parrot day.

pirate walks into a bar and the bartend asks him if that's a steering wheel on his belt buckle. the pirate replies "aye, and it's driving me nuts!"

A little boy dresses up as a pirate for halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my b#^&#^&#^&#^&#^& head you b#^&#^&#^&#^&#^& dumbass."

You guys are killin' me.... I work for a company named ...Harr.

I got a dinner date.. I'll give er the angry pirate just for you :hihi:

a kid goes up to a pirate and says "he pirate how did you get that wooded leg??"

the pirate responds- "arrrrrrr i get it by a laarrrrge shhark attack in the carrrrebean sea"

the kid says, "wow, and how about that hook on your left hand?"

pirate- "Arrrrr... twas a nasty sward fight, lost me hand but i won the battle"

Kid- "and the eye patch??? how did you loose your eye"

Pirate- "arrrrrr fargen seagul pooped in me eye after i got me hook"

:tm:

Arr, this man be on the lookout for a job and sees an advertisement in the newspaper for a job: "Arrr, so ye wants to be a pirate eh? Come see Cap'n JAck on pier 8 today!"

Well, the guy's intrigued. I mean, who doesn't want to be a pirate? So he goes and sees Captain Jack.

Jack says, "So ye be interested in the job eh? Here's what we be doin: On mondays we pillage and plunder our black hearts out, then come back here and get rip roarin drunk, then wake up and do it again!"

The guy says, "Well...I'm not a big drinker...what do you do on Tuesdays?"

Captain JAck says, "On Tuesday's we pillage and plunder to our hearts content, come back here, get piss drunk and rape as many women as we can find!"

The man says, "Ummm, like I said, I'm not a big drinker and I've never raped a woman before."

Captain JAck looks at him quizzically. "Arrr, ye bein a faggot?"

The man says "Um, no..."

Captain Jack says, "Arr, then ye wont be liking what we be doin on Wednesdays then"