this is to officially launch the side kick to dunkin doughnuts grumpage...

KNOWN as the Pizza thread...
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It didnt happen recently but here goes....:bl:

One day when i lived in Californicate ....i mean California.. :)

my wife and i decide to go have a Pizza....
ok, and there were several choices nearby
but we decided to TRY :doh: "newyork pizza " :devil2:

well we get in there...... and the menu looked pretty pricey $$$
so my wife being a very thrifty gal decides in her infinate
wisdom...that we should order a vegetarian pizza and of course
its not EVEN on the friggan menu.... :doh:

so we explain to the CLUELESS pizza guy how to construct one and
he gives it his best shot...with thinly sliced tomatoe covered with cheese on top.

now, if you don't have the cheese on "top of the veggies" your
not gonna cook them very well and he doesn't even know to drain them
first on a paper towel or something absorbant for the excess juice.

when we had first arrived: We were the only people in there and when we finally FINALLY
get our PIZZA which was "a large" the PLACE is now JAM packed with every seat occupied. I get the Pizza and say: "thankyou" politely open the box to see what i can only describe as a mudslide pizza with puddles of water so deep that i shoulda brought my friggan surf rod with me just in case there was a south wind that day.:bc:

So being of sound mind...oh i take that back...being of weird mind
and body i decide to plunge in and take a bite as by now i could eat the cardboard pizza box, i'm so freakin hungry and As i pick A slice of pizza everything
slides completely off the dough with a BIG splat...hits the table and splashes me right in the eye with hot tomatoe juice before i can even land a mouthful.

Now generally i try to maintain my cool,but i totally lost it....and grabbing a napkin began to administer first aid to my scorched eyeball now squinting with my pissed off right eye.

I calmly close the box and return to the counter with the PIZZA and demand my money back saying: that, this is the worst pizza i've ever seen in my life and we won't be eating it.....Well the guy gives me this serious look of disatisfaction and says to me...-> :eek5:
The WILD CHILD on steroids,
sorry dude
but i can't do that... .. now... my blood begins to boil like a witches cauldren
bubbling over....and i slowly look towards the crowded PIZZA shop...who are all watching this BATTLE transpire.... and i say to this PIZZA guy...before i leap over the counter and throw his skinny @ss right in the oven....

look you IDIOT.....YOU EITHER GIVE ME MY $15.00 dam dollars back RIGHT NOW! or i'm gonna put this pizza on the floor in front of all these customers.and do a Mexican Hat dance like you've never seen
on it,
until its the biggest nastiest mess in "California History".:splat:

With flames of fire shooting out of my one eye....bones popping, muscles starting to pump up like hans and frans....he decides to hand me my money
and we leave peacefully and walk over to a Pizza hut just down the road and order a large pitcher of beer to go with our "perfect pizza" as i extinguish my rage.... while many pizza hut customers looking around were wondering where is all this steam is coming from.....:gu:

I like the time that the local pizza place delivered a small pizza...that's it...to me -- in the middle of nowhere -- and the kid called me a minute before he got to the house to give me time to get ready, brought it right up to the door with a smile on his face, thanked me for the tip, and told me to have a nice nite. Who does that anymore? I didn't even care that all the cheese had oozed to one side of the pizza. The beating his car took coming down the road of doom for a tiny pizza, and the kid was still smiling? Amazing.

Not usually a problem with the product, but we once had a pizza delivery guy show up. Older geezer reeked of booze, but got us what we ordered. I cautioned him as he left that the driveway curves a little so beware so you don't drive over the mailbox. Usually I stand watching to make sure they don't, but I forgot. Later I happened to look out...."Son of a beyotchhhh!". I call the place up and explain what happened and first they deny even making a delivery to my house. Then they deny having the delivery guy I described. At this point I don't even care about the mailbox, I just want the A.H. to come back and apologize for doing it and not having the stones to own up to it. I went out and checked and the yard was wet enough that you could see the tire tracks, so I took pictures, just in case. Anyway, finally, I get the owner on the phone, still denying any mal-doing by his guy. Finally, he says, "Looka you, if you so shura my boy he driva over you malbox, I fix. No problem. Tomorrow Ia be over witha my cousin, he ina construction, hea fix." Well sure enough "Mario" and his cousin, who looked like Luca Brasi before he slept with the fishes, and with the tip of a holster protruding from under his jacket, show up. I watched from behind a curtain silently wetting my pants and considering if they were actually looking at the mailbox or considering the best way to put on my cement galoshes. Finally I go out and explain I didn't want them to do any fixing or replacing, I just wanted someone to own up to the crime. Mario more than apologized and said, "I leava a note inna da cash regiser, you nexta order izza on me." So I said, "OK, we're cool," (and silently prayed I wouldn't hear a trigger cocking as I went back up the driveway. Well, I guess I can't make this long story short, but the next time we called the place for delivery and told the person on the phone there was a note in the register for the meal to be delivered for us free of charge, he said, "What the F you talking about pal. We don't give nobody nothin' for free." That's it, click, we don't order there no more.

If your mailbox was located in a half buried bathtub like a Madonna statue the guy would have had the cardinal come down and bless it and brought you free pizza besides.:bl:

Food Service Follies! Our Canteen Truck driver thought that it was the funniest thing in the world to fart while we ate our lunches. Until I put a stink bomb in his cab. The Horse's arse had the nerve to be offended.

( Instant stink bomb recipe: Handful of brake lathe turnings + a little battery acid. Will gag a maggot on a gut wagon.) :eek5:

I got a good one......
about sixteen years ago, a couple of months after I had my daughter with "the mother"...she wanted a night out (we were young) and she went to a bar we hung at..I stayed home to watch the kid and she partied up...I called her and asked her to bring home a PIZZA for me.....well she did...as I took my first bite it was like.."cRuNcH, cRuNch, cRuNch...I was like "what the &*%%^$!! what happened to the PIZZA???? she said.." I don't know" ....then it was clear when I studied it and saw all the sand and rock salt on it. The wench dropped it in the parking lot...put it back in the box and gave it to me...I almost broke a tooth!!! I should of left her right then.