The worst was when i would ask my Dad if we could go swimming or anywhere and he'd say:

"we'll see"

That meant ya had about a 10% chance. :(

Then there was one that's always kept me in good stead with other people. If someone was gossiping or putting another down he'd say:

"believe 1/2 of what you see and none of what you hear" :)

There are alot of good ones out there that are short and to the point.:hihi:

howza bout this one from my mother....."you little basstid!!!!"......of course I was one:jester:

howza bout this one from my mother....."you little basstid!!!!"......of course I was one:jester:


I got that one from my mother and being the smart ass that I was a kid,
I would answer with "I thought you and dad were married" !!!
That allways went over well !!!

Garrison Kieller quote ".....and then my Mother made a buzzing sound, a sound that denied her own marriage..."

I heard that on the way home from work one evening and had to pull my car over, I was laughing so hard.

Be home [before] the street lights go on :::::

Come running home 223 mph....What did you do now?????? :hidin:

The day i got caught smokin, and my Dad says "when did u take up the sticks??" :hihi:

"Put a smile on your face and a song in your heart", just at the time when i was least apt to.

" money don't grow on trees "

dad at supper time ,,, "Eat it or I'll jam it "

that all my family members remember was....
during dinner time (suppah)
when one of my brothers (or myself included) would ask...

whats for dessert?

and my dad would always answer "Royal Supreme"

the bad one i remember was....

where did you even get the "notion" to think that...?
(and i then knew just how pissed off he was.)

Bedtime; "time to wash 'em, brush 'em and flush 'em"

Did you say your prayers?


This could be at bedtime or if you were in a heap of trouble.

"FRONT AND CENTER " NOW!

VB

Whenever you fell down my father would always say "Stay up, I got a bet on you"

One I never understood or listened to... I was going to get the belt good for something bad I did....

While running around the house and sometimes out the door....

Stand still so you can get your punishment! Come here! Stop! :jester:

Then if caught....Hold still so I can hit you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or the classic all purpose .... whether you like it or not!

i don't quite remember anything that was a goto for sayings but my grandfather always would say "put that in your pipe and smoke it"

my favorite day of getting yelled at was when my mom made me sit down because I had surpassed the height of 5-1 :)

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" (My fathers words as he was taking off his belt):whackin:

Bernzy

My dad had a bunch.

He'd give me a light tap to the arm and say, "That was for nothing, now do something". I was never under the impression that I had a freebie, tho ;)

"If a bullfrog had wings, he wouldn't bump his arse on the ground every time he jumped".

Whenever I tried to help him fix a pipe or install a sink, "You're as useless as teats on a bull".

His one talk to me about the birds and the bees: "Wear a rubber, you don't shoot blanks any more".

To my aunt and uncle, our place in South Plymouth was "down the river", referring, I guess, to the Canal :huh: My aunt: "Georgie, get your stuff together, we're going down the river tonight".

You went to the movies at the "the-AY-tuh". Someone who had a touch of a certain joint inflammation was suffering from "Arthur-itis".

Any kind of a gathering, a party, a banquet, a wedding reception, was a "time".

We ate "sangwiches" for lunch.

My dad used to say "I'd rather pay you than owe you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or, "Matthew the police stopped by again today."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You wanted the dog, now walk it"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My dad would get upset at the Sox, sigh and say "what a bunch of overpriced bums."

Dad--"Turn out the lights, whata ya think i got stock in Public Service." :D

Mom-- "Do that one more time and your going to get the wooden spoon" :hihi:

"don't give me any guff"
My dad at the top of his lungs yelling upstairs "Would you quiet down, your mother is sleeping"
"Chris, what is that smell?" :hee:

"Do as I say, Not as I do"

"Wait until your father gets home" was always a brutal one, if immediately followed by a phone call.

I remember the day my mother swore off buying any more wooden spoons because "They didn't make them like they used to." This all after my brothers and I had grown enough to laugh when they broke on impact.

Mom-- "Do that one more time and your going to get the wooden spoon" :hihi:

those are my mothers EXACT words!!!!!! I was gonna put that up next!!! wait a minute....actually it was...." Keep it up, and your going to get the wooden spoon"

I clearly remember the day I took the wooden spoon away:devil:

good thread Dave:usd:

dad at supper time ,,, "Eat it or I'll jam it "

Or when you were starvin and eatin too fast-- "shovel it in boy, shovel it in"

you can shoot a horse that has a broken leg, but it still dont fix the leg.

"Clean your plate the kids in Europe are starvin"
" Smartin up, i can put you where you came from"

I'll 2nd "wait till your father gets here"..We spent summers down the Cape...Dad would spend the week back home and come down friday nights..If you got in the chit early in the week it was a long week...

Me being Italian and growing up not knowing there were any other people besides italians, there were lots of expressions that included
fangu !

"quit leaning back on your chair....."

only fate awaited you until their predictions
came true.....after you tested the balance until
that one final night the chair slipped under the table with
you still on it.... ..:jump:

"quit leaning back on your chair....."

only fate awaited you until their predictions
came true.....after you tested the balance until
that one final night the chair slipped under the table with
you still on it.... ..:jump:
yup...that was another one or........."stop shakin' your leg"

#^&#^&#^&#^&ey Demarest was the brain in the neighborhood. When i would bring

home my usual less than stellar report card,

my Dad would compare my study habits with his, point across the

street at #^&#^&#^&#^&eys lighted window and say

-"you see, there's #^&#^&#^&#^&ey, burnin the midnight oil"

ya #^&#^&#^&#^&ey burned the midnight oil //all right :hidin:

my Mom, "when your father gets home he is gonna kick your ass".

I always got "You can wish in one hand and $hit in the other and see which one fills up first" when asking for stuff.

He did????? what Sister Mary Laurita?? I’ll speak with him.. “Wait til your father gets home!!!”

My old man don’t do soup “This is sick people food, how about a steak?”

My mom god bless her all 4’7” of her was trained like a Navy seal, wooden spoons, sandals, pretty much everything within reach…

My mom god bless her, as she walked up to me with her hands behind her back..” Come here I have something for you” That worked til about age 7… Then it was cut and run from there on out…

“There are children starving in Africa, finish your pea soup!”

“Finish your liver!”

“Drink your milk”

More of an anecdote really” My mom used to collect porcelain clowns. I remember putting my sister on her trike and tying a rope to the cabinet then standing on the back of the trike then pushing away from the cabinet… She was’nt angry. I was scared. No wait til your father comes home.. months later.. Matts birthday invite comes in the mail.. OH COOL mom mom mom mom can I go “remember the clowns” shes says calm as can be…

“Go to confession, we saw you”

“keep it up and I’m telling the priest you want to be an altar boy” was one til I was 16…

My poor mother “who’s car is that?”

My old man “where’d those girls come from?”

Shop class “ The fasterer I go, the behinderer I get.”

My old man fishing on a party boat with my buddy, “ Lip the effin thing mikeyor you’re swimming, kid I know your old man I can take him”

Dad,,"pull my finger" :eek:

to put one over on me all the time
especially when i was real little....
........talkin ....tellen me about sky hooks
that ya throw up and hook a cloud
just in case you fell out of an
airplane... or sumthin... you could
swing down to the ground
like a monkey
with the most serious face
he had.... :jump:

It would start snowing in the afternoon and you were all pschyed about no school the next day.

You could always tell the intensity of the storm by lookin at the street light across the street.

About 9 pm my Dad would walk over to the window, look at the street light, and say "Looks like it's lettin up."

No, No, No.

---- "Ya can't make a silk purse out of a Sows Ear"

----- " Scarcer than Hen's teeth"

----- "She was all dressed up like Astor's pet horse"

----- "He's got the life of Reilly"

"Get your finger out of your ear...you don't know where thats been"!!!!:hee:

My
Father to any of us when we were leaving the house....
..................................."Watch your fingers"

My mother when one of us was complaining......."Pitty about ya, ya cat won't drink milk".....I guess this was from her mom back in Ireland


My brothers and myself are known for a few but the most prevelent is the old standard......."It Is What It Is"

A certain member here grew a goatee when we were in high school. His mom told him he looked like "an @sshole w/ dentures." :jester:

That was a good one.

"cut the god damn %$%$%$%$" was allways one of my grandfather's fav and so was "Jesus jumping christ"

A woman who was known to be "loose" and easy of virtue, who, as time progressed started to show the wear and tear was known as "Rode hard and put away wet":shocked:

"Is there anything you want to tell us?"

"If wishes were horses, beggers would ride"

If I had my way I would be all over her like a sun tan at a nude beach!:jump:

my dad , upon seeing a new tatoo " you should get flames tatooed coming up from your butt because you are a flaming arse hole "

"Time to Buckle Down and study"

my old man lookin at a chik with nice legs " If those are the train tracks, imagine the train station" :humpty:

You want a backhander:angel:

talk like that will get your mouth washed out with soap :mad:

Ivory wasn't too bad, it was the brown soap or lifebouy. :yak4:

"I'll slap the taste right outa your mouth"
" I'll slap you bald headed"
"You don't know sheit from shinola" What the hell is shinola?
" Get some gumption" Who wants to be like Gump!?
"You'd better burn the Midnight oil" followed by;
"Don't play with fire"... WTH!

"As long as I owe you I will never cheat you out of it"
(whack)" thats for nothing wait until you do something"
"if brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose"
Mom

Wait until your father gets home

Gramps ,,,when he caught you with your finger up your nose ..

"You'll Pick Your Eye Out !!!"

"You don't know sheit from shinola" What the hell is shinola?


Fred, ya don't remember Shinola Shoe Polish. :huh: :laughs:

As you are heading out Friday night: Be careful, and if you can't be careful, name it after me.

one of Grandpa's favorites: I see said the blind mute as he picked up a wheel and spoke.

Jigman

"oh, i see said the blind man".

slicker then sheet on a door knob,: colder then a witches tit,:

"If you don't like what's for supper, there's a diner up the road"
"Get me a switch!"

Is there any dessert? " yup, windpudding"

Whadyda think money grows on trees?
and my favorite was...."You'll get nothing and you'll like it"

I have a very old school grandmother in West Dennis that's 102 and lives next door to our summer house. To this day if I dress up even a little to go out somewhere, she says, "Oh Jimmy, don't you look gay." This sends my wife and kids into hysterics.

When we were trying to pull a fast one on mom for staying out late, etc: "I was born at night, but not last night"


Dad, to the daughters: The difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut is 2 weeks.

Its Hard Telling Not Knowing

"He's as busy as a one armed paper hanger with the itch".

a stich in time will save nine.....

"Who's bright idea was this".

"He's flyin by the seat of his pants".

heres a good one from my grandpa "everythings closed up tighter than a bulls ass at fly time".

Another of my Dad's Classics. "Sit Down before I Knock you Down"

having to grow up with 5 other mischievious brothers...

i got blamed for many things as the scape goat....

even if i was off on a walk about.... i knew ever inch of the woods and the charles river...

my dad would say... i only trust you as far as i can throw you.:af:

"What he needs is a good swift kick in the rear end"


"Keep it up and you'll feel the tip of my shoe"

Thought of a few more :

"he's a goner"

"look what the cat dragged in"

"it's seen better days"

"ignorance is bliss"

"your guess is as good as mine"

"procrastination is the thief of time"

"as useless as teats on a bull"

and my very favorite of all time--"if BS was $$ we'd all be millionaires" :hihi:

when you can't make up your mind quick enough and you hear, "fish or cut bait."

Another %$%$%$%$%$%$%$ - worlds full of them - no demand!:rotf3:

"why should the devil have all the fun?"

my uncle gordon would always say...

ya better be careful or you'll kick the bucket. :soon:

We're French, so there were always phrases like:
"Pickup your room" translation - clean your room
"next time you run through my garden, go around"
"there it was - gone"

We're French, so there were always phrases like:
"Pickup your room" translation - clean your room
"next time you run through my garden, go around"
"there it was - gone"

And I'll bet you parked the cars in the driveway side by each :D

And I'll bet you parked the cars in the driveway side by each :D

I still do :D

On Tursdee my pepere might yell to my memere, "Gertrude, trow me out the window my keys. I'll bring da machine around front so I can bring you ta go make your stores down Social cwen. When you go ta Halmacs buy a coupla two tree steaks, dare on sale for a buck tree eighty. While you make your stores I’ll pickup the machine and make gas."

Translation for the non-RI French:
On Thursday my grandfather might yell to my grandmother, “Gertrude, throw my keys to me from the window. I’ll bring the car around front and take you to Social Corner to do your grocery shopping. When you go to Almacs, buy a few steaks, they’re on sale for three dollars and eighty cents. While you’re shopping I’ll clean the car and get it filled with gasoline.

Of course, I can’t speak French nearly as well as they could speak English.:err:

Those two years I worked at the Stop & Shop on Diamond Hill Rd were a blast. You had to know the difference between "hair spray"--Glade or Renuzit--and "air spray"---Clarol. :rotf2:

Mrs Link grew up,in the projects 5 sisters totally on there own, would ask? where's the hair brush? " If it was up your arse you'd know",then they would be called "ungratefull little Chits" if they asked for anything, it was all about their FATHER. but there 5 brothers that lived next door that he wish he had, oh yes the mom was divorced RED HEAD, He bought the boys everything even drove them to school, I never saw the EVIL Farther in action " good thing" & my wife now ,thought back then Ketchup hot water and stale bread was an awesome meal, condiments kept the girls going.
I hope he is rolling over in his hole over and over
ML SR

Ya think our last name is Rockefeller ?
Go get the strap
Just who the f do you think you are ?
Where were you when god passed out brains ?
Looks like the floor needs a good scrubbin' (after I had already scrubbed it 4 times)
Your brother wouldn't do that (ya right)
Your going to bed right after supper
No supper, go straight to bed.
For the 96th millionth time
How many times do I have to tell you ?

Whata ya think i'm made of money?

I hate to say these but :::

shut the f-in nigger music off.... beatles or monkeys playing ..lol
your as useless as tits on a bull

dont make me backhand you:hs: painfull

-Cool your jets.
-The, "You don't know sh@@ from Shinola."
-Hey Capt. A-hole try and get home earlier next time.
-Or if I was late getting up,"It lives, it breathes, it crawls on it's belly like a reptile."
-When bringing girls home for dinner and then going to my room I had to leave a boot in the door so it wasn't shut, one time with a particular hussy I got the, "Hey Capt. Sperm nevermind the boot, just take the doot off it's hinges jack.":shocked:

when it came to studs all full of themselves--"now they're runnin, soon they'll be walkin"

Remember the three rules of aging:
1, Never pass up a bathroom stop
2. Never waste a boner
3. Never trust a fart

While we are on the topic of farts, my uncle had a good one.
He would bomb us out, practically making us puke from the stink of it all, and when we asked him how can you do that he would reply, "Hey man, everybody likes thier own brand!" --side note use that one at your own risk.:fishslap:

When it came to someone exagerating or tellin lies-

He talks through his hat.
He says more than his prayers.

Oh and another in the same vain--

He talks to hear himself talk.

He talks to hear himself talk.

Scientists studying why dogs bark for no apparent reason
discovered that they do it just to hear themselves .
and............
one of the reasons people were found to want to smoke cigarettes
is to know they were still alive because they could see the smoke that they just exhaled.

:D
Or, as Dad would say,
"He plays to an audience, of one."

a little off topic... but your comment reminded me of this .......
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Horn the Flute Player ...who has made recordings in the cheops pyramid in egypt and in the taj mahal too... a long time ago...tho

Anyways, Paul goes walking into the Taj Mahal and gets stopped by the cleric (priest) in there and he says "you can't come in here!"
"this is where we pray to GOD !"

Paul just walked right past him saying....
"i came here: to play to GOD"....and kept on walking. :rotfl:
followed by his recording technician....

we have an Uncle Karl in our family who lives in michigan
on 1000 acres that he farms....

every night just about...my day would tell us about Uncle Karl
and how much food he ate.....
first he starts with a big plate of potatoes...
and my dad would gesture the size of the mound of taters
then he has a huge plate of green beans....gesturing again
then he has a big bowl of squash this big encircling his arms...

going on and on about how uncle Karl was the strongest man in the world and all...:hihi:

just to get his 6 sons to eat their little amount of veggies :D

While we are on the topic of farts:


"Dear god, what keeps you on the ground?"

or:

"Somethng crawled up inside you and died!"

;)

When I was a know-it-all teenager my Dad used to tell me, "you don't know yet what you don't know yet and you think that makes you smart."

[QUOTE=Karl F]cool Uncle Karl story.. :D
"Oh $hit!"...
[QUOTE]

Infamous words, handed down from generation to generation. :hihi:

good stories Raven & Karl

here is another...."you don't know your arse from your elbow"

we have an Uncle Karl in our family who lives in michigan
on 1000 acres that he farms....

every night just about...my day would tell us about Uncle Karl
and how much food he ate.....
first he starts with a big plate of potatoes...
and my dad would gesture the size of the mound of taters
then he has a huge plate of green beans....gesturing again
then he has a big bowl of squash this big encircling his arms...

going on and on about how uncle Karl was the strongest man in the world and all...:hihi:

just to get his 6 sons to eat their little amount of veggies :D

Smart Dad ya had there Rav.

quote karl: I can't friggin stand heights, or climbing!!! :)

what about your fondness for booze....
maybe from a different perspective
but there none the less....:as:

Smart Dad ya had there Rav.

he was Senoir Vice PRESIDENT OF STATE STREET BANK....

HE SOLD OR TRADED MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF BONDS EACH DAY

OOPS CAPS SORRY

but he was also the greatest fibber of all time....

because Uncle Karl came to visit us one summer
and he was a skinny as a bean pole
hahahahahaha :bl2: it was a riot.... the guys real tall
and wasn't as much of a giant as he said he was
thats for sure....
But old uncle karl got a big kick out of it...
just the same...

Always at least one wild one in the family, and actually we had quite a few. :hihi: The one i remember best was Uncle Charles, better known as Pop Kuie. The whole family was over 6'2", but Pop Kuie was about 5'5" and weighted #100lbs soakin wet. He also had buck teeth and in those days if ya had 'em, ya had 'em.

He learned to fight early, as he was teased alot,and would look for trouble wherever he could find it. They say, he fought like a Bantam Rooster. :D Anyways, the last fight that he had, that i know of, was when he was 81. Some guy made a wise crack about his German Sheperd, he was kinda ugly, and that set him off. :hihi: Ended up in court, the whole 9 yards. :D

When he hit a snag while working-

I'm gettin nowhere fast.

:D
Or, as Dad would say,
"He plays to an audience, of one."
My Dad's was "He talks just to hear his head rattle"

When you're working on something with some one watching and you screw it up. " Why did you just stand there and let me do that?" My brother Pat thought that I was serious for 30 years!! "remember when you chewed me out for letting you screw up your Harley?" I was 19 he was 9.

The car would hit a bump in the road, and everybody would yell-

Thank you mam.

"Gag a maggot on a gut wagon"

always asked a kid when he was trying to grow a mustache " you tryin to cultivate somethin under your nose that grows wild around your a$$"

you would be anticipating something big happening and he would say--

Don't put the cart before the horse.
or
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

"I'm not pissed at you because of what you did.
I'm pissed at the fact that you got caught.
Whatever you do; don't get caught."
(Smack. Open hand; small of the back. Black & blue in the shape of a hand.)
Dad.
The older I get; (37); the more he makes sense.

[QUOTE=Karl F
Trust me.. it stuck like glue in the back of the mind....[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah, fear ruled in those days and

as my Dad would say, "a good swift kick in the rear end", would enforce it. :(

The problem with the youth of today.
Never were "taught" respect.
Ever find yourself at a green light with one of them walking REAL slow across the street in front of the truck?
Pants halfway down, baseball cap sideways.
With "that look" or ignoring you altogether?
I wish fear still ruled.
Or I was allowed to punch it & run them the **** down.

"give 'em a dose of his own medicine"

"there's a sucker born every minute"

"Lunk head"

one of Clammer's favorites, "Nit wit"

"give him an inch and he'll take a mile "

i used to hate being told to go cut a switch...
.........that was a green branch to get a whippin with....

one day i bring in this big ole branch hopin it would break
or maybe he'd calm down and change his mind....not :hs:

it broke alright......right over my backside. :crying:

you say potato, i say F- You. was my gramp's favorite :hihi:

Didn't read all the posts, but what about, "chit or get off the pot"?

"hey kid I think you've played to many games without a helmut"?

"Don't be listening to every Tom, #^&#^&#^&#^&, and Harry." :doh:

Moms quotes, #! "The night before has nothing to do with the following day". Usualy followed by git your butt outta bed and go to work / school etc.
#2 "I ain't running no house of illrepute, if i was i'd be a lot richer than i am, so knock it off. (meaning no girls in your room. HE HE)
#3 Put all your wants in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first.
Dads,#1 "Lockes keep the honest people honest"
#2 "If you don't get caught taking it, don"t get caught taking it back".
#3 "Use the rest room at work and get paid for it" My improvement is getting time and a half for a sat morn dump.
The evil step mother, #1 was allways wanting to "knock me into the middle of next weak". (some day im gonna get a BIG dog to crap on her grave when she dies. wife wont let me do it personaly).

and people wonder why i am the way that i am. BW

i guess that ended this forum :hidin: :hidin:

A guy would go to jail and they'd say, "he's in the hoosegow".

Gettin' old ain't for sissies- LKB the first

if your so smart ...why aren't you rich!

my dad use to say sometimes:

"to each their own said the man who kissed the cow."


The other one i'd hear allot... not sure from "who"

"the road to heaven is paved with good intentions" :rolleyes:



or a reference was "come hell or high water...."

then... there was the driving the old standard shift saying....

"grindem til ya findem"

then... there was the driving the old standard shift saying....

"grindem til ya findem"

Yup Rav, and then there was" put the petal to the metal" and

"he's got a lead foot."

my dad use to say sometimes:

"to each their own said the man who kissed the cow."


The other one i'd hear allot... not sure from "who"

"the road to heaven is paved with good intentions" :rolleyes:



or a reference was "come hell or high water...."

then... there was the driving the old standard shift saying....

"grindem til ya findem"

I always thought it was "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"

And I was always taught : Can't find em; grind em.
Didn't put that on my first job app. for a driving job.
After the first few years the grinding stopped.
Or I got a better radio.
Once you figure out engine speed to shift points it's just a clunk.
(That's in my F-150)
The bigger the truck; the easier it is.

From Dad, "Don't bite your nose to spite your face"....From Mom, regarding excuses beginning with "If", "If the dog didn't stop to have a crap, he would have caught the rabbit"....

my grandmother used to say"children should be seen and not heard!"

"He's afraid of his own shadow".

My dad.."because I said so" or my mom "Wait 'till your father gets home".

I hope is snows crotch deep on a 9 foot Indian and soon.

Keep your tailgate up and don’t let your chain drag!

Instead of my mother giving me the wooden spoon I'd get hit with the rubber sputula.....this worked until the day I started laughing at her as she was doing it..........that was last week:laugha: :laugha:

My dad when he was heading out the door to go have a few with the boys. Where are you going........"Going to see a man about a horse"...

My dad.."because I said so" or my mom "Wait 'till your father gets home".

:rotfl:

Dredging up the painful memories of my childhood.

I actually got the "because I said so" answer from the systems administrator/I.T. person in my last job.

Those two were in cahoots with one another.

When you piled huge piles of food on your plate and couldn't finish it, my Dad would say -

your eyes were bigger than your stomach.

I can remember my father on more than one occasion saying "a good run is better than a bad stand" it took a bloody nose and a black eye to realize it didnt apply to just fishing in a lightning storm!

wise guy- "needs his ears pinned back"

haircut-- "ya had your ears lowered"

"don't put the cart before the horse"

"thats like lockin the barn after the horse was stolen"

You'll eat your food, and you'll LIKE it.

Karl, I put lima beans in an envelope addressed "China" when I was a kid. Mom was not amused. I guess I shoulda been thinking of kids in West Virginia....

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"

You reminded me of my father saying, "You can lead a horse to water...," pause with a grin and then, "but if you can't make him roll over and float, ya got nothin!"

When my brother or I would complain that the steak was tough, my father would always respond, "It's tougher where there's none!"

Mother: "You look like death warmed over!"

Mother: "You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse," as someone said earlier.

Mother: "You kids'll be the death of me yet!"

Our town had a lady bus driver who was bow-legged. My father must have said a million times, "she's not bowlegged, she's pleasure-bent."

My father always called underarm deoderant, "Marine shower."

Any difficult task was, "... like pushing a boulder uphill."

When it came to Politicians-

Yeah, a pot in every kitchen and a chicken in every pot.

They promise ya everything, and give ya Arpege.

That enough of your shenanagans
what kind of monkeyshines are you getting into ?
get your head screwed on straight

Time and tide wait for no man.

When I was a kid at supper time in our house:
"when the plate comes around the 1st time take what you want, cause it won't make the trip again"

I've got a new/old expression I use with the brazilian guys I work with.
Not sure this is the correct spelling in portuguese,
"Va Ci Fudier "

Usually after one of us kids did something irremediable, Dad's version of getting the toothpaste back in the tube, " Well I guess the sh!t's outa that horse."

One of us, " But Dad, if..."
Dad, "If my sister had testicles she'd be your uncle."

Mom's favorite curse at us kids, "I hope you get one just like you!"

Wooden spoons, mom always kept one in her purse. One day at the market we're at the counter, paying for groceries when mom busts one across my ear. The clerk to my mother, " Lady, now I know why you buy 'em by the dozen."

Mom's Sicilian salute: She'd fully extend her hand with her fingers tightly together, clench the edge of her index finger between her front teeth then smartly snap her hand forward. For added emphasis she'd sometimes tremble with rage other times she'd calmly smile while performing the gesture. It all depended upon the particular company present at the time. This gesture was only used when justice needed to be delayed and wooden spoons would be inappropriate.

Nonna, rather apologetically after introducing me to one of her friends, "He's a little lively".

I'm glad they hadn't yet invented Prozac.

Happy Easter, Guys
-'butcher

I've had enough of your antics
you can't pull the wool over my eyes mister
I know you're up to something

My dad would ask is the paint dry yet????

The correct answer is I don't know.

Don't think your doing something new, I did it first.....

I thought people just didn't think!

Now I know 99 % of them are just plain stupid!

The rules....

Admit to nothing.

Deny everything.

Demand proof.

Cover your ass.

Many hands make light work.

All talk and no action

Action speaks louder than words

That's a buncha baloney

Thats's malarkey

My dad would ask is the paint dry yet????

The correct answer is I don't know.

Don't think your doing something new, I did it first.....

I thought people just didn't think!

Now I know 99 % of them are just plain stupid!

The rules....

Admit to nothing.

Deny everything.

Demand proof.

Cover your ass.

You ever work for the phone company?
I heard the same from my old roommate.
"Admit nothing; deny everything."
And "CYA" I have actually had to explain what that means.

My dad said , I'm proud of you Mike " even though your a truck driver" or how about this " your never going to amount to nothing"
All this happened years ago I have amounted to something maybe not in his eyes but I can support my family & have a strong marrige for 27 years.
I do have deep set resentment but he is OLD now 89 and have to show some respect but the old sayin is I can forgive but never FORGET and I never will
I try to set a good example for my sons no matter what kind of life I have led, told them right from wrong and the meaning of RESPECT /// I can only some of this has rubbed off & I think it has.
Thank you LINK SR

When a guy would be running around like a chicken with his head cut off, my Dad would say-

He's busier than a one armed paper hanger with the itch.

Thought of one this morning-

"Birds of a feather flock together."

From my Irish grandmother when she had diarreah, “Sweet Mother Of Jesus, me arse is in flames!”

Here's a few of my fav's:

"he's about as sharp as a bag of wet mice"
"He's like a one armed man in a slap fight"
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy"

I like to sling these kind of "pearls of wisdom" around when someone needs a reality slap. If I can make the person look at me and say "What the heck are you talking about?" then I'm successful.

If a cat has kittens in the oven do ya call em biscuts
Finest kind
Hard saying not knowing
Ayup

Don't run over your spare tire.....


;)

Ya, and no more Orleans to Hyannis in under 12. :doh: :hihi:

For the love of Mike
Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Barney Mitchell:huh:
Go sh*t in your hat

My late Grandmother (God rest her soul) had a few beauties.

1-Throw the baby down the stairs a hat

2-Did you see that carlaid or loadies? (carload of ladies)

3-I asked her one day: Gram, where are the cookies? She replied in the upper left, right hand corner.

Dad: I helped put you on this Earth and I can damn sure help take you off.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other

My 85 year old mother still says to this day,"Six of one, a half dozen of another." when comparing to things that are equal. I say it now to my daughters but it comes out the way she said it to me, which sounde like one big fast word. Sixofone,ahalfdozenofanother. One of the girls,14, can't repeat it with out screwing it up, no matter how hard she tries.

When some thing wasn't going your way it was,"Take it with agrain of salt." Someone who was down and out was always "a poor old slob" When she found a small bag of pot in my schoolbag she told me," You're brain is a fried egg." If you came home with a few too many in you, slurring your words, she would say that you had '"a thick tounge"

Grandma who was from Nova Scotia would always describe anything she didn't like as ugly as a bucket of eels. Too bad she is long gone as she had many back woods sayings that i can't for the life of me remember anymore. I'll have to ask my mom if she remembers any of em.

Grandma who was from Nova Scotia would always describe anything she didn't like as ugly as a bucket of eels. Too bad she is long gone as she had many back woods sayings that i can't for the life of me remember anymore.

Trust me P., when ya get older you'll remember every one of them and you'll realize how much truth was and is in them. :hihi:

Couple more:

When a young stud was full of himself and thought he knew all the answers--

"He's full of pi$$ and vinegar, now he's running, but soon he'll be walking."

Another one similar --

"Hire a teenager while he still knows all the answers."

Heard one the other night that made me chuckle..

"He was all over it like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich" :hihi:

ANd guess who didn't...:doh:

Killer Thread,,,,,,,,,just foundit today!

I grew up in Oklahoma, so we had simialr expressions for the same Life situations, only worded differently, waaaaaay differently!!

here's some from my Dad (Marine, small town cop):
~~about fighting,,,,,,,,,,
"Don't start sumthin, ya can't finish!"
"That boy's mouth is writtin' checks his body can't cash!"
~~things to say to a prospective opponent,,,,,,,,,,
"I'll slapp the dog snott right outta YOU!"
"I'll slapp a hair-lip on you big enuff to comb!"
"I'll go thru you,,,,like crap through a GOOSE!"
~~to us when we were pushing his patience level,,,,,,,,,,
"Keep that up and I'll beat you like you stole somethin'!"
"I'll stomp a mud-hole in yer azzz, boy!"
"I'll drop you like a baaaaad HABIT!"
"I'll go thru you,,,,like Grant took Richmond!"
"Don't MAKE me come over there,,,,,,"

my Mom only had one about fighting:

"Don't you start it, but you can damn sure FINISH it!"

my ALL time favorite from my Dad was to me and my brother who were 13 mths apart in age. and we were brutal to each other growing up, but don't ever mess with either one of us, either.

anyways, outside of his usuall "I'll pull this car over right now and give you both a whoopin that you'll NEVER forget" and my Mom's "I've got eyes in the back of my head and I can SEE everything you two are doing!"(rearview mirror)

my favorite from my Dad to us was,
"You two boys would FIGHT about the TIME OF DAAAAY!" that one seemed to always put the brakes on us.

"Nobody's getting up from this table until their plates are cleaned"

"There are children your AGE, right now, STARVING in Africa!!"

"If you don't eat yer greens, you won't have muscles like these!"

"Your momma has slaved in this HOT kitchen all day to make you this meal, boys,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so you better eat everyting on yer plate!"

my mom, when we expressed our appreciation for anything as kids(good food, polished shoes, clean clothes, clean room) or to our questions of how did you do THAT Mom?

she would always reply with, "I learned how to do that in the Corps/Navy/Army/Air Force"

Mom,,,,,,,,,,
"If Johnny jumped off of the Empire State Building/leaped into the Grand Canyon/stepped in front of a freight train/pissed into the wind, then would you do it to follow suit?"

"Well! You don't live at Johnny's house, and your name is NOT Johnny Uptonogood. Your name is..............and you ARE still my son and as long as you are living under THIS roof you WILL............."

Stepfather (about as Okie as they come)
"You wouldn't know your azzzz from a hole in the ground!"
"If your azzz wasn't attached you'd forget where THAT is, too!"
"It's a good thing that yer head is screwed on, because if it wasn't you'd take it off and play with it!"
"That stunt makes you just about dumber than a box of rocks!"
"What in tarnation were you thinking?"
"Think before you speak, don't let your mouth overload your brain!"
"You wake up in a different world everyday, don't ya boy?"
"You'd eff up a wet dream!"
"How much is it gonna cost me THIS time?"

sheet fire and save the matches,

sheet, or git off the pot,

he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a handful of gravel,

he couldn't hit a bull in the azzzz with a bass fiddle,

they don't have a pot to piss in or a winder to throw it out of,

slow as molasses in the winter time,

quicker than greased lightning,

smart as a whip,

purty as a pig in a poke,

ten foot tall and bulletproof,

as full of sheet as a Christmas turkey,

talkin' to her is like trying to rope the wind,

he's about as lost as a fart in a tornado,

dangit boy! sumthin' must a crawled up in you and died!!,

i am plum, tuckered out,

labor conquers all,

if you make yer bed ~~you gotta lie in it,

never shat in yer own backyard,

don't make a liar out of yerself, cuz you ain't foolin' anyone else!,

only women and dogs get mad,

~~~in the pursuit of Love~~~

18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy! if they cain't walk, DRAG 'em!!,

that boy would eff a rattler ~if somebody would hold it's head,

you got no chance, she'd throw rocks at you!,

will ya look at the shiiiiiitter on that critter?,

if i had a swing like THAT, i'd never leave the back porch,

she's not that big,,,,,,,,,,i LIKE a little meat w/ my pahtaytees!,

she's a little skinny,,,,,,,,,,,i'd be afraid i'd break that in 1/2!,

them's breeder hips!, it's cheaper to keep her!,

that's the kinda gal you take home to meet momma,

she sure has pretty TEETH, and i want them BOTH,

i said "I do" ~she said "YOU better!",

My dad had a few, " In due time", that meant wait or forget about it.
I was told many times, when younger, " I'm gonna lean on ya". And he did a few times. :bl:
And when one of the kids did a good job, " an apple doesn't fall too far from it's tree".

My dad had a few, " In due time", that meant wait or forget about it.
.

Ya JZ, my Dad used to say, "We'll see", which meant the same thing. :hihi:

it became a family tradition...

what's for desert?

the ole DAD would always say....

Royal Supreme !

what 's for dinner was said to be hummingbirds tongue on toast.

another
I have seen more meat on a sparrows kneecap

When a woman was angry:

"She was madder than a wet Hen."

When a guy was speeding:

He was going like a Bat outa Hell.

When a guy had a 6th sense of where the cops had a speed trap:

He's got "The Tingle.: :hihi: :D

2 out of 3 ain't bad....

do that again and i'll make you sorry

2 out of 3 ain't bad....

Your ahead of me, waaay ahead of me. :D

Pops was a grave digger and his saying was "I'll be the last one to let ya down". With mom it was " I getting that cat of nine tails ", you knew it was feet do your duty time!----LOUIE

I remember another one my mom would say to me," You will never get an ulcer because you are a carrier!"-----LOUIE

" What did you expect would happen! "----LOUIE

When a guy was really mad they'd say, "He's hot under the collar".

What's for desert?? "Snow puddin".

hair cut ;

got your ears lowered ;;


but somethings are the same >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I,ll kick your F #$%^&*() ass ;;:soon:

You can't fix stupid....

My all time favorite is: " What the hell is wrong with you, son!?"

My all time favorite is: " What the hell is wrong with you, son!?"

:rotflmao: Oh man Fred, how many times did i hear that one. :D