Number 10: Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.

Number 8: Men only have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7: Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6: Some people are like a Slinky - not really good for much of anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5: Health nuts are going to feel really stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3: Why is it that a slight tax increase cost you $ 4800.00 per year, and a substantial tax cut saves you maybe $21.00 per year?

Number 2: In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal.

And The Number 1 Thought: Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, just might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."