Thought you might get a kick out of this. You can take the Ditch out of RI, but you can never take RI out of Ditch :)

You know you’re a Rhode Islander when:

You really believed that being the home to "The World’s Largest Shore Dinner Hall" gave the state international prestige.

Your father was considered to have a "travelling job" if you lived in Pawtucket and he worked in a factory in East Providence.

You spent hours debating whether WPRO or WICE was the better station. If you liked WICE, your favorite expression was "PRO rots".

A gourmet seafood dinner was a bowl of steamers, a "stuffie" and "bake stuff shrimp" at Mama Spumonis.

You never understood the odd looks you got when you ordered a meatball grinder and a coffee cabinet at the airport in Atlanta.

"Please?" is a question, not a polite request.

You know deep in your heart that the PC Friars would’ve whipped the butt of that Walton Gang from UCLA in the NCAAs, if only Marvin didn’t tear his knee up in the semis against Memphis State.

The seminal historical event in your life was the Blizzard of ’78.

You walk into a black tie affair filled with Hollywood celebs and all living ex-Presidents, and the first words you say to your spouse or date are, "Look, there’s Salty Brine!!"

You know there’s a place called Chepachet in your state, but you’ve never been there and only marginally know that it’s "up north somewhere". See also, Little Compton. Except you know that’s somewhere south.

There’s only one beach in the Ocean State worth talking about, and that’s Scahbro. Only tourists from Connecticut and western Mass go to Misquamicut.

You’ve drunk 3 Awful-Awfuls just to get the 4th one for free.

You know deep inside that if Salty was ever on a private jet with the Pope and the President, and it crashed, the next day’s headline in the Journal would read, "SALTY BRINE, TWO OTHERS PERISH IN PLANE CRASH"

You remember leaving a Reds’ hockey game at the old Auditorium with your eyes smarting from the cloud of smoke that obscured the ice from the cheap seats by the start of the third period.

Christmas meant going to the old Sears on North Main Street just to see the electric train display.

Your Easter clothes always came from Shartenberg’s or The Outlet. Boys sometimes got their suits at Saltzman’s.

You lost your cherry in the back seat of dad’s 75 Monte Carlo at the Rustic Drive-In.

Thanksgiving high school football games. East Providence vs. LaSalle, Cranston East vs. Cranston West, Pilgrim vs. Vets, St Ray’s vs. Tolman, Cumberland vs. Lincoln, etc. How your team did affected the taste of the turkey.

When a tourist asked you where a water fountain was, you directed them to Kennedy Plaza or Slater Park.

You remember the FEI Club and Busty Russell. As well as the El Morocco.

You still are shocked when you learn that Baskin-Robbins doesn’t sell coffee ice cream.

You know how to play Hi-Lo-Jack.

Your choice of what 6 PM news broadcast to watch turns on who the weather forecaster is.

You know the historical significance of Joe Garrahy’s flannel shirt.

You think that New Yorkers actually eat orange hot dogs with ground hamburger on top.

"Hi Neighbor, Have a ‘Gansett".

No matter how good the game you were playing as a kid was, you had to be home by 5 to watch Salty Brine’s Shack.

Your parents booked a hotel room after a wedding in South Kingstown so they didn’t have to drive "all that way" back to Providence—or even Warwick.

Your idea of a mixed marriage is when you wed someone from a different parish.

You actually wonder why no one from the Pawtucket Times has ever been considered for a Pulitzer Prize.

You’ve heard Salty say "No school, Foster-Glouster" at least 1,000 times in your life.

The only trucks and heavy equipment you ever saw doing a highway project were from Campanella and Cardi.

You know someone whose distant cousin once actually voted Republican. And that was for Chaffee.

You’re convinced that the greatest political orator in recorded human history was John O. Pastore.

You know that no big-time sports announcer ever called a game as well as George Patrick Duffy or Chris Clark.

You bought your suits from Monticello’s as an adult because that was where Ernie D shopped.

Your mother still has pictures of JFK and Pope John XXIII on the mantle.

You’d actually consider flying in from Alaska to attend your 8th grade class reunion.

You’re considered to be a cosmopolitan man of the world because you know how to get to Fenway Park by car.

You fail to see the humor in Don Bosquet’s cartoons.

You vote for a convicted felon for your mayor because you really believe that "he never stopped caring about Providence".

You know that the greatest event of the 20th century wasn’t landing on the moon, it was the opening of Foxwoods.

You buy 5 loaves of bread and 3 gallons of milk, and top off the tank with $2.75 worth of gas the second one little snowflake falls from the sky.

You never realized that no one west of New London, or north of Foxboro, had any idea of who Salty Brine is.

Your feelings about Bucky Dent depend on whether you live north or south of Providence, and also on whether your last name ends in a vowel.

"You can have all those smarty-pants on the Weather Channel, give me Art Lake anytime".

A big part of your life vanished the day they sold Crescent Park.

If you live in certain areas of Providence, or in Lincoln, North Providence or Johnston, you remove your hat whenever Sinatra singing "My Way" comes on the radio.

You get that smug satisfaction that having a 3 day weekend in August gives you, especially when you know that no one anywhere else celebrates that holiday.

When you finally move into that dream house in South County, your mom in Cranston still calls and asks if you and the entire brood want to come up and stay "just in case", anytime they forecast more than a dusting of snow.


Happy Holidays to all.

Mike,

OK, I only got some of them, certianly the ones where the magnetic field of common sense is disturbed but in order to double my knowledge of Rho Dysland you gotta tell me, who the hell is Salty Brine. The only thing I know of him is that there is a little park in Gallilee named after him... (with no further discussion of said park :P )...

Mike, ya gotta help me, man... I'm dyin' heeereh!!

Ah, you have two strikes against you on getting Salty--you're under 40 and you just moved here. Salty was the morning drive-time guy on WPRO and WPRO-FM for about 30 years--biggest and most revered celebrity in the whole state. Every political candidate in the state would have killed to get him to endorse them. He had a half-hour kids' show on WPRO Channel 12 back in the early 60s, he always signed off with "Brush your teeth and say your prayers" then told his pet collie, Jeff, to "Say goodnight, Jeff". Jeff would then woof on cue.

Salty was the guy everyone listened to after a snow storm to find out whether school was cancelled--it wasn't official until Salty said it.

He's gotta be closing in on 90 right now, and doesn't do the radio show any more--but I heard him doing a commercial for Cardi's Furniture this summer.

I guess the best way to put it is, he's a bigger RI institution than the Blue Bug, Buddy Cianci and the Journal-Bulletin all rolled into one.

Where's Saltheart when you need him? He could probably explain it better

Great Job Mike. All too true. A couple more that stick out in my mind although some are Central Falls specific. Miss Bonnie walking her cat on a leash in front of the outlet company. Taking a ride to the country...Lincoln Woods 2 miles away. 186 bar rooms in 1 square mile of Central Falls. The filter beds. Little league , choir boys , patrol boys , alter boys all had their outings to the same place...Rocky Point. Rhode Island born and Rhode Island bread and when we die we'll be Rhode Island Dead. Driving to Federal Hill to see "the mafia" on a Sunday afternoon. Digging steamers off Colts Park. Feeling for quohogs with your heel at Goddard Park. Visiting Uncle Tony just once a year cause he lived too far away....North Kingston. Going Downtown...Pawtucket. The New York Lace Store. A night out was a trip to Coats Field. Facing Captain Hunt for throwing snowballs at cars. Yes Sister , No Sister , Yes Sister , No Sister. It was a sad day when Jeff passed away but Salty got a new dog and named it...Jeff. In 1967 , every eigth grade graduation speech had to mention John Fogarty. "The State House has one of only 4 marble domes in the whole world , the others being the US Capital , St Peters in Rome , and the Taj Mahall in India." Ask a first grader , Who's you US representative..don't know...who's your US senator...don't know...who's the head of the mafia... Raymond Patriaca. "Salty gave us the day off cause of the snow." If you don't behave we'll send you to Sakonnosett! Fish and chips wrapped in newspaper to go. We don't hang around with him cause he's from Hedley avenue we're from Cowden St....1 street apart. Chug Chug races down Fuller avenue. The big green box at the playground. We'll never see Dolores again , she moved all the way to East Providence. Holy Trinity , that's the Irish Catholic Church , Notre Dame , thats the French Catholic church , St Josephs , thats the Polish catholic Church , St Basil's , thats the Syrian Catholic church ...but they're all catholic , can't we go there...you can but your not suppose to! Lying is 5 days in purgatory , stealing is 30 days in Purgatory , fighting is 10 days in purgatory but all is not lost , one hail mary is worth 1 days indulgence , an Our Father is worth 3 days indulgence , and if you rack up too many days in Purgatory or even a Mortal sin , you can go to 9 first fridays and wipe your whole slate clean. Going Roofing. Waiting in line at the Bubbla. Uncle Joe lives in West Warwick now....where's that?

just an endless list of memeories.

To all my fishing friends , Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fight!

Salty was , and still is to some of us , the most famous and most loved of all RI celebrities. He's Larry Bird , Ted Williams and Bobby Orr all rolled into one.

He was the king of the radio talk show hosts. Unlike now where its all griping and running people down , Salty got the highest ratings for 30 years and never said a mean thing about anybody , even if they deserved it.

Every kid in RI listened to the radio during a snow storm to see if Salty would give them the day off from school.
Salty's Shack was his TV program and he showed Popeye cartoons. From the toughest kids to the smartest kids and everyone in between , every kid in RI in the Fifties and sixties watched the Salty Brine Show.
He was just on the Steve Cass radio show this morning where he and Nick , Ron and Pete Cardi were playing characters in The Christmas Carol. He still sounds exactly like has did as far back as I can remember.

It wouldn't surprise me if they closed the RI State Offices the day he dies. Certainly flags will be at half mast and the Governor will attend his funeral.

I guess its hard to describe him , you just had to be there to understand who he is and what he means to Rhode Islanders. The phrase Mike mentioned , "Brush your teeth and say your prayers" is the most well recognized sentence in the state even though its been decades since his show went off the air.

And I always thought that James Woods was the most famous guy outa Rhody, guess I was wrong...

Saltheart - WOW
That's all I can say, makes me feel that the time spent in Jamaica Plain was lacking something... Of 'course, could always hop on the subway and travel across metropolitan Boston :P

Romper, bomper, stomper, doo :) Yep, Saltheart, good old Miss Bonnie. If your Mom turned on Channel 4 instead of Channel 10, you cried because you got Miss Jean instead of Miss Bonnie. I remember Salty warning us not to try the things the 3 Stooges did, even before "parental advisories" on TV shows were even dreamed up. Remember how every Christmas, he'd travel to the North Pole by some exotic way? And the sidekick he had for awhile, Ollie?

Family style chicken and shells dinners at Knight's Farm. Saturday afternoon matinees at the Strand and the Leroy. How Blackstone Blvd and the East Side was as exotic as a foreign country. Duckpin bowling. Haven Brothers' truck--the thought of a fried egg and cheese sandwich at 4 AM!! I could do this all afternoon, thanks for the memories.

I'm impressed with both of you, and Mr. Salty Brine. My early years in the salt sticks of Maryland had nothing endearing enough along these lines to spark such vivid memories so later in life (not like you two are old, ya know :P )

Again, I am also impressed with the way that you two are able convey this to all of us. It almost feels like having been there too...