i think this Thread is in need of a poll :)

my 2 cents

Gee Bush voted for him self!! I will have to go with Van, It was very hard there were some good story's here!! Congrats to all!!

*racking brain for best story*

I have two stories, both personal stories that have nothing to do with fishing.... is that ok?

Sure...

OK people - so far Van has it - what's the deal?

I think Van has it too. The following story is just a funny one to share, don't have to enter it into any contest.

Ok, so I work in a schwanky place in Boston, the head honcho's are VERY cool. One of our benefits is a weekly massage.
Every week, one of three women come in and set up a massage chair, and all employees have the option of a 20 minute massage.

WELL. There is one woman in particular who just does an awesome job, and I was in need of a treat that week. I'd never gotten a massage before, so thought, what the heck, its 60.00, what better to spend it on than an hour long massage??

This is the email story I sent to my friends:


After work, I circle Boston a few times searching for the place. After finally finding the place in Cambridge, I drive right by the parking lot and have to take my life in my hands turning
around to circle back.


Inside, I wait the 15 minutes I (I got there early,) and then an
additional fifteen minutes for the masseusse to eat dinner.


Finally I am in the room. I've been given time to get as
undressed as I want, and under the sheet. Just as I'm half dressed, a knock comes at the door.
"Just a minute" I say, which through the oak door is loosely translated to: "Come right in immediately," and in comes
the masseuse as I stand there half dressed.

This should be my first indication that things might not go so well.

Finally undressed, I realize that the room is somewhere around 15 degrees.....celcius. I ran for the cover of the thin white sheet just to stay warm.

When I am under the sheet and she comes back, she asks: is there anything you don't want me to work on, ticklish spots, etc. I say: well, I sprained my ankle last week (show the ace bandage here) and tell her how much it still hurts, but is getting better.

This apparently would also have been my time to ask her kindly NOT to touch my buttocks.
I did not realize she would be touching my buttocks.
It was quite a surprise when she touched my buttocks.

I was sure as she worked her way down my back that it would stop at my belt level. When it proceeded well past my belt level, I was sure there MUST be muscles in my behind that she psychically knew were tense that she had to work on. She is a professional after all, I should trust her.

Let me tell you, at this point, ALL the muscles in my behind were tense!

YOU DON'T MIND DO YOU?? THAT'S MY BUM!!!!

Not only am I a good 10lbs overweight and have not hit the gym in months....but they are my buttocks!!!! Good LORD! She could at least buy me dinner first!!!

I haven't seen that much action or had that much groping since my boyfriend was alive, and back then it was an entirely different ball game, let me tell you.

I began to pray at this point for a natural disaster to knock out the stereo and lighting, so I could go home.

Maybe someone could knock on the door with an emergency to get me out of this torture.

Perhaps a wild and rabid dog could break down the door and eat me alive. Anything.

Leave the back of my legs alone. Leave those cheeks alone! At this point she's just pushing the side of each hip and I'm rocking on my belly back and forth, getting sea sick, wondering WHAT on God's green earth ever possessed me to get a massage.

Back to my injured ankle saga.

Now, while there is NO oak door to slaughter these words into another poor translation, you might also be wondering how the words: "It still hurts" somehow translated into "No injuries, feel free to toss me around like a rag doll."

While lying on my back, she took the liberty to stretch me out Bobby Brady style by PULLING on the feet, one at a time, TWICE EACH, rotating the foot and in the process.....tearing all healed ligaments back away from the bone.

I felt GREAT! One would think the wincing and gasping would have made her stop after the first round. Boy was I wrong.

So now I've felt cold, violated, and a new form of ankle agony, all at the tune of $65.

I think of the amount of books I could have bought at Barnes and Noble for $65.00.

I think of the fishing equiptment I could have had for $65.00.

Dinner? I could have had an OUTSTANDING dinner....for $65.00.


But instead I am lying in close to my birthday suit being probed at like an alien abduction, I've re-injured my swollen ankle, and felt exactly like a piece of prime rib being prepared for dinner.

sigh. Next time I have a big idea to "treat myself," please forward
this email back to me.



Sincerely,

Peg Leg Penny

:laughs: :) :bshake: :whackin: :lossinit: :read: :shocked: :bc: :wavey:

My vote is for my ugly brother,
Rick.
Mikey

I with Mikey - not sure if his brother is ugly, but I think Rick's story is hysterical.

OK - right now we have 4 Votes for the shriveled Bamba, 2 for Van, and one for Jimbo - is this it for votes?

Just read Peg leg Penny's and I'm LMAO!

Chalk up one vote for Sweetieface.

ok...i will vote for the rick-man...

Hmmm....studly masculine pride crushed like a paper cup...that is funny!;) :laughs:

One tiny little vote for Rick :D

Mr. Bombardier

:laughs:

got any pics of your ordeal sweatieface ? LOL I couldnt help it . 10 #s over weight ? where ?


Rbamba has the most embarrasing one for sure . Hey rick did you get lucky that night ?

What toonoc said! One fer' RB.

This thread was a GREAT idea! LMAO!

Bomba Bubba - IT appears that you are the grand prize WINNAH! See something good comes from mini-flashin' the local girls :D ...

You win choice of a #^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^& 2OZ Needle (Blurple), a 2.5 Ounce Black scale Slammer, or a Parrot 1.5 Needlefish.... Which one bubba??

congrats bomba!

I think the NEEDLE fish would be appropriate

But it's not a stubby needlefish ??

There's Blurple anyways :laughs:

BTW, had the perfect special effect smilie, the blinking worm popping up, but it comes up :pop:

Good Job Rick
 

Just wanted to say congratulations on winning the contest. I certainly hope the people you must have bribed with a free meal at your place in exchange for votes enjoy their dinner, because I still can see how some chicks laughing at your shriveled pecker is funnier than childus-interruptus. Just kidding. Until the next contest, enjoy the lure.

John,
I think I will take the Blurple as it is the BIGGER of the needles.
Thanks again for everybody's support.
Anyhow, back to work tomorrow after two weeks on the death bed, kind of looking foreward to it.
I'll pm you with my address.
Thanks,
Rick

so rick when should I stop by for my free dinners ?

I hear Mikey cooks them all the time with all the big fish he catches....He's much closer to you too. He even wrastled a big one out of my hands the other day (me on my deathbed out on a boat in the middle of a monsoon)!
Greedy little monkey!!!
Rick

PS Jimbo...
That was a very well written and very funny story!
Van, you too (now you guys know why I got rid of my cell)
Later,
Rick

Hey, I should have congratulated the other entrants as well.
I finally confessed to my wife I had lost the contest and there was no new Parrot in my future (and threw in that I was very depressed). She replied, "Wait a second, isn't that what those two yellow, red and white lures you were finishing up painting last night are? " I said, "Well yes, but I reeeeaaalllly wanted that one." So she said, "Well I'll tell ya what, since the kids are away for three more days, what say we cheer you up by going to Hooters tonight and you can eat all the wings and drink all the beer and you can even wear your mirrored sunglasses so the waitresses don't think you're staring at them as long as you want, and I won't even get mad. WOW! I should be a loser more often!

heh. 'nuff said.

I like jimbo's prize

jimbo wins the prize patrol . a horney dog always walks sideways . So jimbo you get to walking straight yet ? LOL

what a great wife !