HEY!!!!FISH RAPTOR!!!!
I'm THINKING OF YOU!
HANG IN THERE. You can do it.
You're not along. We have your back.
Hang in there

I'm trying to hang in there.....
since I wrote the original post I have had some very sad, shaky and uncertain moments and bad thoughts.....

I just met with her youngest daughter moments ago, they invited me for dinner and it helped quite a lot. I am still uncertain of the near future but trying to keep my head above water.

I am meeting with a couple that we were friends with prior and they are taking me out to dinner just to talk.

I am also meeting on friday with 2 gals who also were very close to lori and they are in the profession needed to help me. We are meeting for coffee and talking.

I don't know if I am any better but I am no worse...... I guess that is a a good thing but not certain.

I am stable as of now but fear a dark moment might overtake me.

Trying to find reasons to ........ is difficult but "talking" to her and making believe she can hear me is helping. I know that sounds crazy but .......

I wish to thank everyone for their kind words, their thoughts and concerns. I would have never guessed that a site for fishing would have such a vast number of compassionate people.

If I make it though this I hope someday I can help someone else.

God bless you all.

if pic come through it is beautiful gal on far right. The other two are her daughters. Her soft smile could stop a loaded freight train. When I said she was one in a million I wasn't just using words..... she was "one in a million"

Not if....you will make it through this. Great picture. Don't lose sight of her two girls in that picture. She also lives on through them. Be there for them, as well as yourself. Sounds like you have lined up some close friends and professionals who will help you get through this, and you helping them as well.

This. Reach out to us if you need to, reach out to the professionals as well. We are all here for you.

Listen, I'm not sure anything I can say will help your pain right now but please remember the following:

God never gives you more than you can handle. There are guys here that have been through horrific episodes in their lives. Not trying minimize yours but we all have endured physical and mental pain.

5/0 just went through loosing 7 family members and his dog in one year.

In 2003 I had 10 operations including a quad bypass. 6 months later I was diagnosed with cancer. Then my company fired me because "they were going in a different direction".

We have all lost loved ones and their memory never fades nor does the pain diminish. But life goes on as yours must.

Remember, failure and giving up is NOT an option. Just keep fighting if for nothing else but Lori's kids and her memory.

Hey , I,ll take a ride to Burnt Hills , Ny .where ever the f uck that is .....if I can help ya :sled:

Fish Raptor.
Keep talking,,stay in touch with us.
We need you buddy.
I want you to stay away from the stinking thinking.
We've got your back.

Sorry for your loss!!
My wife of 35 years has been meeting with the Grim reaper as of late be between hosptail and rehab since Aug. just gets worse and worse! Between losing my mom in 2012, my uncle 2013, getting disabled ( lost kidneys) I have not been good!
But the guys here and my site have been so great I keep going! Have not fished in 2 years, but have a boat again, not much but it will get me out, hope to be on the water next season!
I have 2 new grandchildren and a 3rd on the way Thats what keeps me going now that and pray!
He really listens!!

That really sucks in no other words. Talk about it as much as you need . Life sure throws you some sad twists at times.My condolances. Try to keep your head up an remember the good times.

I am 56 years old and my wife is 53. I met my wife 34 years ago in college and we have been married for 29 years. Like your girlfriend she is my all everything, the smartest most driven person I have ever met and the center of my two daughters and my universe. In July 2014 she was diagnosed with stage 3 bile duct cancer. She had surgery to remove half her liver followed by 6 months of chemo followed by 2 months of radiation. She had one clean scan but three months after the radiation the cancer was back. She had three cycles of another chemo before it was determined it was not working. On October 30 of this year she decided to stop treatment enter Hospice and was given 2-3 months to live.

My world didn't go instantaneously dark like yours but it gets a little dimmer each day. I have spent the past six weeks reviewing wills, insurance policies, beneficiary forms, pre-planning a funeral and picking out our final resting place. We talk and laugh, we talk and cry and sometimes we just sit hold hands and say nothing at all. My most difficult times are at night when she is in bed, it's when I feel the most alone. I try to text family during that time, it helps. I don't think past the next day.

Your grief came upon you all at once and mine is building. So why do I write this? I have 20' Maritime Skiff that has sat for 2 years unused and like you I can't see a time when I will use and enjoy it again. I said to my wife I'm going to sell it but she told me I couldn't. She told me there would be a time when I would enjoy it again and when I was out fishing during a beautiful day she would be there with me. She also made me promise I would never cause myself any harm. I'm sure these would be the same words you would hear from your girlfriend.

Seek out a grief counselor. Talk to someone, talk to everyone.......

This thread makes me sad, especially since it is the Holiday season. Never forget Clammers words to enjoy what you have. It is difficult to offer advice in a situation like this,especially with strangers. It makes me want to hug the people I love.
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Very well said, Chris.
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Raptor, you don't know me, I offer this in the hopes that it may help.

I fell in love with a girl when I was 20 and at UCONN. She was truly my best friend and the love of my life. We had a spectacular relationship, we couldn't believe how happy we were together. And if you asked every single one of our friends "which couple do you know, that has the best relationship", every single person would have said me and her.

A year after I graduated, she was still in school. I had made vague plans with my older brothers to spend a day in NYC in the diamond district to buy an engagement ring for her graduation present. Before I did, she was killed in a car accident.

Like you, I was certain that my world had come to an end, that life could never be as bright as it once was, that there was almost no fathomable reason to go on. I could not have been more devastated. I lost 45 pounds in about 5 weeks. I had chronic nosebleeds from my blood pressure, which was measured once at 210/160, I was on blood pressure medication for almost 2 years. Food tasted like dirt. Music had no sound. All I could feel, the only thing I was capable of feeling, was loss. Nothing else, just loss. My days were horrible and my nights were worse, it was an unescapable nightmare.

Fortunately for me, I had a 6 month-old golden retriever that we planned on raising together. A few months after the crash, I took him for a hike at a local state park. There is a nice view of the lake from the top of a hill. We sat there (I swear that dog would sit there because he loved taking in the view). I gave him a biscuit. He licked my face. Down below at the lake, some little kids squealed with delight as they caught a fish with their Dad. It was a crystal blue sky, with a slight, refreshing breeze. I took a few deep breaths, and I swear I could feel her telling me that she wanted me to go on with my life. I looked around - at my happy loving dog, at the beautiful scenery, at the people enjoying the lake, and I decided that while there was a chance I would never be in a relationship again, I could still find beauty and meaning in this life.

Many years later, I doubt that 2 consecutive hours have gone by that I don't think about it. But time has worked its magic. I learned first-hand that the human heart and spirit really have an amazing capacity to heal. For me, it helped to have people I trusted, to talk to, because I had some really dark days. That's all part of grief, I think.

I believe that my former girlfriend is in a spectacular place right now. I believe she is happy and healthy, surrounded by her loved ones that passed first. I am certain that she is glad I put my life back together again. And I am certain that I will see her again some day.

Hang in there. Grief can be brutal and agonizing, it can push you right to the very limits of the human capacity to tolerate pain. It can push you right to the limit. But the amazing thing is, we can come back from the edge of that abyss.

I will be praying that eventually, your anguish will diminish, as mine did. Please hang in there, just keep breathing, talk to people you trust. And eventually, look around like I did, and try to find convincing evidence that despite tragedies that hit many of us, life does go on, and it can still have beauty and meaning.

May God Bless you.

Great post Jim. (well, heartbreaking but you know what I mean)

Such a sad and tragic story, my goodness I'm so sorry for your loss, T&P's.

I know what you mean, my friend!

If I have learned one thing in life, it is this - love always wins in the end. Love can certainly lose some gut-wrenching battles, but it can never, ever, lose the war.

LOVE ALWAYS WINS.

Fish Raptor
Just thinking of you buddy. Hope your spending time with your gal's daughters.
Stay in touch with this site. Keep talking. Keep thinking out loud.
Your not alone.

Thoughts and prayers brother, my cousin took his life years ago and I still can't think about it, in the short term you are doing the right things to move forward. For the long haul, time will heal you, just keep at it and keep yourself surrounded with friends and family.

Fish Raptor
Today and tomorrow are hard days to get through . Dont be alone ! Be with people you love and who loved your girl . It will help to be around like minded people for support .

Please Try and Have a Nice Day

Fish Raptor thinking of you this morning bud. Never met you, but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you this morning, as is most of us, and to let you know we care and want you to heal. Tight lines and look at how much you do have. Frank
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X2.

Sending you good thoughts and hoping you are well on this holiday.
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Hang in there pal!
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plan some activities.... stay working on stuff
keep that mind focused on chores, errands,
small tasks, whatever gives your - mind a break.

clean
every square inch an opportunity to make it nice

Dude. She is with you every day. Talk to her out loud and know she hears you. Make your life a partnership with her. Walk with her every day. We all suffer devastating losses. Its part of life unfortunately. God has a plan for you. Trust in Him.

I just saw this, and I am truly sorry.
One thing I know is that time is a great gift given to us to handle the pain of losing a loved one.
Cherish the memories my friend , but please don't live in the past. That's not good. You are given a new day every 24 hours , live in this day and have faith that all will get better. It does my friend. God be with you and may your Lori rest in peace
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I have not been on this site since my earlier posts. i reread most and wish to thank everyone for their kind words. I went to counseling for a week but it didn't seem to help. We suppose to follow up with specialists but lost my will to try. It has been several weeks. I am the planning type person and have to have everything in order.... that is what I have been doing for the last month. I do not wish to rehash all of my fears and sadness and depression. I am still at the point where I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. My biggest fear is I know if the weather starts to turn warm and it's time to get the boar ready for the summer I will break down horrifically as I know I will not have her by my side. I am still fighting thought. You guys are really genuine with your kind words..... I never would have guessed a bunch of fisherman could be so compassionate. I thought I'd ad a pick of Lori landing a Blue trolling using a school bus I believe. Boy was she happy that day. We had 300 yards out of 60# braid on the Talicas and when he hit he leaped out of the water immediately. I wish I could go back and do that again.... I had so many big plans for this year at the Cape. I got to know lots of shoals and fishing spots, all in the GPS now, was going to head to Race Point for the first time and a host of others... I need to find a fishing partner otherwise my sadness and depression will get the best of me.

take it one day at a time, you now have another angel watching over you. cherish your time here knowing someday you will be together again.

Brace yourself for a Cheesy saying, but here it goes. "When you are going through hell, don't take a seat.. Keep going".

You will come out the other side, just give it some time.
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I can HONESTLY say that if I DEFINITELY knew that I would see her again someday, somehow I would snap out of this severe depression and sadness and my life would be back to normal. It's just the horrifying thought that that i will never talk to or touch that one in a billion girl ever again.

My family has you in our thoughts and prayers from when you first posted,my deepest thoughts go out to you,but you must keep in mind that we are all here for you,along with your lost one.

She is with you every day and night, she would want you to be strong for her kids set the benchmark for them teach them how to be as tuff as nails.
Focus on them and see your girl through there eyes,this will be your salvation.

Be a rock make things happen yet once again, life is short and death is eternal.
You will be with her again but until then make her happy and be strong,she would want you to hit those new spots and land that unspeakable cow.

I wish you well bud,I will cosistantly pray for you and her daughters.

5/0
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6 years ago my sons mom gave me the boot and I was devastated. I thought I would never find someone as cool and as good a match for me as her. Then one day out of the blue I met a girl that took my breath away. Only problem was she was from Colorado. I visited her out there a few times and vice versa and she ended up moving here. My point is never give up. You only live once and to find happiness you have to move on when the time is right.
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In August, God took back his angel from me. He has bigger plans for her I'm sure. She was connected to my soul over 42 years, never to be replaced. I do feel her presence around me and take great comfort in that.
The pain is real, but so is the healing. Be her strength now. Souls that special always find each other again.
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Fish Raptor, you mentioned you still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It takes so long to finally see it, but it will come. That's the hard part, waiting.
From my own experiences it will break a little at a time. It's like climbing stairs,
rest at each step and if you slip back one it's ok, it will make you stronger as you climb.

You are doing the very best thing by getting professional help,
don't give up on it, keep going back no matter what. You are a STRONG person for seeking it.
There are times we have to live 1 minute at a time with that dread feeling, but you will get through it.
You have a lot of people who sincerely care about you, as evidenced by this web site.
Take strength from that and know at the end of your suffering you will be able to help others
through their trials because of your new found wisdom and empathy.
We are all in this life together.
God Bless you,as he will, and hold on no matter what.

Hopefully you can be helped from Dave's wisdom. He is such an insightful person. Godspeed

You need to think things a bit differently
like ...the best chapter thus far has come to an END
not your Life.
The story goes on...there's more to be written!
Time heals all wounds. You mentioned needing a new fishing Partner.
Well you carry lori in your Heart with you when fishing.
There are Other People that depend on you to be there for them
as they NEED you to be strong and to celebrate her Life as
you Knew it to be.

Just another reason why she was so special. Lori and I always had a standing joke between the two of us. Anytime she ask me to do a chore or favor for her my reply was always "sure..... for a quarter"...

So for my birthday she bought me a nice quality Fishing creel. When I unwrapped it she said "open it".... I ????? I didn't know what she was talking about...open it ??

She flipped up the fish that is hinged to the top and it opened up a Piggy bank slot. She said now you have a spot for all those quarters. She also gave me 3 fishing books she bought at the Cape. She knew exactly what to get to make me happy. I told her that the Fishing Creel bank was the nicest gift I had every received in my life and I meant it.

On the Christmas before I opened up a box which had an 8 1/4" GRS Big Water trolling Pike lure. These are all hand made and pretty expensive. She new the two colors that I already had so she got me a different color. It's get better..... She knows that I have a thing about having "two" of everything. One to use and one to put safely away should I loose the first one......so she bought me two. Do you believe it. That is just one tiny example of why she was so special. The GRS will never see water as it has to much sentimental value and I would be terrified of loosing it, but the idea of catching that big cow could also have special meaning. Attachment 62406

Attachment 62407

the more examples you remember of Lori's generosity and special thoughtfulness
the warmer you'll feel . those were very nice gifts for sure.