Here's a few of my fav's:

"he's about as sharp as a bag of wet mice"
"He's like a one armed man in a slap fight"
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy"

I like to sling these kind of "pearls of wisdom" around when someone needs a reality slap. If I can make the person look at me and say "What the heck are you talking about?" then I'm successful.

If a cat has kittens in the oven do ya call em biscuts
Finest kind
Hard saying not knowing
Ayup

Ya, and no more Orleans to Hyannis in under 12. :doh: :hihi:

For the love of Mike
Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Barney Mitchell:huh:
Go sh*t in your hat

My late Grandmother (God rest her soul) had a few beauties.

1-Throw the baby down the stairs a hat

2-Did you see that carlaid or loadies? (carload of ladies)

3-I asked her one day: Gram, where are the cookies? She replied in the upper left, right hand corner.

Dad: I helped put you on this Earth and I can damn sure help take you off.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other

My 85 year old mother still says to this day,"Six of one, a half dozen of another." when comparing to things that are equal. I say it now to my daughters but it comes out the way she said it to me, which sounde like one big fast word. Sixofone,ahalfdozenofanother. One of the girls,14, can't repeat it with out screwing it up, no matter how hard she tries.

When some thing wasn't going your way it was,"Take it with agrain of salt." Someone who was down and out was always "a poor old slob" When she found a small bag of pot in my schoolbag she told me," You're brain is a fried egg." If you came home with a few too many in you, slurring your words, she would say that you had '"a thick tounge"

Grandma who was from Nova Scotia would always describe anything she didn't like as ugly as a bucket of eels. Too bad she is long gone as she had many back woods sayings that i can't for the life of me remember anymore. I'll have to ask my mom if she remembers any of em.

Trust me P., when ya get older you'll remember every one of them and you'll realize how much truth was and is in them. :hihi:

Couple more:

When a young stud was full of himself and thought he knew all the answers--

"He's full of pi$$ and vinegar, now he's running, but soon he'll be walking."

Another one similar --

"Hire a teenager while he still knows all the answers."

Heard one the other night that made me chuckle..

"He was all over it like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich" :hihi:

Button everything down on Labor day
 

ANd guess who didn't...:doh:

Killer Thread,,,,,,,,,just foundit today!

I grew up in Oklahoma, so we had simialr expressions for the same Life situations, only worded differently, waaaaaay differently!!

here's some from my Dad (Marine, small town cop):
~~about fighting,,,,,,,,,,
"Don't start sumthin, ya can't finish!"
"That boy's mouth is writtin' checks his body can't cash!"
~~things to say to a prospective opponent,,,,,,,,,,
"I'll slapp the dog snott right outta YOU!"
"I'll slapp a hair-lip on you big enuff to comb!"
"I'll go thru you,,,,like crap through a GOOSE!"
~~to us when we were pushing his patience level,,,,,,,,,,
"Keep that up and I'll beat you like you stole somethin'!"
"I'll stomp a mud-hole in yer azzz, boy!"
"I'll drop you like a baaaaad HABIT!"
"I'll go thru you,,,,like Grant took Richmond!"
"Don't MAKE me come over there,,,,,,"

my Mom only had one about fighting:

"Don't you start it, but you can damn sure FINISH it!"

my ALL time favorite from my Dad was to me and my brother who were 13 mths apart in age. and we were brutal to each other growing up, but don't ever mess with either one of us, either.

anyways, outside of his usuall "I'll pull this car over right now and give you both a whoopin that you'll NEVER forget" and my Mom's "I've got eyes in the back of my head and I can SEE everything you two are doing!"(rearview mirror)

my favorite from my Dad to us was,
"You two boys would FIGHT about the TIME OF DAAAAY!" that one seemed to always put the brakes on us.

suppertime
 

"Nobody's getting up from this table until their plates are cleaned"

"There are children your AGE, right now, STARVING in Africa!!"

"If you don't eat yer greens, you won't have muscles like these!"

"Your momma has slaved in this HOT kitchen all day to make you this meal, boys,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so you better eat everyting on yer plate!"

my mom, when we expressed our appreciation for anything as kids(good food, polished shoes, clean clothes, clean room) or to our questions of how did you do THAT Mom?

she would always reply with, "I learned how to do that in the Corps/Navy/Army/Air Force"

when caught doing something "brilliant"
 

Mom,,,,,,,,,,
"If Johnny jumped off of the Empire State Building/leaped into the Grand Canyon/stepped in front of a freight train/pissed into the wind, then would you do it to follow suit?"

"Well! You don't live at Johnny's house, and your name is NOT Johnny Uptonogood. Your name is..............and you ARE still my son and as long as you are living under THIS roof you WILL............."

Stepfather (about as Okie as they come)
"You wouldn't know your azzzz from a hole in the ground!"
"If your azzz wasn't attached you'd forget where THAT is, too!"
"It's a good thing that yer head is screwed on, because if it wasn't you'd take it off and play with it!"
"That stunt makes you just about dumber than a box of rocks!"
"What in tarnation were you thinking?"
"Think before you speak, don't let your mouth overload your brain!"
"You wake up in a different world everyday, don't ya boy?"
"You'd eff up a wet dream!"
"How much is it gonna cost me THIS time?"

Okie expressions in general
 

sheet fire and save the matches,

sheet, or git off the pot,

he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a handful of gravel,

he couldn't hit a bull in the azzzz with a bass fiddle,

they don't have a pot to piss in or a winder to throw it out of,

slow as molasses in the winter time,

quicker than greased lightning,

smart as a whip,

purty as a pig in a poke,

ten foot tall and bulletproof,

as full of sheet as a Christmas turkey,

talkin' to her is like trying to rope the wind,

he's about as lost as a fart in a tornado,

dangit boy! sumthin' must a crawled up in you and died!!,

i am plum, tuckered out,

labor conquers all,

if you make yer bed ~~you gotta lie in it,

never shat in yer own backyard,

don't make a liar out of yerself, cuz you ain't foolin' anyone else!,

only women and dogs get mad,

~~~in the pursuit of Love~~~

18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy! if they cain't walk, DRAG 'em!!,

that boy would eff a rattler ~if somebody would hold it's head,

you got no chance, she'd throw rocks at you!,

will ya look at the shiiiiiitter on that critter?,

if i had a swing like THAT, i'd never leave the back porch,

she's not that big,,,,,,,,,,i LIKE a little meat w/ my pahtaytees!,

she's a little skinny,,,,,,,,,,,i'd be afraid i'd break that in 1/2!,

them's breeder hips!, it's cheaper to keep her!,

that's the kinda gal you take home to meet momma,

she sure has pretty TEETH, and i want them BOTH,

i said "I do" ~she said "YOU better!",

My dad had a few, " In due time", that meant wait or forget about it.
I was told many times, when younger, " I'm gonna lean on ya". And he did a few times. :bl:
And when one of the kids did a good job, " an apple doesn't fall too far from it's tree".

Ya JZ, my Dad used to say, "We'll see", which meant the same thing. :hihi:

we'd ask every night...
 

it became a family tradition...

what's for desert?

the ole DAD would always say....

Royal Supreme !

what 's for dinner was said to be hummingbirds tongue on toast.

another
I have seen more meat on a sparrows kneecap

When a woman was angry:

"She was madder than a wet Hen."

When a guy was speeding:

He was going like a Bat outa Hell.

When a guy had a 6th sense of where the cops had a speed trap:

He's got "The Tingle.: :hihi: :D

2 out of 3 ain't bad....

do that again and i'll make you sorry

Your ahead of me, waaay ahead of me. :D

Pops was a grave digger and his saying was "I'll be the last one to let ya down". With mom it was " I getting that cat of nine tails ", you knew it was feet do your duty time!----LOUIE

I remember another one my mom would say to me," You will never get an ulcer because you are a carrier!"-----LOUIE

" What did you expect would happen! "----LOUIE

When a guy was really mad they'd say, "He's hot under the collar".

What's for desert?? "Snow puddin".

hair cut ;

got your ears lowered ;;


but somethings are the same >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I,ll kick your F #$%^&*() ass ;;:soon:

You can't fix stupid....

My all time favorite is: " What the hell is wrong with you, son!?"

:rotflmao: Oh man Fred, how many times did i hear that one. :D