ladies!
 

This topic doesn't get much discussion but I could use a little help with it. I have definately pushed it with my gf a little this season. She hasn't been to happy with the amount I've fished lately and after 3 years we are definately closed to a turning point in our relationship.

Hoping some of you could share some best practices and maybe even some regrets in regards to how you balance fishing with your relationships.

Not looking for anything too personal. Just some ideas. I'd be particularly curious to know how some of you guys that get close to 100 nights a year pull it off.

-Luds

damn, i thought this was the start of a new hottie thread

Mike it is give and take, I promise to do what ever she needs and she lets me do what I want, (to a point) we go thru the crying game from time to time but she gets over it. she knows what makes me happy and less grumpy. Remember talk it out and make sure you listen to her and try to understand what she feels about it but also remind her your not in a bar or a crack house and it could be alot worse

Wear the pants in your house. lol :lm:

I have been with my wife for 4 years now, 2 of them married. We have an 8 month old daughter. I sit down with her in the spring and show her on the calendar when I'll be fishing. I skip the spring schoolies, and slack off in the summer doldrums, and no winter twinkie holdovers. But when there is a good chance at a hog in the spring and the fall, and there is a good tide she knows I will be fishing. I don't fish 100 nights anymore. Probably more like 50, but I know that my chances at a good fish during those nights is best.

When I get home, if the night sucked or I am dead tired, I don't show it. I am happy to be home, and I let her know that I had a great time fishing.

As my career and other responsibilities have grown, I have come to appreciate my time with my family and my fishing time more. I think I used to just take it all for granted.

Ya really want me to start ><><><????:topic:

tell her "nothing brings us closer together than time apart"

if she buys that, have her give my wife a call and talk her into it. :bl2:

:lurk:

if she does'nt have a hobby- get her one.

stay at home til she hits the hay...with my wife it was 9.30...then I was off like a shot.....then be home before she wake's up... but you better make sure your smellin like fish if she's get's up before you get home.

workin on it.

I have two little ones 3 and 8mo. Since our second one is so young I have really taken it easy this year. My wife knows how much fishing means to me and is very supportive. I know what she needs and I support that. What I do is just give her a heads up. If I want to go on Sunday I let her know ahead of time so she is aware.
But to go to places like MV for a week, bribes work well. This year she got a new care with a little help. 2 day trips cost a haircut or a day to herself.

Our only problem is she loves to be out there with me. She loves the leggs and the get togethers. We need to come to a compramise of what we can do together and separate.

My wife usually lets me go whenever I want for the most part from May 1st until Oct. 31st (she actually talked me into that 2nd Cutty weekend). After that I pretty much give her the same courtesy and hang the gear up from Nov. 1st through Apr. 30th....that way I get 6 months and she gets 6 months. seems to work out OK.

But anthing involving the Kids always takes precedence (i.e. Scouts, Dance)

Another trick is to pick a few nights that really aren't conducive to fishing and then SAY that you ARE going fishing......Then, when the day gets here, make like you are gonna skip fishing to spend some time with her, you know, let her know that your thinking of her. :hee:

Have you tried to get her to go fishing with you?

i just say it could be worse.... i could have a strip club hobby! :)

no, in all serisousness thats what she says to me. she realizes fishing is a relativly harmless pass time so i get to do it without too much grief.

Have her call me...... It took me losing house, retirement, changing career, all due to divorce to find striper fishing as my solice.... but I am not in my 20's anymore either Mike. I'll be 50 next year, so I am becoming selfish. You will have to give up almost complete seasons when kids, etc first show up. Assure yourself, and her, you will pay those dues... but right now it's the fall run, so we can talk about this later? Cause I gotta go fish!:jester:

Dude, it also helps to decide to live in a town you would fish on a daily basis. I can have a line wet in five minutes, literally. Unbelievable advantage.

When I met Angie, my fiance', I had been fishing pretty hard for about 2 years and was a full blown addict. I had been through a divorce already and learned 1 important thing from it......that life is short and if you cannot enjoy the things that you are passionate about and the person you are with cannot be supportive of that.....then they are not the one for you. That is not to say that you just go fishing and say to your wife/girlfriend..."screw you I am going whether you like it or not"! As others have said it is give and take. I told Angie one thing when I met her...."I Fish"! "I fish alot and when I want and when it gets to a point where my going fishing is not fun anymore because she is making me miserable about going.....one or the other will be gone and it will never be fishing"! That is a true story and Angie has been wonderful about supporting me in what I love to do. She had never fished a day in her life before she met me and she now loves fishing for anything....she has a 10 pound largemouth to her credit, a 21 pound striper from the surf on a pencil popper that she won Womens Top Surf Division honors with in our fishing club, she has fished at night a few times and yes...even slung eels a few times.....she really enjoys going fishing when ever she can. Try to get your wife/girlfriend involved and if that does not happen then as others have said....it is a give and take. I have been fishing my butt off lately (and all season) and the week after next I am taking Angie away to New Hampshire to a nice Inn that is five stars and the trip is all about her.....fancy dinners and shopping and just basically making her feel good and special....which she is! We do this trip spring and fall and I always spoil Angie rotten and make her feel special and that she matters and that I am supportive of her in what her interests are. We will only be gone 3 nights (good fishing nights by the way) but I will be fishing my a$$ off all this week and when we get back!!!:tooth:

Bottom line is...you are dead a long time! You must enjoy life to the fullest while you can! Try to make compromises when ever possible but if that does not work and you can't find equal ground.....find yourself a "Fishchick" like mine!!:kewl:

My wife's father,brother and uncle are or were fishermen. Hard core. She understands....

God Bless You....

I make plans based on her plans and then end up in the dog house because she changed her plans. I have one small and two mediums, so the mediums go with me now when they can. I'm bad at putting myself last, so there isn't much time to fish.

Try to hit a middle somewhere, but chances are if you post here fish control your brain....

L-48


ya keep fishing hard /& she,ll find her own hobby & it won,t be with your [rod] :hs:

Here's a thought, if you ask her to marry you, you will have all the time you need she will be so busy planning the wedding she even know your not there.

Geeze, Bob, the money for a wedding would buy a heck of a lot of gear! JustKidding, relationships aren't easy.

I've taken her out a couple times. She enjoys it but doesn't love it.

nice one. :lasso:

I bet ya GF stops fishing w/ you after you get married, Mike/luds48. ;)

My wife us to fish w/ me a little, but hardly ever wants to go - especially late at nite. :( Now my older sister use to do all kinds of sports & fish w/ her boyfriend and after they got married she stopped doing all those things. It is a pattern!

Your GF needs to understand that it is your way of relaxing/meditation and that she had to accept it. If she can't then you have to decide what is more important.

My wife knew upfront that I liked to do a lot of outdoor activities before we were married and never gave me gried about going out. She had her own hobbies as well. :) Now over time (more aging of body) I don't do a lot of things now just because I kind of grew out of them. When we were married w/out a child it was a lot easier to skip having dinner together so I could go play tennis, hunt or fish. Once you have kids it chances everything! Kids require a lot of your time whether you like it or not. :(

Now a days, I rather get some sleep than pound the sand. Sometimes I just don't get motived to go out on my own - at least if I am heading out with some one else then I know I will go out and not sleep in. :)

Life = it is ALL about balance!

I'm at or very close to being 200 + nights a year:

http://www.tiffany.com/International.aspx



:humpty:

:rotf3:

I brought my wife home a sand dollar today so I am good to the end of the season.

bingo.

Set one night as "your night to go fishing" each week. That's 1. then be flexible and when there appears to be nothing on the homefront or she has something planned , ask her about going. that's 2 nights a week. then just sneak out one day per week. that's 3 days a week , only one of which she should be pissed about and that's a 67% improvement. What the heck , 67% improvement should please any reasonable woman. :)

There in lies the problem.....That's an Oxymoron if ever I heard one.

I've negotiated clearance for 3 nights each week. 2 week nights and one weekend. She also understands if there seem to be big fish around in good numbers that I might get out another night or two. The reverse is true too. If she's got stuff she wants to do then I may have to sacrifice some nights.

dont forget to remind her that the season is almost over- then she can have you all winter.

You mean, "I can't wait for the winter so we can spend more time together".:love:

I set one day each weekend to spend with her, regardless of how good the fishing is. If the calls are coming in fast and thick with reports that indicate it's better than usual she relents and let's me go.

Like Capesams, I go after she is tucked away for the night. I always said the best thing about being a striper fishinerman is that most often it's better in the wee hours of darkness. So it works.

She understands, to a point, my addiction. Marriage is a two way street. If it's all one way, for one or the other, it's doomed. Some guys I know do get thier way more than their spouse but those women are weak in my eyes and though they are my friends, I sometimes feel they have a childish attitude and really don't appreciate how good a mate they have. Some women have the old world attitude towards their man which translates into them keeping their mouth shut and getting walked all over. I could not live with a women who does not and will not speak her mind when she wants to for fear it will upset the balance ( or lack of in most cases) in the home. That is stupid way to live.

I actually enjoy doing things with my wife except the mall gig and waiting while she shops but she knows this and would rather go alone anyways as she feels I am getting impatient most times.

Sometimes I over do it and get called in on the carpet and wish I copuld fish all the time like some of the supposed heavy hitters. But if you look deeply into it most of those guys live lonely lives and have taken to drugs or alcohol to make up for the times when they are off the boat or beach and there is no one to care for you or for you to care for, no calls to make sure your alright if a little late or come home to a warm house.

My wife doesn't fish. Has no interest in it. That's okay because I need time with my friends and she understands that. She knows where I am and what I am doing and knows it's better than a lot of other options. On our Honeymoon we came to the Cape for three weeks, during the middle of the second week I left her at the rented cottage and hit the beach overnight. When I arrived back the morning she was there cooking breakfast for me, I knew she was a keeper then.

[QUOTE=Flaptail;424865] I could not live with a women who does not and will not speak her mind when she wants to for fear it will upset the balance ( or lack of in most cases) in the home. [QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more with that comment. I was hoping I would get some creative ideas out of this thread but it's really just confirmed that I need to do a better job of focusing on making her happy. She pretty supportive as it is.

I'm starting to realize that buying her something rather another 5 or so plugs can go a long way. Only child habits are difficult to break.:smash:

What capesams said..
I fish nights almost exclusivly.. much easier on things when she is asleep..

Balance is the key. While my hubby will go fishing with me its not HIS hobby of choice, he'd rather be hunting. So I cherish the times we go fishing together. If I want to go and he doesnt....he has no problem with that and the favor is repaid to him come hunting season. But of course this can only work if neither side "pushes the limits" either. I guess I am lucky since we enjoy spending time with each other too.

Flap // AMEN,AMEN

I had the best of both worlds / On our very first [date] I took her fishing .. she was a keeper forever ;;

& she could fish with the best of them // until we had kids / she was my partner all the way around // it was great having both fish checks going into the same account ;;

SOOOOOOOOOoo / she really understood my addiction ////

& she had balls & when I pushed waaaaaaaaaay past the limit // she blasted me ;;

I,m thankful that I mellowed on the fishing quite awhile ago ==== soooooo I had a 2nd chance to see much more in life / & spend alot more time with the family [especially] her ;;;
I regret more than anything in life /the time I spent on the hunt // the worse thing that could ever happen -------- did ------------------ selling F #$%^&*( fish // all kinds /not just bass // & have too many [Big ] paydays ;;;;

I,m glad I had the good times I did /there would have been many more if I wasn,t blinded by the bass ;;;

I,m so sorry for what I did to her / but at least she knew it before the end ;;;

Guys / don,t be stupid .>>>> there is a whole lot more in life than you, yourself & the striper ;;;

If all the guys that read these post /including the lurkers /
would raise there hand & honestly say what it will do or did to their marriages /I bet it would fill pages ;;;;;

better late than never .........>>>>>>>> sometimes :read:

Clammer, half probably dont think/realize what its doing to their marriages and some probably dont care

Sometimes its really sad to read what some people will say about their wives here. The worst part is that we CHOOSE our partners or at least choose to stay in a relationship with them so somewhere somebody is kidding themselves. Guys (or girls)if fishing is more important to you than your spouse than you should probably call off the relationship and do THEM a favor so they can find someone that does care for them. ......Oh yeah and that means you can fish whenever you want.