irish jokes
 

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional
booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times
to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the
Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't
no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning
service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed
away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did
he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..
" The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?
" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm
sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout
and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. "Did he at
least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home
from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving
violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where
have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to
drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his
arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife
fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf,"

An Irish guy walked past a bar..

Did you hear the one about the queer Irishman?


He was spotted early one night leaving the bar with a woman.

Hey I'm Irish...I dont like these ethnic jokes....:rolleyes: :laughs: I'M ONLY KIDDING.......Carry on and keep them coming...:D

Mrs maloney was at home wating for her husband to come home from work at the Jamison's Whiskey Plant in Doublin... She gets a knock on teh door and its the chief of police and the owner of Jamisons...........
It went down like this-

Mrs maloney- "can i help you???"

Chief of poice- "Mrs Maloney, there was a horrible accident at the plant today, your husband fell into the Vats and drowned-"

Mrs maloney- "oh my guiness!!!! thats horrible!!"

Jamison's owner- " Dont worry Mrs Malony, He put up a vallient fight and fought back several plant workers before he drowned.. "
:laughs:

ST patties day
 

You know why the portuguese from New Bedford went to Southie on St Patties day? They heard the Irish were blowing greenhorns!

What's the last thing a good Irishman does before going to sleep at night?
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
..
..
.... He fluffs the curb:D

Re: ST patties day
 

Toooooo funny

@#$%^&@#$%^&#$%^&*:laughs: