Teenagers ... what happened?
 

I believe Spence ran a thred on this a while back, but I need to vent myself ... so we have two teenagers in the house - 16 year old girl and 19 year old boy ... kids from Julie's first marraige ...they're both pretty good with our two-year old daughter, but it pretty much stops there ...

... I don't where these kids were raised or what they are thinking or not thinking about ... they're messy, never pick anything up unless you ride them about it, leave crap all over the place, excessively wasteful ... here's another example, Julie and I got home from a vacation last week ... it had snowed while we were away, the 19 yr old boy, who moved in with us from his father's in Illinois last summer did not do any shoveling (he's lived in snow during the winter for his entire life), and he did not take the garbage down the curb so we missed the pickup for that week by one day ... the sidewalk became a sheet of ice over an inch thick ...

... so I say to him ... "Boy, I do me a favor and be a little proactive on projects around the house, especially when your mother and I are away ... for instance, if it snows, get the shovel and clear the sidewalk, etc., and on trash day, take the trash out if we are not here and if you see the garbage cans on the sidewalk after they are emptied, please bring them up"

... his response was ... "I didn't know we had a shovel, and what day is trash day?" first of all, what the heck is he thinking, who doesn't have a snow shovel, did he bother looking for one in the basement? No, and as for trash day, there have been about a dozen times when he helped me take the trash down to the curb ... and the funny thing is it is always on the same day of the week, funny huh?

So, I can't be too caustic and obnoxious about it as I don't want to hurt Julie's feelings, but her kids are lazy pieces of garbage ... I'm ready to kick the 19 year old out ... the things asked of him are easy and pretty mindless ...

... am I expecting too much? He lives here rent free and doesn't have to pay for food ... his life is pretty damn easy right now ... spent the entire summer living off of Julie and I, mostly me ... but I don't want to be too hard on him as he is only a kid ... is that too soft?

What are you, Foghorn Leghorn? :laugha:

-spence

don't feed them

I know what you mean Andy...and no...you are not asking too much! 19 years old....he needs to start understanding that things don't take care of themselves! (He actually should have known that by now) Is he going to school or working full time? Kids today are lazy and spoiled! As the generations have progressed it seems to me things have gotten too easy for folks! My Dad was a depression baby....and we heard all the stories of how it was for him growing up....so we had an understanding of how things were to be done and we should consider ourselves fortunate! Also....my Dad was a great role model...he worked 3 jobs year round....1 full time and 4 part time jobs that rotated with the seasons.....but he was always working 15 hour days! Summer he was working 18 hour days! He worked hard for us and we appreciated it by doing our part! There in lies your problem....kids don't get it today! Everything is handed to them with no expectation of carrying their weight! Ride him like a prize pony Andy until he smartens up!

well true enough about riding him
 

but the whole "teach a man to fish"
proverb comes to mind.

you could ride his ass until he freaks out...
and moves in with some wacko party animals
that get him into VERY serious trouble....
and he ends up back home under house arrest. :yak:

or...

you could do well to point out to him....(and yourself BTW )
that he's no longer a kid... and it's high time
to face up to some personal responsibility
... and do the right thing.

"kids" his age are being sniped off in IRAQ in nasty land.

his glass appears to be half empty... (in my "minds eye" view)
as he justifies
his not doing something with lame excuses
like " i didn't even know we had one.... "

he is not realizing the awesome opportunity he has
right now at that age feeling empowered to do or
become almost anything you want to be...

he must be considered to be a YOUNG MAN instead.
and he needs the ole...Ranger Walker pep talk
about
Life is a serious of choices
that you have to make...
and it's a good idea to make the right ones

Everything can be considered an Opportunity
or it can be SH|t canned into excuse land. :hs:

ok... i'll quit riding ya... :musc:

Bring him to the recruiting office, immediately.

I had a slew of responsibilities by the time I was 10... Its like a dog, if you don't train em young its much harder when they get older.

I was never ever allowed to sit around and watch while my father was working... ever

It's a fine line ... but definitely not easy ... appreciate all of your insight ... but at this age (19), should I expect to serve as a role model for him? I try to lend him support from a business/career point of view, work with him on ideas, but again, I am not going to force it on him, if he wants my opinion, I will let him ask for it ...

He doesn't get too involved in family matters/events, but complains about not enough family events ... we do what we do and offer him the opportunity to join us ... he only speaks with his mother ... a good example is that he told his mother that he wanted to go fishing last summer ... at a time when I was transferring completely to the surf ... offered him a trip once or twice, but he never really took me up on it ... I am not going to wait to go at 1 or 2 a.m. for him to stop partying ... on that front he has to be more proactive and fit to my schedule ... no? ... if he is nervous, it's time for him to buck up and ask me directly ... or accept what I have to offer and be quiet if he cannot comply ...

... and Larry he is working, and fortunately that is on the upswing - 20 hrs a week or so, with lots of down time ... last week he started a second job ... selling cable in the local communities as his friend is doing quite well at it, and he works on his friend's crew ...

excellent point Sluggo Slinger
 

(you going to PlugFEST? ) btw?

my philosophy with dogs is this...
and i am known for how obedient my dogs are.
(its a snap fingers situation )

anyways... whatever you "let" a dog do...

and we're not talking doggy doo shhh

whatever you "let a dog do"

becomes a habbit....
because nobody never said they couldn't...

i watch my dog like a hawk...
and the second she gets that notion
to do the wrong thing....
you can tell if you watchem close enough
when they decide...
ya let out a "hey" so lazered at them
they feel it... eye contact is the KEY
anything that doesnt look at you
cant be taught ANYTHING !!!

i taught my cockatoo parrot to live
outside at my residence during the day
at dusk i snap my fingers and the bird
flies down to my arm like a falconer does it.

alls it takes
is eye contact.... and allot of determination.:btu:

Newsflash...19 is not a Kid. Tell that to the 19 year olds overseas right now. When I was 19 I was in the Navy.

The reason they don't do anything is because they are allowed too. If he said he didn't know where the snow-shovel was I would have walked his ass down there and pointed it out to him.

Question when you got back and noticed the driveway wasn't shoveled, who ended up doing it. I would have had him out there chipping away at the now frozen solid snow. Lesson learned....do it when you are supposed to.

My son was out there this morning shoveling and my daughter was out there this morning shoveling, Why, Because no is not an option on that and they know that when I get home tonight I had better be able to get into the driveway or they would be out there doing it then.

When I was a kid we lived upstairs from my Grand-parents....God Help Me if My Grandfather was out there shoveling before me.

Tried that..Didn't work...:fishslap:

Raven - unfortunately I am going to VT on Friday ... Julie and our daughter Sydney (2 yrs) have been there all week as Julie's eldest daughter just delivered a baby boy ... weird, she's a grandmother at 41 cusping on 42 ... and I want to be there to support Julie and my daughter as I have not seen her since Monday night ... this baby thing got in the way of the SWE and now plugfest ... only for a day, but the wrong day ...

Kevin - I agree with your philosophy - my father was the same way ... I need to be tougher on him ... his father is a career army man, don't understand how it did not rub off on his son ...

hey FIn >>>>>>

I,l F #$%^&*( baby sit >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> let them both spend a f $%^&*()(*&*( weekend in CLAMMER world >>>>>>>> & odds are you,ll be greeted differently ;:

No talorence [SP} no B/S >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>KTMFA,s :crying:

Outward Bound is more effective.

I like the Clammer method ... thanks for the offer ... :hihi:

Sort of a "Scared Straight" program

its called being rebellious. When your a teenager and your father is a strict person ( I assume he is ) then you go the opposite route . My father was a Ct state trooper and my best friends dad was a on the town force and between us we terrorized 3/4 of the neighbors . My brother was a cop , one cousin FBI agent , step brother a cop , 4 cousins are cops they always scratched their heads . Why ? rebllious !! not to mention Im a jerk .

You may also have the standard step son answer
"your not my father ".

good luck !

I was thinking more of a "Scared $hitless" program myself :shocked:

At any age you gota be firm with your kids or they're gonna walk all over you, it proably started along time ago before you came in the picture now you gota deal with it. People don't teach and don't set the example then they expect good things out of their kids. People are selfish without realising it. I know thats not always the case but it often is.
Think about how you picture yourself 5 or 10 years from now...are you gonna be still dealing with their major problems? Trying to set the stage now is far more difficult at that age, be as firm as you possibly can, make rules and stick to'um, no favors.

Good Luck it can be done.

Dr. Phil :rolleyes:

Thanks for the great insight ... we'll see what happens, but no Goose, I don't even want to deal with their problems now ...

a backhander does wonders.

adult - Take the trash out

kid - NO!

adult - SMACK - backhander dead on.

kid - WTF!

adult - Take the trash out!

kid - not speaking but taking trash out.


If that don't work Uncle Sam is a good option, you do learn to grow up right quick.


disclaimer - I in no way endorse or condone child abuse but like to make demented minds laugh.

Make sure he goes to the Plum Island gig.


let me and #^&#^&#^&#^& have a half hour with him

It's not child abuse its@#$%^&*(ing PARENT abuse these days #$%^&*(///////

19 is not a kid. hes an adult. don't coddle him

KIDS
 

They are what we make em! I surmise Fin he is with you and Julie because he wore out his welcome elsehere. The less work he does the less he gets in return.

Let's see -- You would like to really be the boss with the boy-kids. BUT they are the wifes kids and they will often remind you that they don't have to listen to you. You don't come down on them because they are your wifes children and you don't want to piss her off?? I bet you didn't legally adopt them either.
Sometimes it isn't easy to get tough with him because you not only have to listen to his crap, but will have a problem with the old lady also. I think I have witnessed this problem before. Sounds just like my sons situation.
I had an incident on the race with my son's wifes son. We had a tire spin off the rim and when jacking the rig and getting ready to change the tire, I asked the boy to grab the shovel and start digging the sand away from the tire. He mumbled something and started to walk away..I grabbed him by the back of the neck and put the shovel in his hand telling him to dig or face the music. He dug, and his mother was pissed. Don't forget that you don't get between the tiger and her cub! I feel for ya guy.:lossinit:

G/F

WTF >>>>>>>>>>> After he dug ya shudda thrown his F$%& lazY ass in the water ;;


Damn /I,m seeing this all the F #$%^&*( time >>>>>>> I,d do time before my kids /any kids / showed disrespect to me or anyone else / when I,m around ;;

last year there was a kid in the mall /I guess 14//15 ==swearing all over the place // It looked like it was probably his grandmother // F %^&* This & F#$%^& that >><>< M>F<ER

I slapped him topside his round shaved head // threw against the F #$%^&* wall & stepped on his fu#$%^&*( hands when he went down ;;;
the woman was shocked /but knew he deserved it // never said a thing ....but I could see in her eyes /that,s exactly what she wanted to do ><>><><:whackin:

I use to take them for one way rides >>>> it f #$%^&* worked every F $#%^&* time ... Now I watch //over & over // the kids rule the parents >>>>>>>>>>Shame on them for the most part ><>< Less work /less toys & a stiff backhand & a solid punisment +++++++++++++ EQUALS // Better parents //better kids .,.,.,

I, bet I,d make alot more money if I started {{A GET YA %$%$%$%$ TOGETHER} camp ><><><><
Just not sure if it would be for the kids // the parents // or both ><><><><:love:

i know what ya mean Clammer

you watch enough of it....

and then you snap because ...they are soooo

undisciplined and bad mannered that it makes

ya do something spontaneous ......

good for you .... old Salt :)

I got a story for you.

My son switched Boy Scout Troops this season (he wanted to be with his 2 best friends). Went from one that was well run into one that was in total disarray. I would go to the meetings and watch these kids doing anything they wanted and very rarely was it scout related.

I couldn't take it anymore so I became an Assistant Scout Master with the Troop. I figured I wasn't just gonna biatch about it I would do something about it.

Now there are 2 things that drive me crazy when the kids wear their uniforms, one is having their shirts hanging out and the other is wearing the "Homey" hats, all tilted to the side.

Well the 1st meeting where I'm now an officail Leader this kid shows up with his Shirt Hanging Out. I go up to him and say "Can you please tuck in your shirt" he says "No"

So I say "I Said Tuck in your Shirt"......he says "No".

I say "We can sit here and do this all night, I got the Time, Now Tuck in your Shirt" So he says "OK" and finally tucks it in.

This same scenario goes on for the Next 3 weeks....almost word for word.

This week the Kid shows up.....and his shirt is tucked in. I call him over, shake his hand and Say "ThankYou, I appreciate that you tucked your shirt in." He smiled and off he went for the night...and his shirt stayed tucked in all night.


Moral of the Story....Sometimes you got to stick to your guns for an extended period of time....but in the end it pays off

Ages 6-8 is when household chores and academic expectations should be established.....
Catholic School - it's been worth every penny

If he's 19, not in school and living at home he ought to be expected to contribute to the household. I don't think his contributing something toward room and board is asking too much, neither is giving him a few chores or a home improvement project now and again. It doesn't have to be much, but so he gets the idea that life isn't free. He especially ought to be encouraged to get a job to pay his "rent". Let him start doing his own laundry, fill the gas tank in the car. In small ways I think you can put him on track by having him do things he'd likely do if he was on his own. Most of all I think you have to establish a united front with your wife. If you go about making rules and forcing major change without her buy in you might not get anywhere with him. I don't know that tough love is the way before you've exhausted the effort to simply get him to establish some goals and let him know your expectations of him.