Boat Rules.
 

Couple of guys from work THINK they want to go fishing with me. Figured they needed to know the rules up front. :rotflmao:

1. The captain’s word is law.
2. When in doubt see item 1.
3. You will do WHAT you are told to do, HOW you are told to do it, WHEN you are told to do it. (See item 1)
4. The Captain reserves the right to invoke Maritime law when he deems it necessary. (See item 1)
5. Be at the dock ON TIME. ON TIME is defined as 5 min early. If you are late you WILL be left behind. Your presence on the boat provides no value to me.
6. Do NOT “help” the captain if not asked to. You likely will just #^&#^&#^&#^& up whatever you are trying to do anyway.
7. Dress warm and in layers. There will be no spooning or cuddling if you get cold. You will likely also get wet. Deal with it.
8. You are advised to take two (2) meclizine tablets the night before the trip. If you get sea sick you will have a long uncomfortable day ahead of you. The boat WILL NOT return to dock because you are puking. In fact the chum will likely improve fishing for the rest of us.
9. The trip is over when the captain say’s it is over. There is no vote. There is no majority rule. See Item 1
10. There is NO bathroom on the boat. It is advised you use the facilities at the marina before departure. If the urge strikes while fishing, you are on your own. It’s a big ocean. Figure it out for yourself.
11. There are many sharp items on the boat (hooks/knifes/Captain’s wit). You may very well become injured. All injuries will be field dressed. The boat WILL NOT return to dock because you have a boo-boo.
12. If you are inclined to become thirsty/hungry over the period of 8 hours bring whatever you may need. I am NOT your momma.
13. Any and all fishing items (excluding tackle) are expected to be returned at the end of the day. If any items are lost during the day YOU will be help financially accountable. (i.e. don’t drop my #^&#^&#^&#^&ing #^&#^&#^&#^& in the water.)
14. There will be ABSOLUTELY no photographs taken of the captain. If in the unfortunate situation that this does occur you will be subject to a punch in the neck and the forfeiture of the offending electronic device. If ANY pictures are found on Facebook you WILL be subject to one throat punch for each offence.
15. There is a high degree of likelihood you will be mocked/humiliated/degraded during the day. Suck it up buttercup.
16. You will be responsible for cutting/hooking your own bait. I will provide guidance. I AM NOT YOUR MOMMA. If you have a philosophical/religious issue with killing a living thing for your own pleasure, you might consider a golf outing instead.
17. We hope you find your day a pleasurable one… but in all honesty I really don’t give a #^&#^&#^&#^&.

I always love this one...........after an hour out or so.........

Oh I have to back at the dock at 2 cause I have a DR. appointment.......

Is this post in someway a reflection of last Saturday >><><

I heard your boat got pulled today ><>

NEVER!

Couple guys from work whose hardiness is questionable.

I ho'd a ride last weekend and was late - doh
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Growing up on sailboats and for a time living on sailboats, I can say with certainty that the captain who thinks these “rules” are the way to go is usually the biggest douchebag on the water. The same guy who stands behind the wheel and shouts belittling commands at his wife who runs around the deck scared for when the next abusive remarks will come. Yet little does she know that her husband barely knows what he is doing.

A good captain goes with the flow and would take someone back to the dock if someone had an emergency of some sort.
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You DO realize it was all in good fun... DBag. :)

While there IS a tiny bit of truth to each rule it was a joke that many (including the two in question) found pretty funny.

Good God Lighten up Francis.

just be a good guest - pack light, leave all your #^&#^&#^&#^& at home, I have 5 of everything already and you prob wont bring the right stuff anyway. wear fishing boots not sneakers or work boots - they leave marks everywhere. be helpful - if not just get out of the way when launching or at the dock. take pills if ur a puker - no one else wants to come home early. were going fishing not drinking, if u want to get drunk go to a bar. communicate effectively - if you have a question ask it if u don't know. don't whine if its a slow day - some days are just slow. help out rookie anglers or guys learning a new way to fish. pay attention to everything. if ur bringing rods - 2 max. and coffee never hurts

sure.. its a joke, but there are people out there that act like this. :)

J ....
I got a a laugh out of the captains rules. All those things do happen...
Rule #3 is my favorite though
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" punch in the neck ". LOL
NEVER SEEN THIS b 4,,, thanks Joe , just what I needed, long day, LMAO soooo funny

Paul was LATE!.... Dan, I'm always on time, just saying...
Learned that one from Andy... ;-)

Dan waited for me, he used to be the employee of the month. We didn't get a lot of work done
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Ya, must of been tough trying to get work done with a rod in one hand..

But we killed alot of fish.
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I remember one time when this happened Slingah was with me.........The dentist appointment was quickly rescheduled after we finally got into steady 20=30 pound fish with a barrel of ponies......fun day.

I have one other rule on my boat:
No booze on the boat. You can drink your ^^%%# brains out once we are back on the dock but not while we are fishing

I just like to fish alone. Stealth mode.

Clammer,has one rule,never ever wash the boat.Kills the MoJo.

LMAO

That's not true denis....I've seen him standing in the corner hosing it down with something....doesn't seem like there's much pressure to his hose though, ....:lasso:

enough to give you a golden shower :shocked:

right there with ya...

I've left guy's at the dock for being late and for bringing booze...maybe that's why I fish alone..

There is a young guy that fishes with me a few times a year... a few years back he stopped at a strip club down the street from the marina...I had told him boat leaves the dock at 8:00.... I guess his lap dance lasted a few minutes too long.... he saw me heading down river as he was running down the dock... he called me to tell me he was at the dock... I told him next time be there before the boat leaves.. he's never been late again...

same rules , no smokes/ booze or drugs >>>>be on time unless you Denis ....he gets some free passes , for bagles, knots, directions , personality ><:fishin::fishin:

Funny story.

I have left my nephew more than one because he was late. Once, he called me to tell me he was on his way. I told him I was gone, headed for Providence. He drove to providence and I picked him up at India Point. He has never been late again.

that's what my old pappy used to call a teaching moment.

You should just make it a rule that you are not their momma.