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I am 56 years old and my wife is 53. I met my wife 34 years ago in college and we have been married for 29 years. Like your girlfriend she is my all everything, the smartest most driven person I have ever met and the center of my two daughters and my universe. In July 2014 she was diagnosed with stage 3 bile duct cancer. She had surgery to remove half her liver followed by 6 months of chemo followed by 2 months of radiation. She had one clean scan but three months after the radiation the cancer was back. She had three cycles of another chemo before it was determined it was not working. On October 30 of this year she decided to stop treatment enter Hospice and was given 2-3 months to live.
My world didn't go instantaneously dark like yours but it gets a little dimmer each day. I have spent the past six weeks reviewing wills, insurance policies, beneficiary forms, pre-planning a funeral and picking out our final resting place. We talk and laugh, we talk and cry and sometimes we just sit hold hands and say nothing at all. My most difficult times are at night when she is in bed, it's when I feel the most alone. I try to text family during that time, it helps. I don't think past the next day.
Your grief came upon you all at once and mine is building. So why do I write this? I have 20' Maritime Skiff that has sat for 2 years unused and like you I can't see a time when I will use and enjoy it again. I said to my wife I'm going to sell it but she told me I couldn't. She told me there would be a time when I would enjoy it again and when I was out fishing during a beautiful day she would be there with me. She also made me promise I would never cause myself any harm. I'm sure these would be the same words you would hear from your girlfriend.
Seek out a grief counselor. Talk to someone, talk to everyone.......
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