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Now, now, if you guys would spend one quarter the time planning your shopping trips as you do your fishing outings, you might find malling more palatable. First, do NOT dress up in any way shape or form for this event. Dressing down, even to slob/bum status keeps most sales people at bay until you approach them with a question or item to purchase. Second, I don't agree to go with my wife unless she agrees we go to Hooters for a drink and some steamers afterwards-get it in writing if you have to. Third, don't follow her! Lead her! Find out who she wants to shop for and what she wants to get, then be the tour guide, don't giver her that option or she will window shop (she can't help it it's in her blood). A hat is an absolute must, preferably a ballcap with a somewhat shredded visor pulled down as low as possible. Fourth, if she leaves you with a "Stay here, I'll be right back," then do not hesitate to pretend you are one of [Monty Python's] Knights of Nih (practice it with me now-Nih, Nih, Nih...). I guarantee you will have that bench all to yourself. Finally, volunteer to carry all the packages, but look for an opportunity (you usually only get one so do it right) to say, "Honey, my arms are getting tired and you look beat from all this shopping, whatdya say we go for that drink and relax before we have to go home to the kids?" And don't foget, when you're at Hooters make sure sometime before you leave you tell her that she's better looking than all the waitresses put together, that you like coming there for the food.
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