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> Subject: McDonnell Douglas Customer Survey
> Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2001 18:51:58 -0800
>
>
>
> This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by
> an
> employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course,
> does
> not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it down
> immediately
> (for once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the end is worth a read too.... )
>
> Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to
> protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
> warranty
> registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required,
> but the
> information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs
> and
> desires.
>
> 1. [_] Mr.
> [_] Mrs.
> [_] Ms.
> [_] Miss
> [_] Lt.
> [_] Gen.
> [_] Comrade
> [_] Classified
> [_] Other
>
> First Name: ............................ Initial: ........
> Last Name: ..................................
> Password: ........................ (max. 8 char)
> Code Name:
> .................................................. ...............
> Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................................
>
> 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
>
> [_] F-14 Tomcat
> [_] F-15 Eagle
> [_] F-16 Falcon
> [_] F-117A Stealth
> [_] Classified
>
> 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./....... /......
>
> 4. Serial Number: .............................................
>
> 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
>
> [_] Received as gift / aid package
> [_] Catalogue / showroom
> [_] Independent arms broker
> [_] Mail order
> [_] Discount store
> [_] Government surplus
> [_] Classified
>
> 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
> you have just purchased:
>
> [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
> [_] Store display
> [_] Espionage
> [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
> [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
> [_] Was attacked by one
>
> 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
> decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
>
> [_] Style / appearance
> [_] Speed / maneuverability
> [_] Price / value
> [_] Comfort / convenience
> [_] Kickback / bribe
> [_] Recommended by salesperson
> [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
> [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
> [_] Backroom politics
> [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
>
> 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
>
> [_] North America
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Aircraft carrier
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Europe
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Africa
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Asia / Far East
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Misc. Third World countries
> [_] Iraq
> [_] Classified
> [_] Iraq
>
> 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
> purchase in the near future:
>
> [_] Color TV
> [_] VCR
> [_] ICBM
> [_] Killer Satellite
> [_] CD Player
> [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
> [_] Space Shuttle
> [_] Home Computer
> [_] Nuclear Weapon
>
> 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
> that apply)
>
> [_] Communist / Socialist
> [_] Terrorist
> [_] Crazed
> [_] Neutral
> [_] Democratic
> [_] Dictatorship
> [_] Corrupt
> [_] Primitive / Tribal
>
> 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>
> [_] Deficit spending
> [_] Cash
> [_] Suitcases of cocaine
> [_] Oil revenues
> [_] Personal check
> [_] Credit card
> [_] Ransom money
> [_] Traveler's check
>
> 12. Your occupation:
>
> [_] Homemaker
> [_] Sales / marketing
> [_] Revolutionary
> [_] Clerical
> [_] Mercenary
> [_] Tyrant
> [_] Middle management
> [_] Eccentric billionaire
> [_] Defense Minister / General
> [_] Retired
> [_] Student
>
> 13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
> interests
> and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
> on a regular basis:
>
> [_] Golf
> [_] Boating / sailing
> [_] Sabotage
> [_] Running / jogging
> [_] Propaganda / misinformation
> [_] Destabilization / overthrow
> [_] Default on loans
> [_] Gardening
> [_] Crafts
> [_] Black market / smuggling
> [_] Collectibles / collections
> [_] Watching sports on TV
> [_] Wines
> [_] Interrogation / torture
> [_] Household pets
> [_] Crushing rebellions
> [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
> [_] Fashion clothing
> [_] Border disputes
> [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
>
> Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
> will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
> better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
> special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
> mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will
be
> registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
>
> Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
>
> McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department
> Military, Aerospace Division
>
>
> IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
> addressee(s)
> named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or
> unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of
> humor
> or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient,
any
> dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized
> (either
> explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.
>
> Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
> somewhere
> other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no grammatical
> use and
> may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email,
> although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
> Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to
> learn
> that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this backwards, so
just
> ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
>
> However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
> computer
> you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have
received
> this
> email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk, and place in
> a
> warm oven for 40 minutes.
>
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