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Bauer-isms
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a b!tch.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's %$%$%$%$ing beef.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away.
Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pu$$y went to the hospital first.
In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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