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You reminded me of my father saying, "You can lead a horse to water...," pause with a grin and then, "but if you can't make him roll over and float, ya got nothin!"
When my brother or I would complain that the steak was tough, my father would always respond, "It's tougher where there's none!"
Mother: "You look like death warmed over!"
Mother: "You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse," as someone said earlier.
Mother: "You kids'll be the death of me yet!"
Our town had a lady bus driver who was bow-legged. My father must have said a million times, "she's not bowlegged, she's pleasure-bent."
My father always called underarm deoderant, "Marine shower."
Any difficult task was, "... like pushing a boulder uphill."
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