Drink Everclear Alcohol If You Want To
Grow hairs in places you never thought possible only for them to begin to fall out again after a day and magically transform into maggots.
Test how much vomit your sink can actually hold.
Hallucinate in the mens room at your local bar and start picking fights with the urinals.
Try to make your liver resemble the moon.
Wonder drunkingly around town hassling locals for information on where the nearest fast food restaurant is.
Get arrested for taking a whizz on the highway.
Invent a new language which only you and other Everclear aficionados can decipher.
Run around a club’s dancefloor swearing that you are being chased by Bill Cosby and his gang of slothering pink wolves.
Take revenge on your brain for producing so many smart-ass comments over the years. Believe me this works - after your first few hundred shots you’re brain will seize up at the first opportunity leaving you in a semi-comatose state.
Impress a woman with your manly drunken stagger….or not.
Wake up the next morning to see a massive pile of traffic cones lying right beside your bed.
Understand what dogs and cats are thinking.
Discover that you were Anne Boleyn in a previous life
Become the world’s best street fighter, only for you to knock yourself on your ass after taking your first swing at someone.
Convince everyone that you’ve been sniffing exhausting fumes since the age of 2
Become so dehydrated that you have to drink about 35 pints of water to quench your thirst.
Become the first person to set foot on Mars. Of course you won’t have evidence of this bar your own splintered memories. If your friends don’t believe you, get some that will. Just wait long enough outside a scummy looking bar in the crumbling parts of town.
Hear static ringing in your ears for the next century
Grow brown retractable fangs out of your top jaw
Start a forest fire in your nasal hair
Befriend a camp cave goblin called “Shep”
Set yourself on fire everytime you apply deodorant.