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When To Drink Everclear
When you’ve just flunked out of college and decided that you’re going to do this “alcoholic” thing full time.
Drinking Everclear during sex has been known to greatly increase it’s duration, especially if both parties are taking swigs! The scientific reasoning behind this is unknown, however many suspect it’s due to the fact you are both pissed and are trying to make love to the furniture rather than each other.
Drinking Everclear has been known to actually make Friends seem humorous.
Tired of paying all of those dentist bills? Fancy pulling your partners teeth yourself? Then use Everclear as an anesthetic! It’s cheaper and more readily available than laughing gas!
Meeting your spouse’s parents over the holidays? Everclear will make the holiday go much more smoothly! So smoothly in fact that you won’t be able to remember huge proportions of it.
Everclear makes flying home in little “Buddy Holly” aeroplanes fun and exciting! Even if you have a fear of flying!
Have you been defrauding the government? Are you looking to dispose of a whole bunch of documents in a hurry? Then douse said documents in Everclear and light up! The evidence will be gone in a flash! (Along with the rest of your property as an unstoppable fireball makes it’s way through your neighbourhood……)
Everclear can be used to numb the taste of Brussel Sprouts. Feel free to pour the spirit into a vinegar container and sprinkle generously on any food that you hate the taste of. Bam! That hideous taste is gone!
Drinking Everclear whilst watching Steven Seagal flicks can leave you with a lasting impression that the “action hero” is a competent actor and writer who is worthy of universal praise for his versatility in the field of movie making.
Want to impress your potential employers at a job interview? Down a bottle of Everclear 15 minutes before it starts and you are sure to leave a lasting impression with that company!
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