He's out on the deck standing on his hind legs eating all the sunflower seed right out of the bird feeder
having already wiped out all the suet cakes.
so i go out there to confront him and send him Packin
and i kick the trash can to make a big noise and then he gets all nasty with me snarling and charging me and the the flashlight but i'm barefoot and only wearing my underwear
[I don't want him mauling my dog or depleting all the sunflower seed,and suet that's there for our feathered friends which ain't so cheap.]
so ... thinking fast , i grab the nearest object for self defense off of the patio table
which is a plastic tennis racket that i use to play
bad mitten with the white faced hornets.
and i throw it quite accurately sideways like crocodile dundee (lol)
tossing a boomerang and knock his ass right of the railing
as he snarls once more before hitting the ground.
adios Racoon ........ya bastid
you got off easy