Not really a joke but it gives a good laugh. There is a 73 year old father who lives with his son who is in his mid to late 20s and he just writes down quotes his dad says. Since this is a family friendly site I'll give just the few runner ups of my favorites:
"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."
"It's just a
june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"
to my bro-"Your baby dropped his binky. The binky is on the table. THE BINKY IS ON THE TABLE. BINKY ON TABLE. PICK.UP.THE.BINKY. Thank you."
"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."
"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown toenail. Stop bitching."