sorry to hear about your son...
i'm reluctant to post this, but i'd have him arrested...from what you've described in previous posts, your son seems to be on a one-way patch to self-destruction, despite your best efforts
...i feel for your, but what if your son hadn't totalled the van on a tree but on some family's minivan?? i can hear it now...i'm sorry, we were just goofing off, i didn't mean to kill your 5 year old son/daughter...the excuses ring hollow after a while...
i wish there was an easy solution to the problem, but if there was i'm sure you would have found it by now...good luck...