Couple of guys from work THINK they want to go fishing with me. Figured they needed to know the rules up front.
1. The captain’s word is law.
2. When in doubt see item 1.
3. You will do WHAT you are told to do, HOW you are told to do it, WHEN you are told to do it. (See item 1)
4. The Captain reserves the right to invoke Maritime law when he deems it necessary. (See item 1)
5. Be at the dock ON TIME. ON TIME is defined as 5 min early. If you are late you WILL be left behind. Your presence on the boat provides no value to me.
6. Do NOT “help” the captain if not asked to. You likely will just #^&#^&#^&#^& up whatever you are trying to do anyway.
7. Dress warm and in layers. There will be no spooning or cuddling if you get cold. You will likely also get wet. Deal with it.
8. You are advised to take two (2) meclizine tablets the night before the trip. If you get sea sick you will have a long uncomfortable day ahead of you. The boat WILL NOT return to dock because you are puking. In fact the chum will likely improve fishing for the rest of us.
9. The trip is over when the captain say’s it is over. There is no vote. There is no majority rule. See Item 1
10. There is NO bathroom on the boat. It is advised you use the facilities at the marina before departure. If the urge strikes while fishing, you are on your own. It’s a big ocean. Figure it out for yourself.
11. There are many sharp items on the boat (hooks/knifes/Captain’s wit). You may very well become injured. All injuries will be field dressed. The boat WILL NOT return to dock because you have a boo-boo.
12. If you are inclined to become thirsty/hungry over the period of 8 hours bring whatever you may need. I am NOT your momma.
13. Any and all fishing items (excluding tackle) are expected to be returned at the end of the day. If any items are lost during the day YOU will be help financially accountable. (i.e. don’t drop my #^&#^&#^&#^&ing #^&#^&#^&#^& in the water.)
14. There will be ABSOLUTELY no photographs taken of the captain. If in the unfortunate situation that this does occur you will be subject to a punch in the neck and the forfeiture of the offending electronic device. If ANY pictures are found on Facebook you WILL be subject to one throat punch for each offence.
15. There is a high degree of likelihood you will be mocked/humiliated/degraded during the day. Suck it up buttercup.
16. You will be responsible for cutting/hooking your own bait. I will provide guidance. I AM NOT YOUR MOMMA. If you have a philosophical/religious issue with killing a living thing for your own pleasure, you might consider a golf outing instead.
17. We hope you find your day a pleasurable one… but in all honesty I really don’t give a #^&#^&#^&#^&.