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thank you, i need it.
but still, in general i can't stand money. i have to put my personal morals on the back burner. working strictly for the pay check makes me sick to my stomach. in a perfect world every thing i do would be voluntary and have an impact on the environment and/or society. but voluntary work doesn't pay for anything. i'd at least want a job where i make something from 'nothing'. some sort of craft, that provides something worthwhile for people. not just another cog in a faceless planet destroying company that does nothing but destroy society. yet thats its come to, and i have to beg the very companies i hate to allow me to pay my own way. its very degrading to me. as ridiculous a comparison as this may be, its a kin to a jewish person begging hitler to allow them to work in the train yard that ships people to the camps. i wouldnt mind retail in a mom n pop type store, but those stores can rarely afford to hire people. i apply for every job i see for laborers or apprentices or whatever field involves providing a tangible service to people, but thats not panning out either. so i have to resort to groveling at the feet of these managers of major chains, and its a really hard pill to swallow. which ends with no pay off. i feel like i'm selling my soul to these people with no pay off what so ever. i always feel like a jerk, dancing around on stage like an idiot for other amusement when i interview for the retail jobs. i have to take everything i hold sacred and throw it out the window, just so i can have a place to live, or food to eat. which back in the day if i wanted a place to live, i could go find a spot, cut down trees, build a home, plant some crops, hunt for meat, and never have to bend over backwards for anyone. i guess i was born 200 years too late.
anyway it just sucks, being so willing to cave in and do things their way, and still not getting a chance.
as we speak i'm filling out an application to bag groceries in a store filled with no one over the age of 20.. such a rewarding career.. uggg. it is what it is i guess.
Posted from my iPhone/Mobile device
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