Thoughts and prayers for the loss of a wife of one of our friends - Striper Talk Striped Bass Fishing, Surfcasting, Boating

JohnR · 07-24-2005, 10:35 PM

With a very heavy heart, I ask for your prayers and condolences for Mike a/k/a Clammer for the loss of his wife Sheila tonight. Mike called just before nine tonight to tell me she has passed on. Sheila has suffered through and intensely fought various forms of cancer for the past seven years. Tonight, her body gave up though her mind and incredible spirit never did.

Sheila fought this cancer hard and would not give up or take no for an answer. She fought for seven years against several forms of cancer. She would seem to start to win, to take the advantage, but the cancer would return and take stronger hold again. Then it was a new chemo or a new treatment. The numbers would go down for a while but then go back up. One treatment after another, the pain and side effects of treatment always returned. Over a year ago she needed to have all of her nutrients taken through the “feeding tube” as she could no longer eat and process the food as most of us normally do. She grinned and bared it and toughed it out. Unfortunately, this tube became infected which would require another operation to remove and repair the “port”. She went to the Docs if I remember right on a Wednesday or Thursday when they said they needed to do another surgery to remove the port, let it heal, and have another operation after a weeks plus time to reinsert the port. The operation was to be scheduled for the following week but she said no way no how – You Doctors will do this TOMORROW! See, Sheila was off to Narragansett for a week of sun and fun with the “gals”, an annual ritual where Sheila and these other like minded, long time girlfriends would ditch their husbands and kids and responsibilities and beach it for a week. And she was not going to miss this week, simply refused to. So knowing that she would not likely be able to eat anything, the pulled every ounce of persuasion she could muster and had the doctors perform the needed surgery so that next day so she could hit the beach with the ladies. A couple days after she left for Narragansett I was talking Mike and he had tears of joy as she had called the doc and asked if she could try solid foods. The doc said she could if she felt she could keep it down. Mike said she and the girls went out for dinner and Sheila had lobster. Her first solid food, the first food that was truly food in months. Mike said she was going to attempt a burger at the Mews the next day. That was the kind of Lady Sheila was, strong, compassionate, very fair and firm when necessary. She was a great mom to their two kids, Michelle and Jay, and a great grandmother to Drew and Koby. She was a great wife and inspiration for Mike.

I was over at the family business a few months back working on some computers for Sheila and I told her how much my wife and I respected her in her fight against the cancers. She said she had set goals and kept moving those goals forward. First goal was the birth of her first granddaughter, Drew. Then it was to see her grandson Koby born. Then it was to see Drew dance, her daughter’s graduation from teaching college. Always moving the goal posts forward, always setting the next milestone to be achieved. She was able to see many of the things many of us take for granted purely through will power and determination.

She applied the same will and determination to her cancer treatment, from support groups to chemo to chemo and afterward to trying any available trial medicine that could be the next “tool” in her fight to stay alive and live a wonderful life. So could be a wife and a mom and grandmother and a friend to those she held dear.

She was smart, sharp as a tack balanced with plenty of common sense, witty, funny, and above all caring. She could make anyone feel comfortable and anyone smile. She also had a wonderful ability to keep Clammer in line. They say all great men always have a great woman behind him, right? Well, while I might not be ready to place Clammer to the world’s realm of great men, he certainly had one heck of a woman behind him. (OK, all of you that know him will admit that Mike is a great guy).

Mike and Sheila met in college and had been together ever since – thru good and bad, but most often good and great times. Their first date was a 5 am fishing trip off of Newport or Westport if I remember what Mike told me. And she was good too, she could fish. She could plug, sling bait, and land them with the best. I recall Mike saying that she won a tournament out of Newport one year with a mid to high forty pounder and the details are a bit sketchy for me but it may have even been a tourney from the Newport County Saltwater Club that a few here are members of today. She fished and she made sure that Mike did too.

She fished a lot and then became a mom and worked a regular job and the other necessities of life precluded her from spending as much time on the water as she would have liked but she would get out from time to time, in recent years when she was physically up for it. She was also a successful Real Estate agent along with Mike – hence their e-mail handle of “couplesell” – and like in life, Mike and Sheila partnered in business.

She also encouraged Mike to pick up a rod again – for that I will always be grateful – sure he still dug for quahogs, but had passed on his interest to fish as for years after the loss of his longtime fishing partner he did not really fish. But a few years ago he got back in the swing, and made this community his home.

A year ago Mike and Sheila’s kids put together a surprise 35th wedding anniversary party at a local function hall. They brought friends from high school and the neighborhood that they had not seen in decades. Mike and Sheila danced and cried and danced and danced. A great night for all that went. Last Tuesday was their 36th wedding anniversary.

Mike asked to me to relay a few things for him for his friends here. He wanted to again thank the Cuttyhunk crew from a few years back for the two trips to the Island which provided an incredible relief from the pain and pressure of seeing his partner in life battling her illness and just recovering from ills of his own. A few of you may know that at the time he had just received an operation for prostate cancer which had been delayed and delayed due to taking blood thinners after he had a small stroke (he was just as crazy before the stroke as after). He so badly wanted to go to Cutty and was hoping and praying and everything in his power so that he could go. She wanted him to go to. Not to get rid of him but for him. She knew he needed that trip for the sake of some sanity. So even though she was not well she wanted Mike to have some Mike time. Well, Clammer, GB, Goose, Bloocrab, Slip, Milo, Quick Change Ross, Specialist, Chris L, Redcrabber, and I - the last three the infamous “Club of Snore” – (hope I remembered everyone) went over to that fantastic little island and had a truly memorable time. Mike was laughing so hard for so long that I think he peed himself a half dozen times. From the camaraderie to the jokes, to Slips 12 story plug bag, to Bloo’s shenanigans, Mike is truly grateful for those that went those times in 03 and purged a huge mental drain, even if only for a short time, through friendship and laughter and sharing our passion for the water and fishing.

Yesterday I was working on the boat when Mike called me and said he wanted to hit the water for a little while. I went over and we got on the boat, went to a super secret spot and went clamming, first time for me clamming with my bare hands. It was fun, it was moving, it was therapeutic for both of us. It was a beautiful day on the bay. A time not to reflect on times past or to what might seem like a less than certain future. It was a time to go out on the water and play in the sand, go back to basics, to go, as Mike said, to be like a kid again, if only for a little while. It was therapeutic.

Back in May, Mike and Sheila went to Hawaii for a week. They both really wanted to go but they were afraid that the latest trial treatment would prohibit them from flying halfway across the world on what they both felt would be their last escape together. But she did what she always did and fought through the pain and made things happen. They made the trip and went across Hawaii for a week, did the beaches and snorkeling. The snorkeling took away much of the pain she ordinarily suffered as her buoyancy in saltwater equalized with her weight and allowed her to near effortlessly float and swim and shoot across the water in a way that would bring pain with her feet on the ground. They had a tremendous time in Hawaii and Mike confided several times that his best joy he had was seeing the smile and energy the trip brought his wife. That was their last trip together anywhere as when they came home to Rhode Island she went right into the hospital. She remained in the hospital for the next 5 weeks before they brought her back home for her final stay. But when she got home, Mike said she lit up again in smile. She could look out the window and watch the birds and see the leaves and the wind. She could see her dogs. She would move from this world into the next from her own home and not a hospital bed.

Sheila is now in a better place. She no longer suffers through the pain of everyday and of many hours that comes as a result of constantly fighting several forms of cancer. This day will come for all of us at one time or another, when we lose someone truly special, when we say a prayer of thanks to a friend that has passed and a prayer of comfort for the friend surviving. I believe that I am a better person for knowing Sheila and a better person for knowing Mike. My wife Gwen, my son Liam, and I owe Mike and Sheila much in the way of laughs, friendship, and in inspiration, especially inspiration. Sheila, we will miss you. You touched all of us and left you mark on the world. We’ll all take good care of Mike for you now.

Mike, you have many here and elsewhere that are your friends and will stick with you and be with you and help you through these tough times. I’ve said this to you in person before and I am confident I can say here that your circle of friends will be here for you when you need a chuckle, a light moment, or simply a friend. Thanks for being my friend.

fishaholic18 · 07-24-2005, 10:40 PM

Sorry Mike.
You have my prayers for sure.
If you need to talk, you know where I am.
She's in a better place now.
Again, sorry for your loss.

Notaro · 07-24-2005, 10:43 PM

Hey Mike,

You and your family have my condolences and prayers.

Duke41 · 07-24-2005, 11:20 PM

Mike,

You and Sheila and your family are in our prayers.

bloocrab · 07-24-2005, 11:30 PM

Mike,

My sincerest condolences go out to you and your family.

I've been having a hectic year with building the house, planning the wedding...while at the same time, getting completely stressed out...but I can't even begin to imagine losing a life-long companion. It's sad that it normally takes someone else's hardship to put your own life into perspective...again Mike, God Bless....

Mike, try to take comfort in the fact that God has gently taken her by the hand and ended all of her suffering. She's up there now, jumping around in a pretty summer dress...hoping that you keep your head up, and continue to be strong for the rest of your family until the two of you meet again and go banging off the rocks in the glass boat...

Life is what you make of it, and it sure sounds like she pushed it to it's limits. Thinking back to CuttyHunk, I have to say...As much as I wish we had caught fish after fish.....I'm glad we didn't. The relationships that evolved from that trip are memorable ones...& life-long. One of the nights, Mike and I spent on the bank, catching nada/shortz,,, just laughing..talking about Polo shirts and over-filled dinghys trying to get back and forth across the lit-up sky...(how do you catch fish with fireworks blasting all around ya??? YOU DON'T!!)...Had we been into fish, there wouldn't have been time for becoming friends...

Mike buddy, when your ready...and feel like catching nothing . . ..give me a ring.

"Enjoy what you have"........Gilly

Peter Lajoie · 07-25-2005, 12:19 AM

Very sorry for your loss Mike......my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family...

eelman · 07-25-2005, 01:22 AM

Very sorry for your loss Mike, Leslie and I will keep you in our prayers.

mrmacey · 07-25-2005, 03:03 AM

From My family to yours
Mike

MAC · 07-25-2005, 04:03 AM

Mike, I don't know what to say.

You are in My amd Marys' thoughts. God Bless

Bill L · 07-25-2005, 04:33 AM

Mike, I'm very sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I never had a chance to meet Sheila, but from your stories and others, I know she is a very special lady. There will be a time for grieving, and a time for healing.
Take care
Bill

milo · 07-25-2005, 04:38 AM

Sorry for your loss Mike..you know she went to a better place,I cant imagine what you are going thru right now,she was truly a beautiful and great woman,stay strong Mike,you have alot of guys here to pull you thru this man...you and Sheila will be in our prayers,and if there is anything we can do just let us know,and I mean that Mike...stay strong bud and I'll see you soon

Raider Ronnie · 07-25-2005, 04:40 AM

Very sorry for your loss Clammer

Fishpart · 07-25-2005, 04:46 AM

Mike,
Your family is in our prayers.

anything, just call///////

Ed

vineyardblues · 07-25-2005, 05:13 AM

Mike sorry for your loss, Stay strong and belive that their is someplace better for all of us after we pass. God Bless

VB

afterhours · 07-25-2005, 05:16 AM

very sorry for your loss mike, condolences to you and your family from ours.

Slingah · 07-25-2005, 05:18 AM

I am so sorry to hear this news, and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
God bless,
Matt S.

partsjay · 07-25-2005, 05:31 AM

Mike, I am sorry for your loss.....you are in my families thoughts and prayers...God Bless. Jay

CAL · 07-25-2005, 05:42 AM

Sorry to hear of your loss Clammer. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

BigBo · 07-25-2005, 05:47 AM

Mike, sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the heartache you are suffering right now. Hopefully you can find some comfort in the words from your "family" here at S-B.com. Keep Sheila forever in your heart and remember all the good times.

UserRemoved1 · 07-25-2005, 05:59 AM

Very sorry for your loss Mike

Slipknot · 07-25-2005, 05:59 AM

Mike, you and your family have my heartfelt condolences. I am sorry for your loss. You still have a lifetime of memories with her and your family and friends will help you in this difficult time

NIB · 07-25-2005, 06:13 AM

Sorry for ur tremendous loss Mike.Rest assured she is in a better place free of pain.Consider your years together a blessed event as many are not as lucky to have found such a companion.Live strong in her Memory.

BigFish · 07-25-2005, 06:29 AM

After reading JohnR's message....words escape me! Thoughts and prayers to you and your family Mike.

JohnR · 07-25-2005, 06:42 AM

As a few people have asked, I will post arrangements when I know them...

Thanks,

John

spence · 07-25-2005, 06:59 AM

My deepest regrets on your loss...

I need a new avatar for these posts, the pic of the G just doesn't quite seem appropriate.

-spence

"uffah!!" · 07-25-2005, 07:03 AM

Sorry for your loss Mike!
Thoughts & Prayers for you & family!!

Bronko · 07-25-2005, 07:04 AM

My condolences Clammer. I am really sorry for your loss.

fishweewee · 07-25-2005, 07:12 AM

Mike,

God Bless You and Sheila.

May you and your family cherish the lifetime of memories you have shared.

I will keep Sheila, yourself and your kids in my prayers, and I trust that all of your friends here at s-b who know and love you dearly will help you get through this time.

Be strong buddy.

-Ben and Family

reelecstasy · 07-25-2005, 07:14 AM

Very sorry for your loss, T & P.........

Adam R · 07-25-2005, 07:17 AM

Clammer,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Adam