USS William Jefferson Clinton CVGS 1

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Subject: FW: USS William Jefferson Clinton CVGS 1

USS William Jefferson Clinton CVGS 1 sails on maiden voyage by Noslen Laup, API Special Correspondent November 11, 2005 San Francisco (API) ? The latest member of the US Navy's fleet deployed on sea trials today.

The USS William Jefferson Clinton set sail this morning from its home port in San Francisco. The ship is the first of its kind to be commissioned in the Navy, and it is considered to be a fitting legacy to the former president's strong commitment to belittling the military and pushing for deep military budget cuts.

Made almost entirely out of recycled beer cans, the ship is solar powered and has a top speed of point five knots. The first in the new CGS (Carrier, Garbage Scow) class, it carries a complement of one decommissioned F14 Tomcat aircraft that, although non-functioning, presents a very menacing presence indeed.

Firearms are banned on board, but the ship is well armed with a deadly legal staff of activist judges that are a permanent part of the crew. The diverse crew also includes members of everyconceivable race, creed, sex, sexual deviation and Democratic Party subset.

The ship's mess is entirely vegetarian, and the crew is enjoined from wearing leather. Crew members that dislike the conformity of uniforms will be allowed to wear optional tie-dyed clothing.

In the former president's honor, the ship will fly the Stained Blue Dress ensign.

Upon completion of its sea trials the USS Clinton will return to its San Francisco home port where it will be used for aggressive progressive social engineering. In case of an armed conflict, the ship will immediately deploy to Canada where it will practice passive defensive hiding.

Spoilsport Republican critics called the home port choice a sop to California Democratic Senator Diane Feinstein. They claim it was payback because the Navy refused her many requests to have a decommissioned battleship given to San Francisco to be turned in to an anti-war museum.

Democrats pooh-poohed the charges, claiming that, as usual, extremist right-wing Nazi zealot Republicans were poisoning the national discourse.

The USS Clinton undergoes sea trials

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