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Grumpy Old Pharts Board Gerritol, Ex-Lax, Immodium, Bad Breath - all requirements for the Grumpy Board |
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01-20-2013, 09:44 AM
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#1
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BuzzLuck
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Brockton
Posts: 6,414
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Damn women drivers!
This morning on the interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a woman
In a brand new Cadillac
Doing 65 mph
With her face up next to her
Rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
For a couple seconds...
to continue shaving
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I had to put on my seat belt
and I dropped
My electric shaver
Which knocked
The donut
Out of my other hand.
In all The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel,
It knocked
My Cell Phone
Away from my ear
Which fell
Into the coffee
Between my legs!
Splashed,
And burned
Big Jim and the Twins,
Ruined the damn phone,
Soaked my trousers,
And disconnected an
Important call.
Damn women drivers!
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Given the diversity of the human species, there is no “normal” human genome sequence. We are all mutants.
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01-20-2013, 09:50 AM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Libtardia
Posts: 21,591
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LOLOLOL
Posted from my iPhone/Mobile device
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01-20-2013, 02:26 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Somerset Ma
Posts: 1,776
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Hey! Leave my wife alone...
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01-20-2013, 10:21 PM
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#4
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Middleboro MA
Posts: 17,123
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Thanks buzz I needed that laugh after what I just came from
Posted from my iPhone/Mobile device
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01-21-2013, 12:30 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Cumberland,RI
Posts: 8,555
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When I was working at TI I would come off 295 onto 95 north and have to get off right away again at 152. In that short distance , there is a lot of traffic , on top of that people coming onto 95 and leaving 95. Its very hectic and your survival instincts say you should be paying attention.
I regularly saw woman with a cell phone in one hand , doing their makeup in the rear view mirror with the other and by default , since I could see both hands , they were steering with their knees.
Anyway , funny story Buzz!
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Saltheart
Custom Crafted Rods by Saltheart
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01-21-2013, 04:01 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 2,316
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Spotted an elderly male with a cigarette, yapping on a cell phone, and a patch over one eye in my rear view mirror at a light a month or so ago.
I moved over into another lane asap...
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01-22-2013, 07:14 PM
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#7
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Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: 4 hours from my favorite place
Posts: 5,366
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HAHA! Love it
Bad drivers come in all shapes, sizes & genders thats for sure! I've seen a woman reading the paper, a man using his laptop, etc. but one thing I will never forget is a night about 15 years ago when we were Cape bound camper in tow, after work (late, about midnight) hubby couldnt drive anymore and was exhausted. I took the wheel while he slept and had 495 S to myself, easy cruisin right? 20 minutes later flying out of the darkeness a convertible (yes with top down) SCREAMING by me (well barely, missing the trailer is more like it) I was doing 75 watched the car swerve from grass to grass, they had to be doing over 100 MPH and thought there was no way in hell I wasnt going to pass this car and dead body in another minute or two. Never did, but I to this day will never forget that and have no idea how people can drive that way (had to be 5 sheets to the wind) . People do so scary azz stuff......
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Simplify.......
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