THIS just LIT MY FUSE

[Raven]

i'm sitting here workin in the back office for a few
waiting to hear the fed ex guy pull up my long driveway
and deliver our NEW cell phones that we've been anxiously waiting for...

their pretty cool with minny querty key pads for texting
and all the bells and whistles, blah blah.... right?

weeLL these fed ex driver's knock like friggan tinkerbell
and the next thing i know i hear him.........
leaving instead of arriving

theres a : sorry we missed you sticker
on the front storm door and hes freakin GONE->>>>>>

da data dat dat da dah....out comes my CAN of SPINACH

munch, munch, munch, and off i go
like a bat out of HELL

i could tell by what i heard that he went down the hill
instead of up the Hill

i proceeded to Break all the town speeding restrictions
going 75 to 80 mph -> just to find his sneaky ass

and there he is about to cross the main road
this guy in a big pickup see's me trying to catch him
and like the JACKass that he is starts swerving too
to block my damn view

he has no idea who he's messing with - i can assure you
as i was quite LIVID at that POINT and out for BLOOD


finally 3 miles later fed ex guy makes his next delivery stop
and i go have a little chat with this driver.........

he says:
well , i heard your DOG barkin but nobody seemed home....
are you kidden me? my dog is at my feet and definitely NOT barkin
because she didn't hear him arrive either.....

so NOW, i am going to mount a huge bell i have that can be heard
in the next town it's so loud .....right next to the darn door
with a permanent sign that says
-> " all deliveries " ring BELL or die!

reading my manual now ...razzin fraggin sob dumb xyzfuk