Relationship Strain/Failure - Striper Talk Striped Bass Fishing, Surfcasting, Boating

Slipknot · 08-30-2013, 09:11 AM

You have to find the right woman
It helps greatly if her friends have stupid sad sacks of an excuse for partners/husbands and dysfunctional relationships which can make you look good and be forgiven for your absences. Get them to tell you how wonderful you are. And always be honest. Fish at night while they sleep, worked for me. And if you have kids, you be the one to handle the early AM feeding and soon you'll be taking the little one with you trout fishing or whatever.
good luck

DZ · 08-30-2013, 09:28 AM

I never like to read threads on this topic because it saddens me. Many, many, of my fishermen friends have broken marriages/relationships. Some of them wish they had changed their ways and saved their marriage. They are lonely. I feel so fortunate be happily married for 31 years. When my wife and I first talked about marriage I was chasing striped bass 6 nights a week. I told her I’d love to get married but I didn’t want to give up fishing because striped bass controlled my life. Even at that young age I’d seen what this addictive compulsion could do to relationships. Until we had children I continued my addiction to fish but as I grew older with a young family I began to put things in perspective and prioritize my life. On one particularly good night I was into a very good bite including my first over 50 – I left that bite to take my son to soccer practice. Some guys I’ve known would have blown off the kids practice and kept fishing. I still fished but dropped down to 3-4 nights a week. Currently I’m very content with fishing maybe one or two nights a week. The most important perspective in my life is when I realized that my family is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of life. Fish are fish and I still love chasing them but not at the expense of true family happiness. I sincerely wish you all the very best in finding a relationship that prospers and lasts forever.

macojoe · 08-30-2013, 12:35 PM

I am in 32 years!She use to complain then we had kids to keep her busy, Then the kids started to fish with me and it was a losing battle on her end LOL When I got into boating it was a new issue all about the money, So I just made as much as I could and she was happy. When it did get tuff i just say i sleep, eat, work, and fish! i am not drinking, whoring, or drugs, i am fishing!! but i could do the other things if thast would make her happy!
in return i never said anything about her going out with friends or family, she could go anytime day or night, but same for me!
Now we are alone kids grown and gone, if you said joe you want to fish tonight, I say yes, in the morning i wake up and say I am leaving to go fishing with?? she say ok when you coming home, I say you know when I go fishing I don't go by a clock so I be here when ever. bye

It works for me

RickBomba · 08-30-2013, 12:53 PM

Yeah,
Mine has always pretty much let me do what ever I want, as long as I didn't come back home hammered.

I stopped getting hammered. Lots of other things worked out then, to boot.

Seriously, you have to find the right kind of significant other and the rest sometimes works out for the best!

hq2 · 09-02-2013, 02:56 PM

I think it helps to have some kind of agreed upon schedule at the outset of the relationship. We agreed to one full day a month, plus
a few short local trips on weekends a few years ago, and that seemed to work. (When I was single, I was out most weekends, often both days).

Also helps to sneak in trips in good locations when you're out of town. Or, if all else fails, you can just fake it. Took a day off a few years ago where I dressed for work, drove to Rhode Island, changed to fishing clothes, fished the whole day, came back, changed back into my dress shirt and pants, and walked into the door like nothing
had happened (some sunblock was useful too!).

Hey, whatever works!

piemma · 09-02-2013, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hq2

I think it helps to have some kind of agreed upon schedule at the outset of the relationship. We agreed to one full day a month, plus
a few short local trips on weekends a few years ago, and that seemed to work. (When I was single, I was out most weekends, often both days).

Also helps to sneak in trips in good locations when you're out of town. Or, if all else fails, you can just fake it. Took a day off a few years ago where I dressed for work, drove to Rhode Island, changed to fishing clothes, fished the whole day, came back, changed back into my dress shirt and pants, and walked into the door like nothing
had happened (some sunblock was useful too!).

Hey, whatever works!

You better hope she doesn't read this.

Stewie · 09-02-2013, 04:47 PM

I've been fishing less and less. She doesn't seem to like me any more than she did when I was gone all the time.

goosefish · 09-03-2013, 12:52 PM

My second wife likes when I fish but doesn't understand when I show up without dinner. To her the act of fishing is very closely linked to food. Pure sport fishing she can't quite wrap her head around. Her parents are from the Azores. I think eating fish is simply encoded in the DNA of island people.

So now I spearfish--it's fun and a very good way to harvest protein from the ocean.

Hello everyone. It's been a few years since I've posted.

John

piemma · 09-03-2013, 12:59 PM

Great article in this months OTW on swordfish. That was you, right John?

goosefish · 09-03-2013, 01:01 PM

Thanks Paul. Yes it was. I'm glad you liked it.

Jim in CT · 09-10-2013, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goosefish

Thanks Paul. Yes it was. I'm glad you liked it.

That was an awesome article.

As to the OP, it's about a combination of tolerance, balance, and moderation. When I was single, with little responsibility, I fished a lot between May and November. Met my now-wife, I fished a bit less as I wanted the relationship to succeed, and that involved some sacrifice on my part, as well as some sacrifice on her part (I still fished a lot, but sometimes I skipped fishing for romantic dinners, etc).

Then we had 3 little kids over a short span. I'm not sure how any man with little kids spends a huge amount of time (when not working or sleeping) away from his kids for what, while menaingful, is just a recreational pursuit. Kids, especially little kids, need an awful lot of dad's time, and that's infinitely more important than any hobby.

Today, I fish about one fifth as much as I regularly did, probably 10% of what I did in my peak years. I do miss fishing as much as I did, but I wouldn't trade my marriage or my kids' happiness for all the world records known to the IGFA. I also know that I'll fish more at future stages of my life.

Good luck to any struggling with this balance...