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If he's 19, not in school and living at home he ought to be expected to contribute to the household. I don't think his contributing something toward room and board is asking too much, neither is giving him a few chores or a home improvement project now and again. It doesn't have to be much, but so he gets the idea that life isn't free. He especially ought to be encouraged to get a job to pay his "rent". Let him start doing his own laundry, fill the gas tank in the car. In small ways I think you can put him on track by having him do things he'd likely do if he was on his own. Most of all I think you have to establish a united front with your wife. If you go about making rules and forcing major change without her buy in you might not get anywhere with him. I don't know that tough love is the way before you've exhausted the effort to simply get him to establish some goals and let him know your expectations of him.
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