First Job Search

[Rmarsh]

Yeah....my dad..I watched him take down each of my bigger brothers...on different occasions..so i never tried getting smart with him ..I got the "belt" a lot mostly for fighting with my just slightly older brother.
But my dad was there for us especially in tough times.
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[Rmarsh]

Having a mentor...my co-worker and now friend..was a big advantage to reaching my goal. He was always there with advice and knowledge. When I got engaged...he said "dont blow a lot of money on an engagement ring." "You dont know how things will turn out."
I'm a little embarrassed to admit....but i took his advice on that too....and spent a grand total of $175.00. Wife and I laugh about it now....and of course she doesnt ever wear it. But she will admit now that our own new house as a wedding gift more than made up for it.

[Rmarsh]

So, with our wedding date a year away, I had to get serious about getting things in order. I would be able to do all the carpentry required......but there was a lot more involved.
Excavating, foundation, plumbing and heating, electrical...septic system etc... fortunately I was familiar with all the subcontractors my boss contracted with, got quotes from all of them and put all the numbers together. Could all this really be done for under $25,000?
It better be, because that is all the bank would give me on my newly approved mortgage loan.

[Rmarsh]

Originally Posted by Rmarsh

When I was in high school I hung around with all the cool kids.....all we cared about was getting high and getting laid. But all the partying was turning some into alchoholics and hard drug users. I didnt want that for myself, I started to see them as losers that I needed to break away from if I was going to succeed.

They say you will become more like those who you associate with.
Now that I had graduated high school, I was working with two grown men who were both straight arrows...no drinking or drugs. Both had built their own homes. Working full time...learning to be a carpenter... gave me a sense of pride and independence. I read a couple of books that had a profound effect on my way of thinking.
I started planning my future, feeling like I had the power to make it happen.

I was seeing a stark contrast between the group of people I hung out with as a teen....and these two successful working men who were part of my new situation. I was working a lot more and hanging out less with those" friends".

One hot day, that summer of '76, I was stripping a roof off of an old house in Rochester. When I came down for a break, sweating and filthy, I saw a familiar car coming down the road, that pulled over near my vehicle. It was two guys that I knew from our high school days of partying and hell raising. The exchange went something like this:

"WTF are you doing up on that roof?". they asked

"Working for a living now" I said.

"Well we got a case of beer, weed, and we're heading for the beach" "C'mon with us!"

"I cant" I said "I'll lose my job"

"Tell your boss to go f u c k himself" They scoffed.

"No, you guys go on ahead." was my reply.

Pretty sure that was the last I ever saw of them.

[Rmarsh]

Around that same time in my life, I randomly picked up a book I saw kicking around that may have been my dad's or maybe belonged to another family member.
Curious title "Phsyco-Cybernetics"
After a chapter or two I was overwhelmed at the revelations in it about the power of positive thinking. The timing of finding this gem couldn't have been better. After I finished reading it, I started putting these theories into practice, amazing stuff.

There is so much more...but here it lays out seven principles...then it delves deeply into the self image stuff.

The first element is Sense of Direction, or having an objective to pursue. Direct yourself toward success every day by setting goals.
Next comes Understanding to know when your fear or desire is altering the truth. Anxiety, fear, and desire cause us to misunderstand events, which leads to failure.
Then we have Courage, which is taking calculated risks to make your goals happen. Don’t delay action until you are completely confident. Even Imperfect Courage is better than none.
Afterward comes Charity, which consists of putting the problems and needs of people first. Caring for others is a hallmark of outstanding individuals.
Esteem is next and is all about having a positive self-opinion. Tell yourself often that you can do whatever you think you can!
Self-confidence comes after esteem. You can improve this one by remembering your past successes. Learn to accept and love yourself for who you are, and forget your past failures.
And last we have self-acceptance, which is learning to live and be okay with yourself, weaknesses and strengths.

[afterhours]

Methinking you should write a book...seriously.

[Rmarsh]

Originally Posted by afterhours

Methinking you should write a book...seriously.

Thanks...mostly writing it to myself in the early morning hours...that foster reflecting on what has passed. Compelled to write it down the way i remember it.
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[fishbones]

Originally Posted by Rmarsh

Thanks...mostly writing it to myself in the early morning hours...that foster reflecting on what has passed. Compelled to write it down the way i remember it.
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I love reading these posts.
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[Rmarsh]

Originally Posted by fishbones

I love reading these posts.
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Thanks...i probably am coming across as boastful to some...thats okay. Comments are welcome....as well as anyone caring to share their positive outcomes. One of my rules to live by is to shun negative people.

[Rmarsh]

There were some not so positive experiences in my past....nothing really bad and im not intending to be complaining here because as it turns out this all helped me grow up or "builds character" as they say....but as a kid I felt a lack of confidence, and an inferiority complex ....from growing up on the poor side of town...was easy to tell that all my clothes were hand me downs or from the second hand store. My peers noticed that stuff and it didn't feel great hearing the comments. Embarrassed whenever money was needed for anything.....all my paper route earnings went to my mother....that was established way before I took over the routes from my older brothers.
I wanted to be good at sports....and one day a friend suggested I try out for his baseball team....at the tryout I made some incredible catches in the field....the next day same friend told me I was invited to join the team...just be at the next practice. That's when it dawned on me that practice and games would be at the same time the papers had to be delivered....and that was that.
When I made the freshman football team in high school....I had to drop out due to having to walk/hitchhike the 10 miles home after every practice...was a kid on the team going in the same direction and he and his dad would drive right past me. I felt unworthy at times.
So I never got to play organized sports. We were a one car family and my dad had a long commute so not possible to chaufer me anywhere.
Not the worst problems to have I know.....but it caused me to want to succeed at something and break out of my inhibitions.
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[Rmarsh]

All those insecurities vanished pretty quickly once I found my calling..... a job that would change me from a scrawny kid with no idea what to do to earn money....to a very fit young man with some marketable skills...a trade.......and now a girlfriend I could take on a date without worrying how to pay for things.

I had met a girl in eighth grade that I was smitten with, we were too young to be in any kind of exclusive relationship, and we both had growing up to do. We dated others while admiring each other from afar....It wasnt until senior year in high school that we got together again. She was planning to go college, paying her own way, with money she saved from a job she had at a nursing home since she was 15 years old. She said we should wait until she finished school before moving forward with our relationship.

[Rmarsh]

"I got the girl I wanted".... It's something I've often said to my wife over our now 45 years of marriage. She was such a great catch.
Beautiful, smart, dignified, ...I still have her on a pedestal....she was also inspiration for me to succeed.

While she was busy working and studying to finish school, I was getting prepared to take on building a small home for us....and with our wedding day only months away I had to get moving on that. I told my boss that I would need to take a leave of absence.....to devote full time to my build. His only concern was that I would return afterwards.

[Rmarsh]

It was in May on the 15th, that everything was in order to begin building. Permits, well, lumber lists, subcontractor proposals and mortgage loan all in hand. Foundation got poured and backfilled and now it was ready for me to start framing. I was so amped up the first few days I didnt sleep at night, planning on what I could accomplish the next day, at 21 years old, I had boundless energy. Good thing, because with the wedding set for August 12th, I had less than three months to get it done.....or at least to the point that we could move in.

[Rmarsh]

My first misstep happened right away.....I called for my foundation inspection on the thursday it was completed...and was told that the building inspector was off and not coming back until monday.
Well...that wasnt going to work for me because all the lumber was on site and I wasnt about to waste a weekend waiting... so we backfilled and poured the basement floor on friday. On saturday and sunday I installed the main girder, floor joists and decking....ready for first floor walls.
Monday morning and Im there at sunup....ready and chomping on the bit to get started....thats when the BI shows up...and he's not happy!
I knew I was wrong...and stayed quiet as he walked around seeing what I had done.

[Rmarsh]

Al Tolley was a large man....probably in his mid sixties...and he was scowling...so I braced myself for a scolding ...or worse.
He looked at me and said "You know...I can make you dig this up to show me you got footings under these concrete walls"
I nodded..... and sheepishly mumbled something about my situation.....basically asking for forgiveness.
Well he must have been in a generous mood...and my not being cocky with him might have helped
"Dont try pulling this #^&#^&#^&#^& again!" Was all he said as he got back in his truck and left.
I knew he was right, but I was on a mission, in my mind nothing was going to stop me.
I still believe in the axiom that says "better to beg forgiveness than ask permission....and I wasnt sorry that I hadn't waited for him....and wasted an entire weekend waiting for a foundation inspection.

[Rmarsh]

By june 1 the daylight hours were getting long enough to get a good twelve hours of work in on the house....which I did alone. I hadnt made any arrangements for hired help and most friends and family that had previously offered to help never showed up. There was one guy Kenny....married to my girlfriends sister....who came everyday right from his job at the Morse Twist Drill to help....had no carpentry skills.... but I would save the heavy lifting stuff for when he got there. I got a big boost in morale from his daily visits....and he always brought some cold beer and we worked into the darkness. Getting the roof shingled was a milestone....which also meant I could call the bank to inspect and release mortgage money to pay for the excavating, foundation and framing materials. Even after working those long hours I had trouble sleeping......my mind always racing ahead to next days challenges.