Wheres all the good comedy.................

[Scotch Bonnet]

.........on the web. Brooksie got me watchin all sorts of old hockey fights so I need to balance this off with some good laughs. There MUST be some funny stuff out there, I just don't know where to look. I have kind of a sick sense of humor so NBC's sitcoms just don't cut it.

[MountainBreeze]

Well... I'm not a golfer but I thought this was good:

(From Bax & O'Brien / ROCK102)

One day Steve and his wife, Sarah were out playing golf. Everthing was going fairly well for Steve until the 7th hole. he sliced his tee shot a mile to the right so he and his wife had to go looking for the ball. Eventually they came across a shed with the door slightly ajar, and surprisingly enough the ball was lying in the center of the floor.
And so, not wanting to drop a shot, Steve decided to play on instead of taking a penalty by dropping the ball. Sarah noticing that if Steve played a good shot he could get his ball on the green, offered to hold the door open while her husband played the shot. Steve hit the ball, but struck his wife in the temple. She died instantly.

Another five years later, Steve found himself on the same golf course, on the same hole, this time with his friend, Jim. So coincidentally, Steve's tee shot slices right and again lands in the same shed--just like it did five years ago. As Steve thought seriously about what to do, Jim offered to hold the door open so he could take his shot. Suddendly with a look of panic on his face, Steve recalled what happend five years ago and replied, "Hell no!!! the last time I tried that shot it took me seven shots to get on the green!"

BOOYAH!!!

[hooked]

Found this on the web, but can't remember where...

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

The boy is wearing a fire fighters helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks, mister," the boy says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little boy says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

[Fish_n_Dive]

A little sick, BUT VERY funny

[JohnR]

That was good, it reminds me about another funny joke that unfortunately is probably overkill for the board, awww shucks

[Fish_n_Dive]

i'm not sure if this crosses the invisable line of good jokes but here it is anyway.

One day three men walked into a
pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they
were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in
each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The first man pushed his beer away in disgust.

The Second man fished the fly out of his beer, and continued
drinking it, as if nothing had happened.

The third man, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out
over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT
YOU B$%@#$*!!!!"

[Scotch Bonnet]

Good jokes! How about any web sites?

[striperjerk1]

scotch tryhttp:wwwfynnyjokes.com

[JohnR]

Supposedly True but it's off the Internet - take it for what it's worth...

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things._ Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion._ The lawyer sued....and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the Lawyer held a policy from the company
in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also
guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own Insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, The lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced
to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine._ This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

[Van]

So a baby seal walks into a club.........and........

SORRY.....

[Scotch Bonnet]

That one took me awhile

[Van]

hehe.....

[JohnR]

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down,rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don' t know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.




YEH BABAY

[redcrbbr]

www.joecartoon.com

check out joe fish

[Van]

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden,but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him,was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
> >
Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles
would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad:


A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Dad:
For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I
buried the GUNS!


Love, Bubba

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police
officers showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any guns.
> >
They apologized to the old man and left.
> >
> >That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
> >
Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do
under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba

[fishsmith]

another blonde joke

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble thse pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Second, relax.

Let's have a glass of wine, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."