Location: I live in a house, but my soul is at sea.
Lucky for her I'm not agressive
I've been divorced for 13 years. The year before that was finalized, my two oldest boys moved out and we sold the house, I moved into an inlaw apartment I found in Duxbury and the X took the youngest to live (ha) with her in a condo in Rockland. Since then I've pushed as hard as I dared to get him motavated or to get her to actually parent without any success. He's 28, no license and only got a job stacking beer in a cooler two years ago. Regardless of how bad it is for his health, she still smokes in the small condo and feeds him crap loaded with sugar & salt.
Xmas comes I get a call from my oldest who is home spending his token holiday visit, so I get the youngest on the phone for a 2 minute merry Xmas and that's it. Yesterday I pop in unannounced because he hasn't returned a call or a text. I had sent him an email saying I heard of the wonderful job opportunity he had a month ago, since my oldest told me his friend offered my youngest an opportunity to apprentice and get his electrician's license, yet he didn't even remember reading it. He is content having his mom drive him to work, pick him up and then close his bedroom door to boot up the computer and get his head set on.
I walked out after five minutes of awkward conversation with the X sitting there giving me the evil eye and then he gives me a HD camera drone as a belated Xmas present. Anyone, my two other boys included, who knows me would not be giving me something I can play with for 15 minutes and it's over. Needless to say I don't want that reminder sitting on the rec table, so it's up for sale on the classified; great deal for someone.
You can divorce them, but you can't kill them
Last edited by Got Stripers; 03-08-2017 at 08:03 AM..
Yeah, that would put the focus back on you as a "bad guy".
Funny that karma has a way of paying pack for bad deeds and thoughts. For example, my older brother got railroaded into divorce years back. His ex claimed infidelity on his part, which was unfounded because he was working 2 jobs to pay for the luxurious house she stayed home in (she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom).
They have three kids, a boy and two girls.
Well, as she was plotting the split (with some help from her "wonderful mom" (note, she orchestrated her own divorce years earlier) she got a part-time job at Jordan's Furniture and "worked late hours" while my brother was at his second job. (kids were baby-sat my local teen or by the evil grandma)
When she sprang her trap, she hurried him into signing the divorce papers, and he did so (stupidly) without having them checked by a lawyer. He basically gave her whatever she wanted.
The "funny" thing is she ended up marrying her boss from Jordan's less than a year after the divorce.
I believe with every fiber in my being that SHE was cheating on my brother, and her mom coached her into blaming my brother. She even had the oldest girl spy for her, so that she reported every time my brother even "talked" to a girl, and used that as a basis for his cheating ways.
What made me mad, and still does to this day, is that we were building a "summer home" in the NH lakes region while all this infidelity was going on. Every weekend for 3 years we would drive up, build both days, and drive home Sundays. He didn't have the energy to flirt let alone cheat, and I was there every weekend with him, so I know!
Sorry for the long story, but I'm getting to the Karma part.
Recently she was on one of those speedy harbor tour boats, I think it's called "Codzilla", and contrary to the instructors warning, she was not seated when they hit a wave while doing one of their spin moves, and she was thrown against the side of the boat and fractured her back. Not paralyzed, but unable to work. Then her 2nd husband lost his job, so now instead of living a life of luxury, it's far from it.
Now, I don't like wishing ill will towards anyone (unless they truly deserve it) and trust me, she and her mom TRULY deserve it!
Don't dwell to long on it, and just do what you can to influence you kids, leading them to be responsible and respectable adults.
I have been giving my nieces and nephews bits of wisdom, not like I'm some guru, but rather things to avoid that I and my siblings should have avoided in our youth.
Straight talk, not sugar coated, and I can only hope some of it sticks. The world is a lot crazier than when we were young, and you don't usually "bounce back" from the mistakes being made today!
(You usually end up in jail or in a grave!)
Location: I live in a house, but my soul is at sea.
It's so frustrating to watch, knowing that at 28 with only two years of minimum wage job experience behind him and still not even motivated enough to get a drivers license; he is so far behind where he should be.
I mean should be, because he is a smart kid, but he is allowed by his mother to just live in the very small bubble he exists in. The more I want to give him advice or her criticism for not pushing him, the less I hear from him and the farther behind the 8-ball he gets.
I've suggested a tech school to take is computer gaming skills in a direction of a IT career, but my advice just falls on deaf ears. You don't give up the desire to parent after they move out; it doesn't get any easier.