Marriage question

[goosefish]

Need some advice. I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. We've been "going steady" now for almost five years, so she is well aware of who I am. My question is that I don't have a ring, and can someone make an offer to marriage without one?
Or does a women want an engagement ring then and there on the spot; with me on a knee totally ringless. Should I wait and go out and buy some simple ring, then propose. I've been putting off the proposal now for about a year---the time is ripe for asking, I can feel it.

[rocketman]

Ask first then let her pick the ring. My $0.02 worth. I did it that way and have been married 22 yrs.

[Nebe]

Hey good for you goosefish:

If she really loves ya, the ring means nothing. But if it means a lot to you, find a place that finances.

[goosefish]

[Jimbo]

I agree with Rocketman. There will be many times to surprise her later on, but I think that is something special for a woman and other than the one she picks out for your nose, she's going to be wearing it the rest of her life, so why not let her pick. Good luck.

[Clammer]

G/F =if you been with her for 5 years =you already know the answer===========If you don,t =best think about it

[Got Stripers]

Mike, Mike, Mike, you think in 5 years you can know a women, good god man take your meds and get some sleep you are delerious.

[Slingah]

I went out and bought a ring to do the deed after she hinted what she might like. WRONG. No big deal paid for on credit card and was not sized. It was like I borrowed it for the night. Then I was in trouble when we went shopping for it $$$$$$!!!So that way she got what she really wanted. It is a beautiful ring and she is my honey.
Good Luck gf
Have a dummy ring or cigar band or something if you do not know just what she wants. Then go shopping !!!
Keep us posted.

[Bill L]

Tough call John, I think it is highly dependent on the woman --- some would want it then and there, some it wouldn't matter and they would rather pick it out anyways. GO with what you feel is right, you know her best. Good luck!

PS -- if you pick it out, you may have a little cost control; if you turn her loose in a jewelry store get ready

[Clammer]

Screw you BOb I knew in 3 weeks=============& Its coming up on 35 years =with a great woman///
I,d do it over in a heartbeat if she would have me================================================ =============screw fishin ==I caught one great ,classy lady




Hooters Still Rules

[Nebe]

Goosefish, the Purple Cow has nice little plastic engagement rings next to the cash register.... In the couple of minutes I was with leah, I'd put $$ down that it wont matter if you have the real thing on you when you 'pop' the question.. She doesn't seem like the materialistic type.

[goosefish]

Eben---your right on that. But I got a feeling she's going to want something on her finger. I've got a swordfish bill on the wall. The bill is bone and I always thought that it could be cut and then polished into on hell of a ring.

[C-5 CC]

I did as follows: take woman you plan to marry to the mall and wander around for a while. She is a woman, so eventually she will be drawn near, if not directly into one of the many jewelry stores. move her in the direction of the engagement rings, give the employee a wink, and excuse yourself to the bathroom or some place other than there. When returning to the store, call her from the door and tell her she has to come quickly to see the "whatever" on sale at the outdoor/sporting goods place. Don't talk of the jewelry store again while at the mall! Return later w/out the perspective wife and find out from the store employee what she was looking at. If is not a million bucks...BUY IT! I choose to put it on layaway, being a poor, low ranking Air Force guy at the time, I didn't have the cash to buy it right then. If the subject of the jewelry store is brought before you can complete the purchase, act like you forgot all about it!
My master plan was disrupted, because I got my orders to deploy to Saudi for Desert Storm. I was to leave the country the following day. I made dinner plans for the "wife" and I, and then rushed to the mall and plunked down the dreaded credit card to pay the ring off. 9PM that night, she said yes, and by 2AM I was airborne on my way to one of the true armpits of the world.
14 years and four kids later...I still count myself as one of the luckiest men alive. She even puts up w/ my fishing addiction!!!
I wish you luck, and many years of happiness!!!
Brandon

[goosefish]

Great story Brandon. I can remember watching Desert storm on the TV. I was around twenty at the time, working on a lobster boat out of Newport RI--I can remember thinking about the draft, thinking if the draft ever happend then the lobstermen are going to be the first to go.

[C-5 CC]

Originally posted by goosefish
if the draft ever happend then the lobstermen are going to be the first to go. [/B]

ya know, I do rember picking some "secure chatter" on the SATCOM system about those hard-a$$ lobstermen, and how "if only we could get them all to enlist in the Air Force, all those rag-heads would be so scared that they would just throw down their weapons and run back to Iraq" ...well it was something like that, but the transmission wasn't too clear...

Brandon

[CustomMarineProducts]

The girl has waited for five years guy, you owe her a ring.
The ring is supposed to be 1 months salary. Buy it while your on unemployment?? Just kidding, take her to some different stores and look. Don't worry, she'll find a way to let you know which one is the right one. Pay attention to what she says, Hell, you might as well start getting used to listening to her talk. LOL
Congrats and Good Luck

[Crafty Angler]

Goosefish -

When I proposed to my wife I got down on one knee and gave her my lates father's wedding band as an engagement ring because I didn't have the shcarole for a diamond at the time (I used to wear that ring on my right hand as a remembrance of him). She said 'yes' and said that his ring - which was given to him by my late mom on their wedding day - meant more to her than any diamond ring ever could. She still wears it to this day, 23 years later, and I still look at it every day and remember.

Says a lot about the woman.

[The Dad Fisherman]

I'm feeling overly opinionated this morning so here it goes..

I'm more of a traditional guy. I will go out and get a ring for you and if the whole love thing is the most important aspect of it then it shouldn't matter what the size or shape of the diamond is. I've seen women tell their guys that if you get me a ring it better be at least one carat......Yikes. and in all honesty I'm pretty sure most women agree "I never met a Diamond I didn't like"

I do believe you should be down on 1 knee w/ ring in hand and do it proper, Special place special time.

Bottom line is you Know her and know what she likes. You do what will guarantee your best chance of survival in the coming years.

all kidding aside marriage is a great thing. I've been married 12 years and have a wonderful wife and 2 great kids.....enjoy

[Mr. Kav]

buy a ring, i think she will want something to feel that she is engaged. i got engaged in october and she is always looking at her engagement ring smiling at me and it is a nice feeling that she has a symbol of our engagement. just my .02

[Moose Nuckle]

I like the idea of letting her pick out the ring later. This might work, buy a Habs Needle Fish and put a split ring big enough to fit her finger on it. If she says yes put the split ring on then go to the store for the real one. Now she will have her own Needle Fish to remember the moment.

[Jimbo]

I didn't know there were such a bunch of hopeless romantic fishermen here. Renews my faith in some of the reasons I like visiting the site and will enjoy spending time with everyone on the 21st.
I was in dire straits financially when the time came for me, paying off school debts while working trimming and delivering caskets in factory out on LI. It was a long distance relationship, too, but one day we went together and she picked out something she liked, knowing full well she wasn't marrying Richy Rich, but then I paid it off in dribs and drabs; seemed like forever before that I would take it off that jeweler's hands, but finally I did. She waited patiently for it but never knew when it was coming. Then finally just before Xmas one year I paid it off and hopped a train to NJ. She searched me as I got off the train as she did everytime, looking for it ( I had hid it in my sock). So knowing the Hyatt in Princeton was pretty decked out I suggested going for a drink. Everyone was all festive there and we went up a few levels to look down on all the decorations. While her back was to me I took out the box, and got down on one knee. She turned and knew immediately and shreiked "Yes! Yes! Yes!" before I could finish getting the words out, "Will you marry me." She made such a commotion that everyone looked up and then they applauded. I almost lost it I was so happy. Rates up there as one of my best days with her. It didn't matter that it wasn't a surprise, but had I had the money I sure might have tried that angle. What's important is that you both want it and you make it happen the way it's best for you.
(BTW-C5CC that is a really great story of yours).

[RIROCKHOUND]

John,

My plan, (aways down the road... maybe summer? ) is to find a credit card with zero % for a year or so online, get it, charge the ring, and pay it off over 1 year, makes it less painful, 'specially when ya broke like me....

Good luck... Are you gonna join Eben in the fishingless masses soon then?

[RickBomba]

I'm not one to give advice about marriage, but I learned something about the proposal.
Definately let her pick out the ring. No matter how close you are to your girl, she and you will have different tastes in engagement rings.
I hate to say this one, too. The ring is very important; as much of a material symbol as it may be.
Anyhow, don't get divorced like me. I'll NEVER go through this again. Talk about dissolussionmentt!
Later Dude,
Good Luck,
Rick

[Jenn]

she will WANT a ring but if she accepts even without one...then shes a keeper!

[fishweewee]

John,

First off, congrats!

If you do decide to get a ring for her, I think 9 times out of 10 she would want a say in selecting it (so you go shop together).

What kind of ring, I don't know. That will depend on what she wants and how much you're willing to spend.

I've heard up to a few months salary as a suggested guide for spending on a diamond engagement ring.

You'll soon be expert in the 3 C's ... cut, color, clarity.

If you're going to buy a ring, figure a budget out, and communicate this to the wife-to-be.

Also, ya don't need to go nuts starting out - girls love looking forward to upgrading their jewelry down the road.

[Jenn]

girls love looking forward to upgrading their jewelry down the road

AW heck I didnt know that was an option!!!!!!!!

[fishweewee]

Jenn, tell your hubby I'm sorry for planting the idea in your head.

[CAL]

You should definately give her a ring, but I think most women like to pick it out. Some places will let you buy one and you can return it within 30 days if it is not the style she wanted, as long as you get another one from them.

I did that for my last ex, and she upgraded to one that cost me about four months pay (yeah, I was )

Ask the jewelers if that's an option. You never know, you might pick the right one, but it's nice to know she can return it if she wants to.

[hooked]

It’s not like this is going to be the last diamond you ever buy…

What’s your track record on other surprise gifts? Have you had to return or exchange a birthday, Christmas gifts, etc because of different tastes? Those aren’t important, this is.

I love my wife but I suck at reading her mind.

Have you two talked about getting married and about what type of ring she wants? Has she noticed or commented on a friends ring? If she has casually mentioned that she wants a 1.25-carat J, vs2, princess cut set in platinum band you’re all set. (maybe)

If you think that this is tough, wait until you start to plan the wedding. I’ve heard that this is the stuff they think of when we are thinking about fishing, sex and beer.

I proposed without having a ring and she still said yes. We got married 13 years ago and that was after being together 9 years. After that much time, I wasn’t about to take the chance on disappointing her.

One thing to consider is that if you propose without a ring, you better have done your homework. Get her to a jeweler ASAP and get something on her finger.

Good advice has been given for both options but none of it really matters. You’ve got to figure this one out.

Also, this will not impact your fishing time. Having kids will.

Best of luck.

[RIJIMMY]

Heres what I did, first , I picked out a few rings I liked at a quality jewery store.
Then I bought a bottle of Dom Perignon, picked a special night got down on one knee and spilled my guts. Once I popped the question I told her that I have a few rings I like anf I wanted her to choose. I thought the champagne made it special even though I did not have the ring.
We went to the store the follwing day and bought the ring