Is it legal.......

[Flaptail]

to do bodily harm ( the grievous kind) to your daughters boyfriend?

He hasn't treated her badly but he has her in a spell where she puts him before he work, concentrating on getting her ducks in line for next college year, family and all else and I have had enough.

Any suggestions? He sucks.

Wish they had a book on being a Dad and it haed a chapter on this kind of thing.

[EarnedStripes44]

tough call man, is he from Cambridge? You just give me the word. I got a .45, some coveralls and a shovel

[likwid]

Originally Posted by EarnedStripes44

tough call man, is he from Cambridge? You just give me the word. I got a .45, some coveralls and a shovel

Pfft, someone else on this site and I are well versed in inflicting far more effective forms of terror into people.

We work cheap.

[Raven]

being in love is like a spell...

it's a form of madness....

it's all consuming....

and it's mostly based in fantasy

but mainly it's a chemical attraction..

yes, bodily harm is not an option...

[Tagger]

Tough one Flap ... Hope she doesn't marry the bum .. bullying women crosses the line big time in my book ... Lets take him fishing ..

[WoodyCT]

and I dread the day I have to deal with this kind of crap.

Perhaps some reverse psychology?? Maybe if you befriend him, you know, buddy buddy let's go fishing/play hoops/talk about the Sox, you will break the spell she is under. Not many of my ex-girlfriends liked it when dad and I connected on fishing!

Let us know what works for you.

Woody

[Tagger]

re-read that ... thought you said "he does treat her badly" .. .. Maybe try to see what she see's in him .. After about 2 yrs. the little hearts in the eyes are gone .. hang in there ..

[gone fishin]

Flap - I feel for you, I had three girls and know the problem. Just stay in communication with the daughter, don't stop talking - remember she loves you more than the bum and she will eventually come around.

[Jenn]

HA! Having been the daughter I can tell you the spell is great and you likely will not break it. However if you TRY you will probably only upset her sending her further into the spell.....

Your best bet is to keep talking to her but carefully ....and after the "love dust" settles things become clearer...

[justplugit]

Say and do NOTHING.

[Squid kids Dad]

You have to let the relationship take its course.If you do something you are only going to alienate your daughter..Been there done that..

[stiff tip]

the only way is to cut your throat....i feel for ya , as a dad its sucks. i have no advice for you, but listen to jenn . sounds like she 's been through it.....

[fishbones]

Take him out, get him drunk and rent him a hooker. Then, take a picture and send it to your daughter. She'll be devastated for a while, but she's probably better off without the guy and she'll get over it.

[saltfly]

remind her of the trip to Wally-Mart.If she blows off school then a cashiers job is in her future.Maybe a day fishin with your daughter would help.

[Nebe]

Flap, next time he is over at your casa, toss a pair of thong underwear in the back seat of his car.. maybe an empty condom wrapper as a 'condomment".... just before they go somewhere

[OLD GOAT]

We have a bunch of girls and have had to play it both ways. Try speaking like a gentlman and if that doesen,t work you can chase him down with my club.

[The Dad Fisherman]

Originally Posted by Flaptail

Any suggestions? He sucks.

Does he really suck....or are you having an issue that for years you were her Sage and now she is listening to another man in her life.

Trust me I'm not looking forward to dealing with this when my daughter gets older, but try and talk to the boyfriend.....civily and ask him if he can help you out and try and keep her mind on getting through college. try and work with them instead of against them.

and if he says no then introduce his forehead to the wall

[BrianS]

My sister has an ex-boyfriend who hasnt gotten the hint yet... (partially her fault - she likes to "fix" people)

The first night I met him, he seemed like a pretty rockin dude. He was trying to really chum up to me and part of the conversation was me saying to him he was already better than the last few boyfriends because he had a job...... My sister came up with me on the next beer run and said I had upset him because apparantley he was fired that very day.... FUNNY!... but he was still a nice guy so I gave him 3 months... He also seemed like he "got it" and wanted to work.

I took him fishing twice... The first time, it was just kinda scouting.. so I didnt care.... The second time... well right then and there it was pretty obvious to me it wasnt going happen again... He failed my fishing test big time.. I wanted to beat him with my boga and sell him to the cambodians at the stone bridge for tautog bait. Just way too immature.... but still he seemed to treat my sister right...

Then came my sisters 30th birthday...I asked him the simple question of what he got her.. He was basically living with her, was calling her his "wife" so I thought it was an honest question.. He got SO pissed... that he got in a fight with my sister about it and almost broke up... We paid for my sister to go to dinner.. She had to pay for him and didnt get her anything...

At about the 2.5 month point.. my sister started having some reservations about him... I hadnt said a word.. If she was happy it was her business... But she opened up the can of worms, so I definitely let her know what I thought.. Regardless of how the guy treated her, the guy wasnt working.. didnt want to work.. didnt want help finding work.. turned down almost a guaranteed thing at verizon.. etc... I told her it was time to move on

She did.. he cried.. he is a HUGE internet whiner.. I wish his myspace page was public... its really a hoot to see his whines...

Then he called me out.. basically said I was nosey and shouldnt put my nose where it didnt belong.. That he was nothing but respectful to my sister and I had no idea what was going on... Wow was he right... it seems between the hours he put into my mothers garden to kiss ass and the hours he spent not working.... He spent all the remaining time constantly trying to pressure my sister into doing some very naughty things...

So now I am not happy... He knows I am not happy but doesnt know I know the latest details...

So... maybe we can work something out here.... a little trade of solutions?

[eastendlu]

I'm in the same boat Flap you just have to weather the storm.

[Jimbo]

This post could have been mine and from what I read a few others. Daughter graduated high school just last week. Sunday my wife was waiting for her to come home from work to go out to central PA for orientation at a nice small school. Daughter shows up and says she isn't going away to college because she's staying home to be with her boyfriend and then leaves to go sit while he hands out ice cream. This after my wife bent over backwards to get her a decent financial aid package and some pretty good government loans in additionb to what we're also paying. Anyway, the bf isn't a bad kid, but has her wrapped around his little finger and I'm pretty sure pushing her on this. She's the first child and her mother and I spoiled her, so she's also used to getting her way, so that probably doesn't help. She was gung ho on the college from day one and now comes up with every imaginable excuse. As of today, she doesn't want to go, but is going to honor her committment for a year, anyway. She just casn't see the tremendous opportunity she's being given. My wife's popping her anxiety pills like Pez.

[Hooper]

Originally Posted by Nebe

Flap, next time he is over at your casa, toss a pair of thong underwear in the back seat of his car.. maybe an empty condom wrapper as a 'condomment".... just before they go somewhere

Now that isn't a bad idea Nebe! Simple, highly effective, aviods prison....not bad at all!

[RIJIMMY]

Flap - read this book, soon!

http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers...4584953&sr=8-1

You wont agree with it all but you'll get a lot out of it. Remember, you were the first man in her life, and she'll look to you all through her life even though you dont think so. Take charge.

[RIJIMMY]

just read a lot of the responses above, I think many of you should read this book too. Its written by a woman peditrician who spent years counsleing kids with issues. No what the common thread was? Parents who thought they should do nothing, Parents who thought there kids will work it out, Parents who thought there kids were old enough.
We;ve become so PC that itws wrong to be a strong Dad.
Flap - I seldom give advice on this site and save my posts for stupid remarks, but here goes.
Take your daughter to a private spot, beach or something, tell her how you feel, tell her if you beleive she is losing focus and tell her YOU WILL NOT ALLOW IT. You are a man, the biggest authority figure in her life since the day she was born, she has looked up to you. She hasnt changed, shes just processing a lot of info shes not mature enough to process. Take control.

[Duke41]

Just tell her he is a bum and to move on. She will get over it.

[Jimbo]

RIJ, that last sentence says it all. "processing a lot of information she's not mature enough to process." Daughter number 1 has always been pretty independent and at times to get her own way, stubborn and argumentative. Never asked for help with school work and always got it done and got good grades. Never got into trouble. Around junior and senior year kids start experiencing things as an adult. Responsibilities for a car, job, sex (I hate to include that one but is true, let's face it), and the future are all fairly heavy duty for a kid. I think mine saw the writing on the wall, and it said, "You're going away and Mommy and Daddy aren't going to do for you any more, you need to do for you. You're pretty much responsible for you from now on." And by thinking she could blow off this college thing and live life like she has for a past years, she'd remain that kid who lives with us, gets her laundry done, raids the fridge... Good news is I think she's accepting the reality of things and maybe even that there might be someone out there better than the guy she settled for in high school (small school, not a lot to pick from).

[nightfighter]

Originally Posted by eastendlu

I'm in the same boat Flap you just have to weather the storm.

Same crap with my 15 year old. Choices get consequences here in my house...but they are not always carried out at her mother's house. Even after she threw a party, and the house was subsequently robbed. (Ex's, not mine) She's in the middle of a two week stay at a camp in Maine right now. We're hoping she gets her "voice" back and uses the break to find herself, without the BF, school, and her girlfriends. (On a good day, high school girls are the worst creatures on the planet....) My first letter to her outlined how when she comes home, she and I are sitting down and deciding the course for the rest of the summer, which will include Sylvan Learning Center, to get her a jump on next year's studies. I did preface the letter by stating how lucky she was to have this opportunity (camp) and that I loved her and looked forward to her return.
Steve, you are blessed with the written word. Maybe try a letter to her?

[Tagger]

mother and father in law thought I was a looser.. that was 36 yrs. ago.. Old man was my best friend,,even fished the canal with me ,. mother in law always good to me and visa versa.. .. time will tell .. don't get an ulser ..

[Backbeach Jake]

My Sister had a boyfriend that her four brothers nicknamed "Weasel" . He didn't last long, we were on him like mental pitbulls. Never laid a hand on him, just messed with his head. "Got the quick lime, Bob?" " Yeah, where were you when it was time to load it Fred? " "Buying buckshot." " Pat, get that hole dug?" " No I got Jim to do it." " OH. hi Wease, how's it going? Look, I'm sorry but your motor bike hit a tree"....

[Swimmer]

Make sure when you hear the sirens that whoever is tuning him up stops. Misdmeanors are only arrestable when observed.

Take him "chumming"!

[Joe]

If she's going away to school - do nothing. In 10 weeks she'll have a host of boyfriends, only you won't see it - so it will be ok. The odds of her townie boyfriend lasting through September are nil.
Or, do your best to break them up, enlist some hitmen, etc, nothing like a Shakespearean tragedy to brighten one's summer.