J-O-T-D

[JohnR]

This is pretty good - Not sure how true but...


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions> recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

["uffah!!"]

You gotta love Robin Williams......
Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin
Williams to come up with the perfect
plan. What we need now is for our
UN Ambassador to stand up and
repeat this message.
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to
argue with this logic!)
"I see a lot of people yelling for peace
but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So, here' s one plan."
1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their
affairs, past &present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo,
Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we
will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with
Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines They don't want
us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking
through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and
leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will
be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they
are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days
unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be
allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide
here. Asylum would never be available
to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers. < /FONT>
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If
they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing
nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of
oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while .

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for
their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go
somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells
filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will
not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain,
cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen
or given
to the army. The people who need
it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need
the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make
a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can
call us "Ugly Americans" an y longer. The Language we speak is
ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a
baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
If you agree with the above forward
it to friends...If not, and I would be amazed, DELETE it!!


No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.446 / Virus Database: 268.18.12/724 - Release Date: 3/16/2007
12:12 PM

[JohnR]

I like this rant - (certainly not a good solution) - though it is not exactly from Robin Williams' mouth http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/williams.asp

The vast majority of these emails circulated are incorrectly / falesly attributed whether or not you agree with the spirit of the rant

[RIJIMMY]

JR-that was hilarious