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How to Win an Argument
Be attentive to the reasons someone might disagree with you,” says Fanele Mashwama, whose two-person team won the World Universities Debating Championship in 2016. It isn’t enough, in other words, to dwell only on the strengths of your own position. Accept that an issue like whether to increase the minimum wage, for example, can have strong reasons on both sides. “I could give very good considerations in favor of my side of the policy,” Mashwama says, “but those might not be relevant in light of the actual reasons my opponent has an opposing opinion.” This is common on social media, he adds; too often, people aren’t listening to one another. So rather than lead with your strongest arguments, start by interrogating those of your adversary.
Establish a common set of foundational terms as quickly as possible. If you and your opponent can’t agree on some basic points — that the earth revolves around the sun, for instance — you will be less likely to come to a mutual understanding. But acknowledge the limitations of your position. “This is critical,” Mashwama says, “because sounding dogmatic detracts from your credibility,” which can make your opponent less likely to engage.
When it’s time to make your own argument, clarity is crucial. It’s easy to talk, Mashwama says, but listening is much harder, so anticipate at least some miscommunication. “You can’t be persuasive if the other person doesn’t understand you,” he says. But avoid flooding the other side with facts: They can overwhelm decision making. Ultimately, you don’t really convince people — people convince themselves. You just give them the means to do that.
Mirroring an opponent’s stance, keeping eye contact and lowering your voice have been shown to improve your potency. But the most important stance to take can be accepting when an argument doesn’t need to be had. Sometimes making yourself heard — explaining a grievance to a partner, say — as a matter of principle matters more than persuading an opponent to take your side. “There are tons of arguments to be had,” Mashwama says, “but not all of them are worth having, even if you think you’re correct.”
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