In the words of Vito Corleone.
"A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man"
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I think a lot of guys are delusional about what they have the capacity to do, if you are spending a lot of time away from your family for fishing or work, or whatever, don't be surprised when you wife has had enough and your kids can barely relate to you.
It's been said a million times, everything in moderation, nothing good can come of sheer obsession at the expense of everyone else, you will always end up lonely, maybe some of you are OK with that though, it just isn't what I want out of life. So what's the end game, you have a bunch of 50s, people on the internet love you, but no one else does!

I am in 32 years!She use to complain then we had kids to keep her busy, Then the kids started to fish with me and it was a losing battle on her end LOL When I got into boating it was a new issue all about the money, So I just made as much as I could and she was happy. When it did get tuff i just say i sleep, eat, work, and fish! i am not drinking, whoring, or drugs, i am fishing!! but i could do the other things if thast would make her happy!
in return i never said anything about her going out with friends or family, she could go anytime day or night, but same for me!
Now we are alone kids grown and gone, if you said joe you want to fish tonight, I say yes, in the morning i wake up and say I am leaving to go fishing with?? she say ok when you coming home, I say you know when I go fishing I don't go by a clock so I be here when ever. bye

It works for me

Yeah,
Mine has always pretty much let me do what ever I want, as long as I didn't come back home hammered.

I stopped getting hammered. Lots of other things worked out then, to boot.

Seriously, you have to find the right kind of significant other and the rest sometimes works out for the best!

I'll respond in all seriousness:

You need to make her feel like you think she holds a higher place than fishing. Make sure she feels loved and you should be good to go. I feel like this naturally leads to fishing less hardcore, but I find it worth it when we do other things together. If you don't do things together when you aren't fishing (sitting around and watching TV doesn't count) then she is going to constantly think in the back of her head, "He puts all the EFFORT into fishing, and just takes me for granted." Its a tough balance, because fish are trying NOT to spend time with you, she is doing the opposite, so you naturally concentrate on preparing for the fish more than the woman.

At the same time you need to establish early the line between the time you spend doing whatever you need to in your spare time and the time you spend with her. Even in a marriage situation you need "you" time, and making that clear in a respectful manner is important.

Sarah sat me down a couple years into our dating relationship and read me the riot act, told me I was obsessed, etc. I thought about it for a couple days and realized she was right... and I do a much better job of balancing things than I used to.

"Finding the right woman" is great advice, but even the best one won't tolerate feeling like a second wheel to a hobby, unless its pulling in big $$.

Compromise man. I fished all morning. Now I'm at the winery. (She's in the bathroom).
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When the young ones ask me for advice on women, ( good luck with that )
I say, women deal more with emotion and men with twisted logic.
Emotion always trumps the way we think.
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It is about the right woman ... in my early to mid 20s, I dated a woman who I thought was "the one," but she used to say (or whine) to me that there was not enough room in my heart for her and fishing ... we talked about it and eventually agreed to part ways ... should I have compromised more ... possibly, but her attitude was all or nothing, at anytime of day ... so it was pretty constrictive ...

... while there were a string of women between that earlier woman and the woman who mothered my daughter ... now my ex ... when we connected, ... at the beginning she encouraged me to go fishing and enjoy myself ... it was an excellent relationship and one that I had not had much experience with ... she would let me sleep in, make me breakfast and coffee in bed, give me a massage ... so I was on top of the world ... but I was also somewhat selfish and immature ... and things started to change ... no longer did she let me sleep in after a long night of fishing and make me breakfast and coffee ... I had to be up at 6 or 7 to help with our little girl, and things around the house, she would call me while on trips such as at Cutty or one of the Tri-State tournaments ... and there was always some kind of emergency ... yet, when I rushed home, there was no issue ... so when she said she wanted to fly, I asked her what airline (I was upset and pissed) but my relationship with my daughter is a thousand times better than it was when we were a whole family ...

... and today, I always defer to my daughter over fishing, as the time with her is far superior ... regardless of how much I love to fish, I'd rather be awake and present for my daughter during the day (and it's hard to go fishing when she is asleep and no one else is home - so it's not an option or a consideration) ... as when I fish all night, and don't sleep during the day, I am a zombie, held up by coffee and I am not serving my daughter's best interest ... so I always select quality time with her over fishing ... I think TDF helped to school me in that philosophy somewhat, and it has been on target for me.

I am celebrating my 1 year anivesary in oct. I don't think i fish as much as some people on this site but my wife still thinks it is obsessive. I also hunt as obsessively as I fish, maybe even more. She is mostly fine with it but there are times when I give in and skip a night of fishing or a hunt. But that being said my one piece of advice is to tell her before you get serious that you are a fisherman. You will always be a fisherman, and you have been fishing long before you met her. It needs to be up front how important it is for you to fish, and she needs to know what it means up front to be fisherman. it is also most important that she knows, ( or thinks) she is number 1. The right women will never tell you, you can't fish. The right women ( and they are out there), may not like your obsessive behavior, but will recognize your primal instincts and support you. My condolences to you on your break up, but just think of all the strange @&$$y you will be getting I between fishing trips. :) just saying, the cup is half full. So good luck, that being said you are probably at the canal right now and I am going to go spoon and watch sex in The city
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Great post till the end......FAIL!

Been with mine for a little over 3 years now. When i first met her we had coffee and i said i must warn you i am an addict. To which she replied what are you addicted to. I said fishing! She replied i dont get it. I said i get cold sweats, cranky, cant sleep if i dont fish i come and go all hours of the night, but the more of a fix i get the happier i am... she laughed out loud and said ok. We have been together ever since, most night / mornings she has some packed for me to take will get and make me some food or when i was drinking coffe she would have it made. Never once complained i was fishing too much, but at the same time respecting the relationship agreement, i woukd make sure we had some time together. (Rain high winds non fishable days of course)


Oh and if you ever feel you have to work @ a relationship, GET OUT RIGHT AWAY! I am also a workaholic too...


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Jack Bass Has it. It's like a bank account. Too many withdrawals with no deposits and it goes bust.

In my first marriage I know I could have been a better husband and father had I not been so obsessed with fishing. It wasn't the sole reason for the divorce but it did play a big part. I've come to understand that life is about relationships and balance. Without realizing it many fisherman are trying to fill that void thinking that the next catch will bring lasting contentment,, meanwhile his family who enables him and even cheers him on at times are feeling the real void of not having a husband and father around, when he is around he's on short sleep and thinking how to manage his income so that it fits to his needs.

I do not want to be know as the guy who puts his so called passion of fishing at the top of the list second to his wife and kids and family. Hate to say it but been there done that. Thats sad pretend life. If you decide that fish are your God then you will as such.

Its Saturday morning, cloudy and fishy as hell, my wife who luvs fishing is gone for the day and Im in no rush to stick lip,, fishing now is just a vehicle to build relationships.

Luv what you said Rockport

:love: You got it!

From a womans point of view (yes we are far more emotional as a whole) I married my husband becauseI love him and we enjoyed many of the same types of things and we get to do them TOGETHER. We enjoy each others company and actually want to share life's experiences together. Sure there are limits to this for example I can spend an hour propped up against a tree waiting for a turkey but 4 hours? Hell no, thats his thing. Does he like fishing? yes but not like I do and thats ok. We have learned to compromise a little better over the years too. I used to get irritated if I wanted to go fishing and he didnt. Then I just decided to ask him if he wanted to go and if he didnt I would say "do you mind if I go?" he would always say "not at all" and I would thank him and off I went. I think we get along so well because we share a mutual respect for each other. Whenever we do something without each other we always ask "honey do you mind"? most times the answer is "sure" and sometimes the answer is "well I prefer you didnt" but never is the answer "no you cant".

There are a lot of factors that I think play a role in it. Maybe you never picked the right person in the first place, maybe you did but you were a jackass, maybe your spouse was being a jackass but one thing I am pretty sure of is if your both not in it "together" and dont feel like your a team that needs to support each other (goes both ways ya know) than you might as well forgot it. I often wonder why a man will ask a woman to marry him and then bitch about how he has to get away from his ol' lady. If thats TRULY how you feel than hire a friggin maid and be a batchelor the rest of your life!

Bottom line is and everyone here should agree with me on this, that you become a better fisherman or woman by putting the time in right? Well, relationships are no different!

....aaaaaannnnd with that being said he just came in with a rediculous pairing of shirt and pants. We are going to a party not a 10 day mountaineering expedition! Sheesh! He mumbles, I mumble tell him to wear whatever he wants dammit!

He just changed :) :love: Order restored!


True story.:biglaugh:

You gotta know my wife. She's put up with me for almost 46 year and she still doesn't like my "casual attire".:rotf2:

I have been married 22 years my wife has been great about fishing. She is not a huge fan of all the fishing related purchases fishing related purchases, when you already have a basement full of fishing stuff. I usually go early. Alot of times when I get back the kids are still sleeping. Teenagers can sleep in pretty late. She also does not mind other hobbies I do golf, biking, skiing. My son and have have done quite a few hikes in the White Mountains and Maine. I like doing different things, so it is not fishing all of the time.

I am knowingly and admittedly NOT a fashionista myself so when I recongize a bad match I know it has to be really bad by most people's standards :)

I have to say I felt really bad for saying something ti him about it after my whole "reflection" on respecting and compromising. As they say timing is everything right?

Jenn , speaks :love:

thau shalt not listen ........Oh already did that :devil2:

no comment of this tread .................55 years of consuling because of it :smash:

Boy thats sounds familiar. Too funny
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Lots of words of wisdom here. Thank you everyone.

GG

Don't leave now honey;all the plants will die...

I'll bite and jump in the circle of fishermen's therapy group.

Fishing has been a passion of mine since I've been able to walk,
with that being said...

I've been married for eighteen years and have two kids,my wife and I both work and try to manage life's relentless curve balls.
It has been a constant struggle of balance,time management, funds, catering to the kids with sports,music and what ever eles they can come up with, but most importantly quality time with my wife.

I'm not clear voyant but I get it!

Being a father,husband,friend, partner in crime, either way I committed myself to this and will not retreat,retreat hell!

It's to easy to do the wrong thing and give up, life is to fragile.

Relationships are similar to fishing,I look at it as being able to read the water, and same applies to relationships...

I consider my self lucky to be alive and fortunate enough making it this far in life with what I have and what I've been able to accomplish on and off the water.
The fish will always be there,so I go when the timing is right.

Tight lines!
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Just broke up with my girlfriend of about a year and a half. I could get into a bunch of reasons why this happened, but just about everything people have said here couldnt be said any better. A lot of the things about balance, and not having your relationship be your hobbie rang very true with me. But in so many words, nikos post wins

:rotf2: Post of the year candidate

I think it helps to have some kind of agreed upon schedule at the outset of the relationship. We agreed to one full day a month, plus
a few short local trips on weekends a few years ago, and that seemed to work. (When I was single, I was out most weekends, often both days).

Also helps to sneak in trips in good locations when you're out of town. Or, if all else fails, you can just fake it. Took a day off a few years ago where I dressed for work, drove to Rhode Island, changed to fishing clothes, fished the whole day, came back, changed back into my dress shirt and pants, and walked into the door like nothing
had happened (some sunblock was useful too!).:wave: Hey, whatever works!

You better hope she doesn't read this.:love:

I am on my second marriage my first one failed for many reasons my self centered hobbie didn't help but she was understanding of it and even relocated so I wouldn't have to drive far to fish. I do fish less in this relationship now then before but that bc iam older and my body can't hang with my old ways. Every girl is different and you'll have to find a way to keep them happy as well. My new wife lets me fish as much as I want as long as I pay my "fishing taxes" as we call it now. If a good set of tides are coming up she can usually tell. Lol
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I've been fishing less and less. She doesn't seem to like me any more than she did when I was gone all the time. :tooth:

My second wife likes when I fish but doesn't understand when I show up without dinner. To her the act of fishing is very closely linked to food. Pure sport fishing she can't quite wrap her head around. Her parents are from the Azores. I think eating fish is simply encoded in the DNA of island people.

So now I spearfish--it's fun and a very good way to harvest protein from the ocean.

Hello everyone. It's been a few years since I've posted.

John

Great article in this months OTW on swordfish. That was you, right John?

Thanks Paul. Yes it was. I'm glad you liked it.