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this is the funniest story i have ever heard..taken from another site-
Originally posted by TODD M.:
Back in July this year. Too much to drink the night before, and bad food. I'm driving from Weekapaug headed to Quonny. I get to the light and the gut starts talking to me REAL LOUD. Now I'm debating...go straight and hit the Mobil or take the right and hit the potta-potties ( if any of you listen to Howie Carr you know the reference )I go right. About 10 seconds down the road my A-hole is screaming at me, should of gone straight. There are about 5 vehicles behind me. I'm sweatin it as my butt hole is clenched as tight as possible but the fist in my stomach is doin' its damndest to push out the foul mixture. I look in the back of the van. I don't have a googan bucket ( bad, very bad ) no where to pull over and dump. I look back again and see my eel cooler ( soft six pack cooler ) of course it has a 1/2 dz. eels in it w/ ice. next to the cot. Decision is now be'in made for me. Thank God I didn't have my neo's on. I practically power slide over to the side of the road and bail into the back. Drop trough as I am unzipping the cooler. Of course I forgot to slam it into park so the van starts mvoing the same time as my bowels. I just reached over and bang it into neutral for the time being " Ka Thunk " ( no, not my A hole the tranny ). I grab hold of the cooler and don't even get to a squat and projectile crapping has commenced. Well let's just say the eels became pretty active suddenly and that cooler was filling up too quick. I look out the back of the van windows and who's sitting there? Yep, Charlestowns finest. He walks up to the drivers window and the smell must have been the trigger. I'm looking through the side window at him and he probably an only see my siloutte ( tinted ). He asks " is everything OKAY in there? I'm sh!ttin my pants both ways! I reply I needed a sudden restroom break and that currently the back of my van is Rhode Islands newest Porta Potty. He kinda chuckels and walks over to the side where the sliding door is. I crack the sliding door and he pulls it back about a foot and looks in. Now he can see the cooler.
Now the funny part... The eels are squirming around in the plastic bag under this pile of ... and his eyes are like... OH MY GOD. He turns around gagging. Now I'm laughing and crapping at the same time. He walked back to his patrol car and pulled away. I kid you not. He must have thought I just gave birth to the spawn of Satan. I grabbed a roll of TP I always have in the van and proceed to finish up. That was one of the best Sh!ts I have ever had regarding relief. I laughed quite a bit on my way to Quonny thinking... what would the ticket have been for?
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