ladies! - Striper Talk Striped Bass Fishing, Surfcasting, Boating

luds · 10-13-2006, 05:06 PM

This topic doesn't get much discussion but I could use a little help with it. I have definately pushed it with my gf a little this season. She hasn't been to happy with the amount I've fished lately and after 3 years we are definately closed to a turning point in our relationship.

Hoping some of you could share some best practices and maybe even some regrets in regards to how you balance fishing with your relationships.

Not looking for anything too personal. Just some ideas. I'd be particularly curious to know how some of you guys that get close to 100 nights a year pull it off.

-Luds

Clogston29 · 10-13-2006, 05:18 PM

damn, i thought this was the start of a new hottie thread

tattoobob · 10-13-2006, 05:19 PM

Mike it is give and take, I promise to do what ever she needs and she lets me do what I want, (to a point) we go thru the crying game from time to time but she gets over it. she knows what makes me happy and less grumpy. Remember talk it out and make sure you listen to her and try to understand what she feels about it but also remind her your not in a bar or a crack house and it could be alot worse

UserRemoved1 · 10-13-2006, 05:24 PM

Wear the pants in your house. lol

slapshot · 10-13-2006, 05:25 PM

I have been with my wife for 4 years now, 2 of them married. We have an 8 month old daughter. I sit down with her in the spring and show her on the calendar when I'll be fishing. I skip the spring schoolies, and slack off in the summer doldrums, and no winter twinkie holdovers. But when there is a good chance at a hog in the spring and the fall, and there is a good tide she knows I will be fishing. I don't fish 100 nights anymore. Probably more like 50, but I know that my chances at a good fish during those nights is best.

When I get home, if the night sucked or I am dead tired, I don't show it. I am happy to be home, and I let her know that I had a great time fishing.

As my career and other responsibilities have grown, I have come to appreciate my time with my family and my fishing time more. I think I used to just take it all for granted.

Clammer · 10-13-2006, 05:37 PM

Ya really want me to start ><><><????

fishsmith · 10-13-2006, 06:00 PM

tell her "nothing brings us closer together than time apart"

if she buys that, have her give my wife a call and talk her into it.

luds · 10-13-2006, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clammer

Ya really want me to start ><><><????

afterhours · 10-13-2006, 07:34 PM

if she does'nt have a hobby- get her one.

capesams · 10-13-2006, 07:56 PM

stay at home til she hits the hay...with my wife it was 9.30...then I was off like a shot.....then be home before she wake's up... but you better make sure your smellin like fish if she's get's up before you get home.

luds · 10-13-2006, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afterhours

if she does'nt have a hobby- get her one.

workin on it.

Canalman · 10-20-2006, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afterhours

if she does'nt have a hobby- get her one.

HA! that's impossible

tynan19 · 10-13-2006, 09:53 PM

I have two little ones 3 and 8mo. Since our second one is so young I have really taken it easy this year. My wife knows how much fishing means to me and is very supportive. I know what she needs and I support that. What I do is just give her a heads up. If I want to go on Sunday I let her know ahead of time so she is aware.
But to go to places like MV for a week, bribes work well. This year she got a new care with a little help. 2 day trips cost a haircut or a day to herself.

Our only problem is she loves to be out there with me. She loves the leggs and the get togethers. We need to come to a compramise of what we can do together and separate.

The Dad Fisherman · 10-13-2006, 10:42 PM

My wife usually lets me go whenever I want for the most part from May 1st until Oct. 31st (she actually talked me into that 2nd Cutty weekend). After that I pretty much give her the same courtesy and hang the gear up from Nov. 1st through Apr. 30th....that way I get 6 months and she gets 6 months. seems to work out OK.

But anthing involving the Kids always takes precedence (i.e. Scouts, Dance)

Another trick is to pick a few nights that really aren't conducive to fishing and then SAY that you ARE going fishing......Then, when the day gets here, make like you are gonna skip fishing to spend some time with her, you know, let her know that your thinking of her.

Raider Ronnie · 10-14-2006, 04:27 AM

Have you tried to get her to go fishing with you?

luds · 10-14-2006, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raider Ronnie

Have you tried to get her to go fishing with you?

I've taken her out a couple times. She enjoys it but doesn't love it.

Saltheart · 10-16-2006, 10:33 AM

Set one night as "your night to go fishing" each week. That's 1. then be flexible and when there appears to be nothing on the homefront or she has something planned , ask her about going. that's 2 nights a week. then just sneak out one day per week. that's 3 days a week , only one of which she should be pissed about and that's a 67% improvement. What the heck , 67% improvement should please any reasonable woman.

The Dad Fisherman · 10-16-2006, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saltheart

any reasonable woman.

There in lies the problem.....That's an Oxymoron if ever I heard one.

Swimmer · 10-19-2006, 06:06 PM

Hey #^&#^&#^&#^&#^&#^&, ask Leslie if she would consent to her genes being cloned? It to late for me and most of the guys here, but if we could have more Leslies for the next generation that would be cool.

luds · 10-16-2006, 10:45 AM

I've negotiated clearance for 3 nights each week. 2 week nights and one weekend. She also understands if there seem to be big fish around in good numbers that I might get out another night or two. The reverse is true too. If she's got stuff she wants to do then I may have to sacrifice some nights.

Flaptail · 10-16-2006, 10:54 AM

I set one day each weekend to spend with her, regardless of how good the fishing is. If the calls are coming in fast and thick with reports that indicate it's better than usual she relents and let's me go.

Like Capesams, I go after she is tucked away for the night. I always said the best thing about being a striper fishinerman is that most often it's better in the wee hours of darkness. So it works.

She understands, to a point, my addiction. Marriage is a two way street. If it's all one way, for one or the other, it's doomed. Some guys I know do get thier way more than their spouse but those women are weak in my eyes and though they are my friends, I sometimes feel they have a childish attitude and really don't appreciate how good a mate they have. Some women have the old world attitude towards their man which translates into them keeping their mouth shut and getting walked all over. I could not live with a women who does not and will not speak her mind when she wants to for fear it will upset the balance ( or lack of in most cases) in the home. That is stupid way to live.

I actually enjoy doing things with my wife except the mall gig and waiting while she shops but she knows this and would rather go alone anyways as she feels I am getting impatient most times.

Sometimes I over do it and get called in on the carpet and wish I copuld fish all the time like some of the supposed heavy hitters. But if you look deeply into it most of those guys live lonely lives and have taken to drugs or alcohol to make up for the times when they are off the boat or beach and there is no one to care for you or for you to care for, no calls to make sure your alright if a little late or come home to a warm house.

My wife doesn't fish. Has no interest in it. That's okay because I need time with my friends and she understands that. She knows where I am and what I am doing and knows it's better than a lot of other options. On our Honeymoon we came to the Cape for three weeks, during the middle of the second week I left her at the rented cottage and hit the beach overnight. When I arrived back the morning she was there cooking breakfast for me, I knew she was a keeper then.

luds · 10-16-2006, 11:05 AM

[QUOTE=Flaptail;424865] I could not live with a women who does not and will not speak her mind when she wants to for fear it will upset the balance ( or lack of in most cases) in the home. [QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more with that comment. I was hoping I would get some creative ideas out of this thread but it's really just confirmed that I need to do a better job of focusing on making her happy. She pretty supportive as it is.

I'm starting to realize that buying her something rather another 5 or so plugs can go a long way. Only child habits are difficult to break.

nightfighter · 10-29-2006, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luds48

I'm starting to realize that buying her something rather another 5 or so plugs can go a long way.

Exactly, so I see a lathe and an airbrush under her Christmas tree?!?!?

Joe · 10-30-2006, 08:07 AM

It's only a question if your're prepared to entertain all options. My experience has been that people see the writing on the wall and go forward anyway. Her lack of support of your fishing is only going to get worse.

I'm happily married but I would not get married again. I'm not too fond of having to tell someone where I'm going and what I'm doing.

People who gravitate toward surfcasting tend to be loners who don't find their relationships as rewarding as normal people do. There's a little bit of the serial killer in every good fisherman.

Canalman · 10-30-2006, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe

It's only a question if your're prepared to entertain all options. My experience has been that people see the writing on the wall and go forward anyway. Her lack of support of your fishing is only going to get worse.

I'm happily married but I would not get married again. I'm not too fond of having to tell someone where I'm going and what I'm doing.

People who gravitate toward surfcasting tend to be loners who don't find their relationships as rewarding as normal people do. There's a little bit of the serial killer in every good fisherman.

YIKES! That was uplifting.. sounds like a marital problem not a fishing problem

fishpoopoo · 10-30-2006, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe

People who gravitate toward surfcasting tend to be loners who don't find their relationships as rewarding as normal people do. There's a little bit of the serial killer in every good fisherman.

JohnR · 10-30-2006, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe

People who gravitate toward surfcasting tend to be loners who don't find their relationships as rewarding as normal people do.

How about that some people go through the motions of life and too few are fortunate to find that holy grail of inner peace and satisfaction that good old fashioned surfcasting can bring

Many people find that wonderful thing that as an individual touches our soul. I find fishing to do that, being on the water, and good commaraderie - they all bring that inner peace. Fishing can compliment the peace and joy that a good relationship brings.

Besides - it's far better than being in the bars

Quote:

There's a little bit of the serial killer in every good fisherman.

That's classic

BTW - Nice post Les

MrHunters · 10-14-2006, 05:50 AM

i just say it could be worse.... i could have a strip club hobby!

no, in all serisousness thats what she says to me. she realizes fishing is a relativly harmless pass time so i get to do it without too much grief.

nightfighter · 10-14-2006, 06:07 AM

Have her call me...... It took me losing house, retirement, changing career, all due to divorce to find striper fishing as my solice.... but I am not in my 20's anymore either Mike. I'll be 50 next year, so I am becoming selfish. You will have to give up almost complete seasons when kids, etc first show up. Assure yourself, and her, you will pay those dues... but right now it's the fall run, so we can talk about this later? Cause I gotta go fish!

Dude, it also helps to decide to live in a town you would fish on a daily basis. I can have a line wet in five minutes, literally. Unbelievable advantage.

BigFish · 10-14-2006, 06:25 AM

When I met Angie, my fiance', I had been fishing pretty hard for about 2 years and was a full blown addict. I had been through a divorce already and learned 1 important thing from it......that life is short and if you cannot enjoy the things that you are passionate about and the person you are with cannot be supportive of that.....then they are not the one for you. That is not to say that you just go fishing and say to your wife/girlfriend..."screw you I am going whether you like it or not"! As others have said it is give and take. I told Angie one thing when I met her...."I Fish"! "I fish alot and when I want and when it gets to a point where my going fishing is not fun anymore because she is making me miserable about going.....one or the other will be gone and it will never be fishing"! That is a true story and Angie has been wonderful about supporting me in what I love to do. She had never fished a day in her life before she met me and she now loves fishing for anything....she has a 10 pound largemouth to her credit, a 21 pound striper from the surf on a pencil popper that she won Womens Top Surf Division honors with in our fishing club, she has fished at night a few times and yes...even slung eels a few times.....she really enjoys going fishing when ever she can. Try to get your wife/girlfriend involved and if that does not happen then as others have said....it is a give and take. I have been fishing my butt off lately (and all season) and the week after next I am taking Angie away to New Hampshire to a nice Inn that is five stars and the trip is all about her.....fancy dinners and shopping and just basically making her feel good and special....which she is! We do this trip spring and fall and I always spoil Angie rotten and make her feel special and that she matters and that I am supportive of her in what her interests are. We will only be gone 3 nights (good fishing nights by the way) but I will be fishing my a$$ off all this week and when we get back!!!

Bottom line is...you are dead a long time! You must enjoy life to the fullest while you can! Try to make compromises when ever possible but if that does not work and you can't find equal ground.....find yourself a "Fishchick" like mine!!