Yankee to Red Sox fan conversion form

[CSK]

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Let the healing begin:

NEW YORK YANKEES TO BOSTON RED SOX CONVERSION FORM


Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of the Boston Red Sox Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan conversion registrations for New York Yankee fans. Conversion requests from other teams will be accepted once all Yankee requests are processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based on the current backlog of requests.

Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion form below to help us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover from your previous fan experience.

Name: _______________________________

Address:______________________________

Who's Your Daddy: ____________________

1. Please select your favorite recent Yankee new player acquisition:

[ ] "Flush" Gordan
[ ] "A-Bomb" Rodriquez
[ ] "Grand Slam" Vazquez
[ ] Kevin "Charlie" Brown

2. Which of the following would you most like to see as the most played YES Network film clip in 2005:

[ ] Rivera's blown save in Game 4
[ ] The Red Sox championship celebration on the pitcher's mound in Yankee stadium
[ ] Rivera's blown save in Game 5
[ ] The Red Sox spraying celebratory champagne on their fans in Yankee Monument Park
[ ] Vasquez's grand slam home run pitch to Johnny Damon in Game 7
[ ] The Red Sox celebrating in their Yankee Stadium locker room
[ ] Vaquez's second home run pitch to Johnny Damon in Game 7
[ ] David Ortiz being awarded the MVP trophy at Yankees Stadium
[ ] Mark Bellhorn's winning home run in Game 6
[ ] A-Rod crying in the Yankees dugout after game 7

3. Please indicate the last book you read:

[ ] How to lose the ALCS in four easy lessons
[ ] The Suicide Hotline - It's not just for Cubs' fans anymore
[ ] The Heimlich Maneuver -- What to do when choking

4. Which recent Yankees personnel move did you enjoy most:

[ ] Seeing future Hall-of-Famer Roger Clemens in an Astos' uniform
[ ] Seeing David Wells in a Padres' uniform
[ ] Seeing Tino Martinez in a Devil Rays uniform
[ ] Seeing Alphono Soriano in a Rangers's uniform
[ ] Seeing Manny Ramirez remain in a Red Sox uniform
5. Which following designation best describes Derek Jeter's effort in the ALCS:

[ ] Captain October
[ ] Captain Underpants
[ ] Captain & Tenille

6. Math: The Red Sox and the Yankees played 26 times in 2004. How many more games did the Red Sox win than the Yankees? (hint: the number is the same as the number in a four game sweep)

7. Please choose your favorite movie:

[ ] Anger Management
[ ] Hunt for Red October
[ ] Damned Yankees
[ ] Still We Believe

8. Finish this sentence: "Alex Rodriquez is

a. overrated
b. overpaid
c. overdue
d. over-inflated
e. over

9. Please select your favorite recent Yankee moment:

[ ] Bucky Dent throwing out the first pitch with more velocity than Kevin Brown
[ ] A-Rod mimicking every Jeter antic in the Yankees' dugout
[ ] The Yankees wearing themselves out by scoring 19 runs when it didn't really matter
[ ] Rivera failing to prevent unkempt hooligans from eating the Yankees' lunch

10. Math: How many times have the Yankees won the World Series in the last four years? (hint: less than one)

11. Please select the most vociferous Yankee fan:

[ ] Former NYC Mayor Rudi Giuliani
[ ] Present NYC Mayor David Bloomberg
[ ] Tim McCarver

12. Are you ready to admit that:

a. Ted Williams was better than Joe DiMaggio? [ ] Yes [ ] No
b. Carl Yastzremski was a better than Mickey Mantle? [ ] Yes [ ] No
c. Carlton Fisk was better than Thurman Munson? Carl [ ] Yes [ ] No
d. Manny Ramirez is faster than Bernie Williams? [ ] Yes [ ] No
e. Reggie Jackson was a better outfielder that Hideki Matsui? [ ] Yes [ ] No
f. Gary Sheffield's statistics are entirely attributable to steroid abuse? [ ] Yes [ ] No
g. No self-respecting parasite would invade Jason Giambi? [ ] Yes [ ] No
h. The Yankees were unable to win the ALCS because ex-Red Sox manager Don Zimmer wasn't sitting next to Joe Torre making all the decisions? [ ] Yes [ ] No
i. The remainder of this century will be not be any better for the Yankees? [ ] Yes [ ] No
13. Please indicate your favorite moments in Yankee history: (Check all that apply):

[ ] Alex Rodriquez is traded to the Yankees
[ ] Don Mattingly never wins a World Series
[ ] The Yankees let Clemens get away
[ ] The Yankees pay millions to send Contraris to Chicago
[ ] The Yankees let Petitte get away
[ ] Giambi's steroid use causes a brain tumor
[ ] The Yankees let Wells get away
[ ] Mickey Mantle drinks himself to death
[ ] Billy Martin drinks himself to death
[ ] The New York Press hounds Roger Maris into psychosis
[ ] Babe Ruth drinks himself to death

14. Have you experienced any of the following after the embarrassing four
game collapse? (Check all that apply)

[ ] Headache
[ ] Uncontrolled Anger
[ ] Heartache
[ ] Holes punched in doors or walls
[ ] Nausea
[ ] Smashed TV screens
[ ] Depression
[ ] Avoided Red Sox fans for days or weeks

Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Fenway Park. Then burn all your remaining Yankee clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Red Sox Fan Club will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.

I hereby acknowledge that the real curse is being a Yankee Fan.

I hereby renounce the New York Yankees for all eternity on this the ______ day of ________________, 200__

____________________________________
(Signed)
(Office Use Only)

[ ] Approved

______________________________
[ ] Declined John Henry