The Longest Thread in History

[Mike P]

Someone wanna go clue in bassmaster that we're trying to get a "longest thread in history" going?

[Mike P]

The Dog's Funeral
> >
> > Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog
>for
> > company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish
>priest and
> > asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for
>the poor
> > creature?"
> >
> > Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services
>for an
> > animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane,
>and
> > there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something
>for the
> > creature."
> >
> > Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is
>enough
> > to donate for the service?"
> >
> > Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why
>didn't ya'
> > tell me the dog was Catholic?"
> >

[Mike P]

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
your two cents in ... what happens to the other penny?

7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just
stale bread to begin with?

9. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
person who drives a race car not called a racist?

11. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

12. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

13. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

14. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

15. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?

16. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

17. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

18. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

19. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their
final exam.

20. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

21. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?

22. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

23. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

24. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

25. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

26. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.

27. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

28. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

29. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

30. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

31. If four out of five people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that
one enjoys it?

[Mike P]

You know you’re a Rhode Islander when:

1. You really believed that being the home to “The World’s Largest Shore Dinner Hall” gave the state international prestige.

2. Your father was considered to have a “travelling job” if you lived in Pawtucket and he worked in a factory in East Providence.

3. You spent hours debating whether WPRO or WICE was the better station. If you liked WICE, your favorite expression was “PRO rots”.

4. A gourmet seafood dinner was a bowl of steamers, a “stuffie” and “bake stuff shrimp” at Mama Spumonis.

5. You never understood the odd looks you got when you ordered a meatball grinder and a coffee cabinet at the airport in Atlanta.

6. “Please?” is a question, not a polite request.

7. You know deep in your heart that the PC Friars would’ve whipped the butt of that Walton Gang from UCLA in the NCAAs, if only Marvin didn’t tear his knee up in the semis against Memphis State.

8. The seminal historical event in your life was the Blizzard of ’78.

9. You walk into a black tie affair filled with Hollywood celebs and all living ex-Presidents, and the first words you say to your spouse or date are, “Look, there’s Salty Brine!!”

10. You know there’s a place called Chepachet in your state, but you’ve never been there and only marginally know that it’s “up north somewhere”. See also, Little Compton. Except you know that’s somewhere south.

11. There’s only one beach in the Ocean State worth talking about, and that’s Scahbro. Only tourists from Connecticut and western Mass go to Misquamicut.

12. You’ve drunk 3 Awful-Awfuls just to get the 4th one for free.

13. You know deep inside that if Salty was ever on a private jet with the Pope and the President, and it crashed, the next day’s headline in the Journal would read, “SALTY BRINE, TWO OTHERS PERISH IN PLANE CRASH”

14. You remember leaving a Reds’ hockey game at the old Auditorium with your eyes smarting from the cloud of smoke that obscured the ice from the cheap seats by the start of the third period.

15. Christmas meant going to the old Sears on North Main Street just to see the electric train display.

16. Your Easter clothes always came from Shartenberg’s or The Outlet. Boys sometimes got their suits at Saltzman’s.

17. You lost your cherry in the back seat of dad’s 75 Monte Carlo at the Rustic Drive-In.

18. Thanksgiving high school football games. East Providence vs. LaSalle, Cranston East vs. Cranston West, Pilgrim vs. Vets, St Ray’s vs. Tolman, Cumberland vs. Lincoln, etc. How your team did affected the taste of the turkey.

19. When a tourist asked you where a water fountain was, you directed them to Kennedy Plaza or Slater Park.

20. You remember the FEI Club and Busty Russell. As well as the El Morocco.

21. You still are shocked when you learn that Baskin-Robbins doesn’t sell coffee ice cream.

22. You know how to play Hi-Lo-Jack.

23. Your choice of what 6 PM news broadcast to watch turns on who the weather forecaster is.

24. You know the historical significance of Joe Garrahy’s flannel shirt.

25. You think that New Yorkers actually eat orange hot dogs with ground hamburger on top.

26. “Hi Neighbor, Have a ‘Gansett”.

27. No matter how good the game you were playing as a kid was, you had to be home by 5 to watch Salty Brine’s Shack.

28. Your parents booked a hotel room after a wedding in South Kingstown so they didn’t have to drive “all that way” back to Providence—or even Warwick.

29. Your idea of a mixed marriage is when you wed someone from a different parish.

30. You actually wonder why no one from the Pawtucket Times has ever been considered for a Pulitzer Prize.

31. You’ve heard Salty say “No school, Foster-Glouster” at least 1,000 times in your life.

32. The only trucks and heavy equipment you ever saw doing a highway project were from Campanella and Cardi.

33. You know someone whose distant cousin once actually voted Republican. And that was for Chaffee.

34. You’re convinced that the greatest political orator in recorded human history was John O. Pastore.

35. You know that no big-time sports announcer ever called a game as well as George Patrick Duffy or Chris Clark.

36. You bought your suits from Monticello’s as an adult because that was where Ernie D shopped.

37. Your mother still has pictures of JFK and Pope John XXIII on the mantle.

38. You’d actually consider flying in from Alaska to attend your 8th grade class reunion.

39. You’re considered to be a cosmopolitan man of the world because you know how to get to Fenway Park by car.

40. You fail to see the humor in Don Bosquet’s cartoons.

41. You vote for a convicted felon for your mayor because you really believe that “he never stopped caring about Providence”.

42. You know that the greatest event of the 20th century wasn’t landing on the moon, it was the opening of Foxwoods.

43. You buy 5 loaves of bread and 3 gallons of milk, and top off the tank with $2.75 worth of gas the second one little snowflake falls from the sky.

44. You never realized that no one west of New London, or north of Foxboro, had any idea of who Salty Brine is.

45. Your feelings about Bucky Dent depend on whether you live north or south of Providence, and also on whether your last name ends in a vowel.

46. “You can have all those smarty-pants on the Weather Channel, give me Art Lake anytime”.

47. A big part of your life vanished the day they sold Crescent Park.

48. If you live in certain areas of Providence, or in Lincoln, North Providence or Johnston, you remove your hat whenever Sinatra singing “My Way” comes on the radio.

49. You get that smug satisfaction that having a 3 day weekend in August gives you, especially when you know that no one anywhere else celebrates that holiday.

50. When you finally move into that dream house in South County, your mom in Cranston still calls and asks if you and the entire brood want to come up and stay there, “just in case”, anytime they forecast more than a dusting of snow.

[Mike P]

Hard Times

A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?"

The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on hunting are you?"

"No, sir, I don't hunt," retorts the bum.

"You are not going to throw it away on fishing trips, are you?" asks the gentleman.

"No way, I don't fish," answers the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money buying a big pick-up, would you?" asks the man.

"Never," says the bum, "I don't want an truck."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't hunt, fish or drive a truck."

[mikecc]

Hay John
Got the major shipment in today.
17 pallets of just fishing stuff. I will get those reels off to you in a few days. First I have to inventory all this stuff.
Then find a place to put it.
And then maybe just maybe get a chance to use some of it.:hppy:

[mikecc]

GB your gonna like the plow I got one for the suzuki

[mikecc]

Yes it an older 4 w .it is 10 yrs old with only 400 miles.
I use it mainly as a yard machine
and to hall deer

[mikecc]

who


is


gonna


get



there




first

[mikecc]

GB
I have been grading the yard out where the tractor can't reach.
It's better than shoveling any day

[mikecc]

What a race

[mikecc]

I'm switching computors this one is too slow,
and it can't spell either. be right back

[mikecc]

OK now we got some speed

[mikecc]

thats more like
I got one

[mikecc]

Just no bad jokes and I'll stay a while

[mikecc]

[mikecc]

stuff we all heard when we were kids

[mikecc]

what ever happened to the counter that use to tell how many hits per day were on the site.

[mikecc]

[mikecc]

Hay
I just noticed I went from a "saltie" to a "Gray Beard"

[mikecc]

It was a privite company that would monitor each site for hits and you could check and see how many were from each site .
last year this site ran from 9th -17th each week out of the top 100

[mikecc]

guess i'm to slow, this 30 second rule s##ks

[mikecc]

He did not show up at the shop this weekend. Hope all is going ok.
Ask if he wants me to mail him the reels

[mikecc]

should






be





soon






right

[mikecc]

Thats ok

I am sere I can find a place to put them

[mikecc]

ya lets finish this page and sign off

[mikecc]

you got it

Good night

[mikecc]

[mikecc]

can't




stay




long




got




to




get





up early





but




i





can




try




to



get




another



page

[mikecc]

another 30 seconds lost