Joke for today?

[FishermanTim]

WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel
where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of
hectic schedules, it was difficult to co-ordinate their travel
schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on
Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he
accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home
to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her
e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After
reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

*****************************

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now and you are allowed to send e-mail's to your loved ones. I've
just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has
been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing
you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

[FishermanTim]

Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?.. and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.. I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own..." Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Harry replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm," he said. "How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. "Wow!" Harry said, "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you're sh**ting all over the bed!"

[JohnR]

Terrorists found at:
Viking Marine Servces
The State Department notified me on October 12th that 4 known terrorists were known to be operating at our facility......
They told me that they had taken into custody
the first 3, but were lookng for the fourth.


Bin Loafin', Bin Sleepin', and Bin Drinkin'
had all been taken into custody, but
the fourth, Bin Workin' was no where to be found.


We urdged workers to keep their eyes open for anyone fitting the description of "Bin Workin"
and report to manangement any findings.


To date we are sorry to report, Bin Workin' is no where to be found........

[MakoMike]

A husband walks into Fredrick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer
lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in
price, the sheerer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest
item, pays the $500, and takes the gossamer lingerie home. He presents
it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it
for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it
might as well be nothing. I won't put it on; I'll do the modeling
naked, return the gown tomorrow, and pocket the $500 refund for
myself.

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband
says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot.
Funeral services are pending.

[Starfish]

Oh my god!

[fishaholic18]

Poker Game

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet; be gentle; don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door.
The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife. "I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.

[reelecstasy]