Joke for today?

[fishsmith]

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative,"
said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC

[Nebe]

[Iwannakeeper]

A old lady went to the doctors for an extreme flatulence problem. She is seen by the doctor and she explains "Doctor, I do not know what is wrong. I seem to pass wind nearly constantly. I have pass gas 5 times since you came in the room."

She continues, "the good news is it has no smell and no sound, so I assume no one else can tell, but it is very concerning none the less."

The doctor gives her a thorough examination and tells her to take a prescription for 1 week then return to see him.

A week passes and she is back with the Doctor. She exclaims "Doc, what did you give me. I still pass wind constantly, and it still makes no sound, but the smell is horrible. I nearly gag when I smell it."

The doctor replies 'That good dear, now that we have you sinusus cleared up, lets see what we can do about your hearing."

[fishsmith]

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine
children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives,
they
find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to
fit
onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man
as
he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a
piece

of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me
crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of
YOUR

stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

[Jimbo]

> > > Subject: Sharon at the White House
> > >
> > > Ariel Sharon came to Washington for meetings with George W. and for a
> > state dinner. Laura Bush decided to bring in a special Kosher chef and
>have a
> > > truly Jewish meal. At the dinner that night, the first course served
>was matzoh ball soup.
> > > George W. looks at this and after learning what it is called, he tells
>an aide that he can't eat such a gross and strange-looking brew.
> > > The aide says that Sharon will be insulted if he doesn't at least
>taste
>it.
> > > Not wanting to cause any trouble (after all, he ate sheep's eye in
>honor
> > of Arab guests), George W. gingerly lowers his spoon into the bowl and
> > > retrieves a piece of matzoh ball and some broth. He hesitates, then
> > > swallows. A big grin appears on his face. He finds that he really
>likes it, and digs right in and finishes the whole bowl.
> > > "That was delicious," Bush says to Sharon. "Do Jews eat any other part
>of the matzoh, or just the balls?"

This is FICTION


A pair of jumper cables came in to the bar and the bar tender said i'll give you a beer if you dont start any thing...

[The Dad Fisherman]

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him
and say's "Hello".

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from,
so he says "Do you know me?"

To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that
I screwed on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped my ass with wet celery?"

She said . . . "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

[justplugit]

Waay to funny, Karl.

[Nebe]

-Two Muslim Extremists are sitting in a cave while smoking hashish and chatting over a pint of fermented goat's milk.
The first Muslim Extremist pulls out his wallet and starts flipping
through pictures, and they start reminiscing
"This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."
"Praise Allah! You must be so very proud," says the other
yes, and this is my second son. He's a martyr also."
"A fine looking man... praise be to Mohammed!" replies his comrade
After a pause and a deep sigh, the Muslim Extremist says wistfully, "They
blow up so fast, don't they?"