International Talk Like a Pirate Day

[Nebe]

a kid goes up to a pirate and says "he pirate how did you get that wooded leg??"

the pirate responds- "arrrrrrr i get it by a laarrrrge shhark attack in the carrrrebean sea"

the kid says, "wow, and how about that hook on your left hand?"

pirate- "Arrrrr... twas a nasty sward fight, lost me hand but i won the battle"

Kid- "and the eye patch??? how did you loose your eye"

Pirate- "arrrrrr fargen seagul pooped in me eye after i got me hook"

[The Dad Fisherman]

Arr, this man be on the lookout for a job and sees an advertisement in the newspaper for a job: "Arrr, so ye wants to be a pirate eh? Come see Cap'n JAck on pier 8 today!"

Well, the guy's intrigued. I mean, who doesn't want to be a pirate? So he goes and sees Captain Jack.

Jack says, "So ye be interested in the job eh? Here's what we be doin: On mondays we pillage and plunder our black hearts out, then come back here and get rip roarin drunk, then wake up and do it again!"

The guy says, "Well...I'm not a big drinker...what do you do on Tuesdays?"

Captain JAck says, "On Tuesday's we pillage and plunder to our hearts content, come back here, get piss drunk and rape as many women as we can find!"

The man says, "Ummm, like I said, I'm not a big drinker and I've never raped a woman before."

Captain JAck looks at him quizzically. "Arrr, ye bein a faggot?"

The man says "Um, no..."

Captain Jack says, "Arr, then ye wont be liking what we be doin on Wednesdays then"