This is the most well written piece I have ever seen anywhere on the internet. It made me laugh out loud. We Portuguese have similar values, and Christmas traditions as Italians and in my mind's eye, I could see my family playing all the roles in that story. Old World Portuguese also agree that, if it swims, eat it. The only thing different would be less pasta and different spices.
By the way, if your family is anything like mine, I assume the decibel level is quite high at family functions.
Well done, FreeBallin'. I hope we hear more from you soon.
