Joke for today?

[daceman63]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

[teaser]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

[justplugit]

Bill and his friend Ned walk into a fast food chain for lunch.
Bill orders and sits down, Ned orders and the counter guy says'"Hey Ned how you doing, then yells out , hey everybody Neds here" They all yell Hi Ned.
Ned sits down ,and Bill says, your a popular guy Ned. Ned says i'm the most popular guy in the world, everybody knows me.

Bill says i bet you $1000 you don't know the President of the United States. Ned says, your on and they fly to Washington and knock on the White House door. The President answers the door and says Hey Ned how you doing, haven't seen you in awhile. They go, play 3 rounds of golf and leave.

Bill says that was luck, bet you $2000 you don't know the Queen of England. Your on says Ned, and they fly to the Palace and knock on the door. The Queen answers and says, Ned it's so good to see you. They have tea with the Queen and leave.

Bill says you know alot of people, but double or nothing i bet you don't know the Pope. Ned says , your on, and off they go to the Vatican. Ned says, look Bill, go down in the yard and i will walk out on the balcony with my arm around the Pope. A crowd had gathered to see the Pope, and sure enough, Ned walks out with his arm around the Pope. Bill faints flat out on the ground.

Ned runs down, revives him and says Bill what happened?
Bill says ,well i was fine till the guy standing next to me tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "hey who's that guy with Ned?"

,

[gone fishin]

Ok - you have to try this one -
Take 60 seconds to do this, I guarantee you will show someone else,it's too
funny not to.

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps," above the search bar...
3. click on "get directions"
4. type " New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type " Paris" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
6. scroll down to step #23