Old family expressions--

[The Dad Fisherman]

Heard one the other night that made me chuckle..

"He was all over it like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich"

[Backbeach Jake]

ANd guess who didn't...

[BassDawg]

Killer Thread,,,,,,,,,just foundit today!

I grew up in Oklahoma, so we had simialr expressions for the same Life situations, only worded differently, waaaaaay differently!!

here's some from my Dad (Marine, small town cop):
~~about fighting,,,,,,,,,,
"Don't start sumthin, ya can't finish!"
"That boy's mouth is writtin' checks his body can't cash!"
~~things to say to a prospective opponent,,,,,,,,,,
"I'll slapp the dog snott right outta YOU!"
"I'll slapp a hair-lip on you big enuff to comb!"
"I'll go thru you,,,,like crap through a GOOSE!"
~~to us when we were pushing his patience level,,,,,,,,,,
"Keep that up and I'll beat you like you stole somethin'!"
"I'll stomp a mud-hole in yer azzz, boy!"
"I'll drop you like a baaaaad HABIT!"
"I'll go thru you,,,,like Grant took Richmond!"
"Don't MAKE me come over there,,,,,,"

my Mom only had one about fighting:

"Don't you start it, but you can damn sure FINISH it!"

my ALL time favorite from my Dad was to me and my brother who were 13 mths apart in age. and we were brutal to each other growing up, but don't ever mess with either one of us, either.

anyways, outside of his usuall "I'll pull this car over right now and give you both a whoopin that you'll NEVER forget" and my Mom's "I've got eyes in the back of my head and I can SEE everything you two are doing!"(rearview mirror)

my favorite from my Dad to us was,
"You two boys would FIGHT about the TIME OF DAAAAY!" that one seemed to always put the brakes on us.

[BassDawg]

"Nobody's getting up from this table until their plates are cleaned"

"There are children your AGE, right now, STARVING in Africa!!"

"If you don't eat yer greens, you won't have muscles like these!"

"Your momma has slaved in this HOT kitchen all day to make you this meal, boys,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so you better eat everyting on yer plate!"

my mom, when we expressed our appreciation for anything as kids(good food, polished shoes, clean clothes, clean room) or to our questions of how did you do THAT Mom?

she would always reply with, "I learned how to do that in the Corps/Navy/Army/Air Force"

[BassDawg]

Mom,,,,,,,,,,
"If Johnny jumped off of the Empire State Building/leaped into the Grand Canyon/stepped in front of a freight train/pissed into the wind, then would you do it to follow suit?"

"Well! You don't live at Johnny's house, and your name is NOT Johnny Uptonogood. Your name is..............and you ARE still my son and as long as you are living under THIS roof you WILL............."

Stepfather (about as Okie as they come)
"You wouldn't know your azzzz from a hole in the ground!"
"If your azzz wasn't attached you'd forget where THAT is, too!"
"It's a good thing that yer head is screwed on, because if it wasn't you'd take it off and play with it!"
"That stunt makes you just about dumber than a box of rocks!"
"What in tarnation were you thinking?"
"Think before you speak, don't let your mouth overload your brain!"
"You wake up in a different world everyday, don't ya boy?"
"You'd eff up a wet dream!"
"How much is it gonna cost me THIS time?"

[BassDawg]

sheet fire and save the matches,

sheet, or git off the pot,

he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a handful of gravel,

he couldn't hit a bull in the azzzz with a bass fiddle,

they don't have a pot to piss in or a winder to throw it out of,

slow as molasses in the winter time,

quicker than greased lightning,

smart as a whip,

purty as a pig in a poke,

ten foot tall and bulletproof,

as full of sheet as a Christmas turkey,

talkin' to her is like trying to rope the wind,

he's about as lost as a fart in a tornado,

dangit boy! sumthin' must a crawled up in you and died!!,

i am plum, tuckered out,

labor conquers all,

if you make yer bed ~~you gotta lie in it,

never shat in yer own backyard,

don't make a liar out of yerself, cuz you ain't foolin' anyone else!,

only women and dogs get mad,

~~~in the pursuit of Love~~~

18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy! if they cain't walk, DRAG 'em!!,

that boy would eff a rattler ~if somebody would hold it's head,

you got no chance, she'd throw rocks at you!,

will ya look at the shiiiiiitter on that critter?,

if i had a swing like THAT, i'd never leave the back porch,

she's not that big,,,,,,,,,,i LIKE a little meat w/ my pahtaytees!,

she's a little skinny,,,,,,,,,,,i'd be afraid i'd break that in 1/2!,

them's breeder hips!, it's cheaper to keep her!,

that's the kinda gal you take home to meet momma,

she sure has pretty TEETH, and i want them BOTH,

i said "I do" ~she said "YOU better!",