Joke for today?

[Fishpart]

THE "BAD AMERICAN"!!!



YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.
I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and
my family, not some mid-level governmental
functionary, be he Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way,
damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer,
it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble
or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to
do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any
more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster.
In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put
your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college,
you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or
her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers,
and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time
arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all
those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off
during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't
wander forty years In the desert after getting
chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches
or been persecuted by the Turks and neither
have you! So, shut the Hell up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where
the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he
gets his money, and why he is always part of the
problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN
on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your
sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass
over if you're breaking the law, regardless of
what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot
works, I don't want you deciding who should be
running the most powerful nation in the world for
the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections
trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their
cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child,
it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a
BAD American.